MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Just wishing my few readers a Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!

OK, This is funny

OK So, what's your sign? You crash here often? - Yahoo! Newshttp://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061214/od_nm/astrology_driving1_dc

This is the link to an article from yahoo that I find hysterical.

So, what's your sign? You crash here often?
By Naomi KimThu Dec 14, 9:42 AM ET
Never mind how careful you are behind the wheel or how long you've been driving, the signs of the zodiac may be bigger factors behind your ability to avoid car crashes -- or why you have too many.
According to a study by InsuranceHotline.com, a Web site that quotes drivers on insurance rates, astrological signs are a significant factor in predicting car accidents.
The study, which looked at 100,000 North American drivers' records from the past six years, puts Libras (born September 23-October 22) followed by Aquarians (January 20-February 18) as the worst offenders for tickets and accidents
Leos (July 23-August 22) and then Geminis (May 21-June 20) were found to be the best overall.
"I was absolutely shocked by the results," said Lee Romanov, president of Toronto-based InsuranceHotline.com, who also wrote the book "Car Carma" which touches on the correlation between astrological signs and driving ability while doing the study.
Romanov originally wanted to have some fun by examining astrological signs as a possible cause for the variance between insurance companies quoting high and low rates but didn't expect to find anything interesting.
"Now, changing postal codes is far less significant to me than drivers of certain astrological signs," she told Reuters on Wednesday.
Even age, another variable for determining insurance rates, is less of a consideration to Romanov. The cutoff line for being considered a higher risk driver is 24 years of age; 25-year-olds are considered not-high risk.
"I'd rather get into a car with a 24-year-old Leo than a 25-year-old Aries," Romanov said.
Leos, described along with the study results on InsuranceHotline.com/a10.html, are "generous, and comfortable in sharing the roadway."
Aries, on the other hand, "have a 'me first' childlike nature that drives Aries into trouble."
"I wasn't believing in it before," said Romanov, "but I would think twice before getting into a car with an Aries."

HA!

I have reached a decision. From now on, all gifts from me will be either from the ASPCA or Humane Society or the Watkins Company. My life has just become incredibly easier, especially since the only person I need to buy for is my nephew. He will probably get an amazing amount from Toys'R'Us, but that's only until he gets past the cute kid stage. Then it will be the animal rescue sites for him. And the occasional additional pet because all growing boys need dogs, cats & fish. I know I need all the above, though until we move out the fish are a no-go.

And right now, I am miffed at my family. I was given an incredibly cool gift (for me at least). An Easy Bake Oven! And I hate to cook. In fact, I do not cook at all thanks to my sister having no job and taking care of that particular chore. Unfortunately, I can't use the utterly adorable, cute, wonderful Easy Bake Oven until after Christmas. It is just sitting there under the tree. Looking at me. Calling me. Enticing me to pull out that Oreo kit I have and bake. THIS SUCKS!

I have been contemplating my navel lately. Among other things, I have been thinking about a friend and her incredible luck. I realized through oodles of time walking that I am - THANKFULLY - not jealous of her luck. What I am is feeling left behind. I think I would prefer to be jealous.

My girl friend has met an incredible man who has done everything right by her. She has a good job she tends to enjoy. Her family is doing fairly well. Life is over all pretty good. And I knew I was starting to feel some sort of negative emotions. Figured I was better off facing them head on and dealing with them before I screwed up with her like I have in the past with another friend who has managed to pull herself together and now has a life that she enjoys.

The big surprise for me at least was learning that I was not jealous of either of my 2 girl friends. I do not want what they now have in their lives. I do not want a man to wander in to my life and make life more complete. I do not want someone to wake up beside and know cares. I do want the security that they have. I want to go home to MY home and not have anyone around me. I want the freedom to watch movies again. That is what I want. I do not want another lover again.

The demands are more than I am really capable or wanting to meet any longer. I am finding people too demanding all across the board of late and realizing that I really need to start getting out more often before joining a convent that focuses on seculsion becomes a viable life choice. That is rather scary.

Beyond that little bit of self realization, the only other thing is that I really find my mother incredibly annoying at the holiday times. Is it Jan. 2nd yet? I'm ready to put it all away.

Ho Hum

It has been interesting of late. I have had to help my sister deal with the death of her oldest cat. My great aunt just died in her sleep. I have been "fortunate" not to actually need to miss work because of the timing involved. Work has continued to prove a massive disappointment. I have yet to receive anything but a thank you, but no thank you letter in response to ANY of the jobs I have applied for. I am feeling a bit unlovable.

Work is in many ways the biggest disappointment. I do enjoy the work itself. My co-workers are all highly intelligent, well traveled individuals with whom I enjoy working. The problem lies in how many of the ideas/promises are not carried through. Oh well. Life goes on.

As for my job searching, I have done everything I can think of to increase my odds of finding a good job with a decent pay check and benefits. I have read the books. Signed up for the hints from Monster, CareerBuilder, Quints, JobFinder, etc., and have had no luck what so ever. I am at a loss here. I am tired of living pay check to pay check and not having enough money for any of those little extras. Little things like a trip to the dentist, getting my car oil changed, buying new freaking socks. Once I pay all my bills (cell phone - $50, bankruptcy - $56, car insurance - $79, and storage unit - $90) I am lucky to have $30 left over to buy basics like deodorant and whatever the cats need. Since I work an average of 14 hours per week, at $8/hour, you do the math.

I have even started applying for jobs at gas stations, the Dollar Tree, Wal-Mart, etc. Nothing. I am over educated and have no luck what so ever. This just sucks.

I keep trying to cheer myself up and keep firmly at the fore front that part of my blah's stem from the holiday season. I can not recall a good holiday season - ever - so I become increasingly stressed and unhappy until about Jan. 5th when life returns to normal. I can not wait until Jan. 5th 2007!

Other than my blah's, life is pretty normal. I work. I attend funerals. I clean around the house & try and pay rent by taking care of the yard for my mother. Run my sister around so that she can take care of what she needs to accomplish so that she can graduate and get a job herself. And job hunt. Oh, and apply for jobs maniacally.

Thanksgiving Time

Well, it is Thanksgiving again. Personally, I will be grateful that it is over and all the food that I really do not want but absolutely adore will be put away and I will be back at work. I discovered years ago that I vastly prefer to be at work rather than at home with my family and all the expectations that are never ever met.

I know that this is not an uncommon phenomena. Movies have been made about it after all. It still is astonishing how so many people will go out of their way to have the "perfect holiday season." Truthfully, every year my "perfect holiday" becomes simpler and more isolated. Right now, I would prefer to be alone in a warm, comfy suite or cabin. Have my cats and a stash of juicy romance novels (& maybe a few fantasy & bios for something approaching weighty), and some wine with various bath products waiting to be consumed. No one else, just me. No big meals, just fruit & veggie trays with cheese and veggie burgers, yogurt and juice, maybe even various teas. No real dishes, just quiet relaxation. Oh, and a decent CD player and a TV/DVD player so I can watch movies when I tire of reading and lounging in the tub.

Oh well. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I am reasonably healthy. I am active. I have a good, working car. I have my own room with my own bed and access to all of my books. I am reasonably thin and have started eating right and have been losing inches. My cats are healthy and have made it abundantly clear how much they love me. I have good friends who give a serious damn about me. I am single and childless - a major blessing in my book. My family is alive and kicking with all the recent deaths being of the expected variety. There are twins on the way and several weddings coming up. My friends are all doing well in their lives on all the levels I know of. The world has yet to blow itself up, and that means the running hot & cold water still works. There are lots of good writers out there I am learning about and getting to read. My practicing of yoga has reached the point where I am FINALLY ready to go to the next level. I am no longer working at the Effingham Library and have a job that I enjoy, despite the lack of hours and benefits. :-~ And the list goes on. And it is a pretty damn good list.

All the items I want to improve will fall in to place and I am working on taking the necessary steps to make the positive changes I want to make. I have managed to locate several websites dedicated to the type of jobs I want. I have updated and massively improved my resume. My cover letter has never looked so good and there are people willing to be a reference. All that is left is holding on and trusting that there is a plan and that it includes me getting 1 of the positions I am applying for.

Life is good. And while I am not happy or excited, I am at peace and definitely enjoying a level of contentment I am surprised to recognize. Yes, there are issues with my family, but they are based on my need/desire to be alone. Yes, there are negative factors, but I can do nothing but what I am doing until I start earning a better pay check. As it is, financially, I am doing better than I have in a long time. A fact that adds to my sense of peacefulness that I only recently starting to acknowledge and am trying to develop further. So while I was fired in February of this year, I would have to say that I am honestly grateful for that dismissal. If I had not been fired, I doubt if I would have made any of the changes I have made and learned any of the lessons I have learned, and gained this level of contentment and peace.

Another Week

Well, life has been just oodles of fun. I really need to get another job. I am so tired of living pay check to pay check. I want to know just what a savings account is again. I also am having strong emotions this weekend because instead of getting paid on Friday, like we are SUPPOSED to be, I had to wait until about 2:00 p.m. Saturday to get my check. Seems that the person who was to deliver the paychecks to where I work bailed out sick and no one thought that, oh, yeah, some of the staff is at the nursery and would alos like their paychecks until we called. Some reason that grates.

And let's not forget my utter hatred of living with my family. Just because I do love and adore them is no reason what so ever to even think I want to live with them. What really bites is that on many levels my being here is making my mother happier than she has been and I am accomplishing a lot for all three of them. Since I DESPERATELY want my independence back, this is not something I care to contemplate all that closely, you know?

Some of the news lately that has caught my attention -

Rumsfield has FINALLY been fired. I just have to wonder why the hell it took so long.

The gay marriage ban/state constitutional amendment was passed here in SC. I disagree with that, not least because I see no reason why marriage has to be so narrowly defined. I feel that if a couple wants to tie themselves together, then let them. Any way you look at it, the lawyers are winning this battle.

It is Veteran's Day and there are several parades and ceremonies going on that have been really rather sweet. My favorite local event was when the local schools held an open house and invited vets to come visit and have lunch with the kids. That should be done more often.

There is a cookbook out called "How to Feed An Army," by Jim Lewin. It is all about cooking for 10 to 100 and I am seriously thinking of getting it, if no other reason than the money goes for troop support. That and the bit on amazon.com is rather funny.

I am also horribly confused by something and if anyone can explain this to me, I would appreciate it. But why do people say that Mrs. X is their 2nd mother? Or Ms. Y is their 2nd daughter? That Mrs. X helped raise them? I have never understood this at all. This phenomena crossed my radar recently when my boss said she could not leave until she told 1 of her employees good bye because she was just like her mother. Now, am I the only person who sees all sorts of issues inherent in that statement? I know it has no impact on me at all, but it still creeps me out.

That is probably because I have plenty with my own natural mother as well as my step mother. I have no desire, longing, need, want, craving, whatever for another mother to step in to my life and help me manage my life.

Yeck!

This week has been interesting, but naturally, the cool stuff was simple humdrum events. The bad stuff (which really was not that bad) makes a better story.

The good stuff was that the books I ordered from the book version of netflicks arrived, mom was out of town so I was able to be an adult and watched real movies that did not involve Scooby-Doo or trhe Power Rangers. I even had a glass of wine! Oh, and I watched "Jarhead." An interesting movie with several HIGHLY memorable moments. I will never look at Santa hats in the same way again. But not worth seeing on the big screen, that's for sure.

The funny bad stuff, now, that's the interesting stuff.

Monday I learned something about my personal idea of hell. It is being a school field trip chaperone. I know more trips as a chaperone are in my future, but WAAAH!!!! Sums it up best. my nephew's 1st grade class (plus 2 other 1st grade classes) went to a local church pumpkin patch. Since it was less than a mile away, the kids walked and so my sister & I volunteered to go along. My mantra for the day was "I love my family." Talk about a horrible thing to do to yourself! A bunch of hyper active kids with no manners, all walking down the road! Yikes! And then we went to a park where the kids ate lunch and had recess. That was cool because I sat off towards the back - away from the kids - and chilled out from my strong desire to wring their little necks. Eventually, we toddled off back to school & my sister & I came home. Not nearly soon enough.

I know there are people out there who would find this sort of event to be enjoyable or completely nonchalant about it, but for me, I do not want, like, or need children of my own. A dog is too much effort most days. I can handle a cat and fish because they are mostly self-sufficient. Cripes, if you dump fish into a pond at the right time of year, they do not even need help surviving. Cats, well, they need help with can openers. Otherwise, they'd take over the world. That and since humans are bigger, they are at a size disadvantage.

Balloons!

http://www.balloonmanor.com/index.php

This is a link to really cool haunted house that I want to go to 1 year. I hope!
Check it out!

Oh My Word

Vicar's knicker run rescues town
Rueter's Oddly Enough on Yahoo.com
Oct 20, 8:52 AM (ET)
WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A vicar has come to the rescue of a small New Zealand town that has run out of women's underwear.
A group of women at the local Anglican church revealed the crisis caused by the only clothing shop in the small town of Inglewood, about 280 km (175 miles) north west of the capital Wellington, no longer stocking women's underwear.
"Someone came up with the point that it was a bit difficult that ladies essentials were not able to be bought in Inglewood," Reverend Gary Husband told National Radio.
"So we're going to have what's been called a knickers run."
Husband, who came up with the solution to the less-than-spiritual problem, said volunteers would now take anyone without transport to the nearby city of New Plymouth, about 20 km (12 miles) away, to buy their essentials.
Men's underwear is readily available in the town of around 3,000, but it also has no shoe shop and no bus service.
Husband said a trial run would be made before Christmas and if successful it would probably become a monthly event and open to all, regardless of faith.
"This is for the community ... the response has been positive, we've had one (other) denomination get in touch with us, so it's spreading."

Blah Blah Blah

I have discovered something about myself recently. I tried to discover more about the wicca religious view point and failed miserably. There are several reasons for that. There was the rather sad lack of any material at the local library. There were a total of 2 books in the entire system. That is just sad if you ask me. Since I prefer to read books from the library and then decide if I want to buy them, I was a bit short changed on that route. It did not help that when I brought the 2 books home, I just could not make myself pick them up. Part of that was because of all the curled lips and snarky “why are you looking at that?” comments from my parental unit. But the clincher was the fact that I could not make myself want to read them in my mothers house.

This is so pathetic! The list of things I am not comfortable doing in my mother’s house keeps growing. I mean, there is the taking of a bath, burning candles, sleeping in the buff, watching movies, doing my yoga at night, drinking alcohol, decorating, the timing of when I actually do yard work for heavens sake! This is getting ridiculous! I mean, I always knew that I could never contemplate anything sexual around my mother because that is just wrong. But this is ridiculous.

I have discovered something pretty cool for any dieters reading this. For anyone interested, the Da Vinci syrups are calorie & sugar free. They are made with Splenda, so keep that in mind. I have been using the raspberry in water to give it some flavor without calories & the vanilla for flavor in oatmeal, hot chocolate, hot tea, water, chai, diet Pepsi, slim fast, and I am sure I will add to my list as time goes by. There are several flavors out there and I am looking for them from a source besides online. Wal-Mart carries only vanilla, hazelnut, & raspberry. I can’t wait!

A Bit Behind But . . .

After the school shooting happened at the Amish school, I was 1 of millions who felt shock & horror. What happened is wrong no if, ands, or buts. What truly appalled me though, was something that happened during the funerals. I no longer have this article, so I can not give any of the facts. I apologize for that, but will fill in the blanks I am sure.

By now, most are probably aware of the religious group that goes to the funerals of military personnel, protesting, saying how this was in Afghanistan & Iraq is God’s way of showing His displeasure about the homosexual life style. Well, apparently they were planning to protest at the funerals for the girls killed at the Amish school. The reason? Because apparently the Amish have offended God as well with their life style.

So to prevent this group from protesting, a radio show host offered them the chance to have a free hour to air their opinions in a public forum in exchange for NOT protesting. And if they did protest, then the group had tp pay a $500,000 fine.
While I applaud the radio show host for his preventive action and the foresight to enforce the agreement, I am appalled that the move was even necessary. While free speech is a part of our inalienable rights, guaranteed by the Constitution, when did common sense and decency go out the window?

These were young girls who were subjected to something that is supposed to be unthinkable in our country. They were going to school to learn the basics and have fun and be kids. They are now dead and instead of giving their families the right and the emotional privacy and freedom to bury these children, this group feels that they can interrupt? And accuse them of living a life that offends God? That it is because of their choices their daughters were killed because they offended God?

I had already had a strong feeling of loathing and contempt for this group of religious “believers.” I firmly believe that funerals are not public events for strangers to intrude and foist their cameras and/or opinions on family and friends already in the grip of a variety of strong emotions. It does not matter if you are burying someone you loved and will miss every day of the rest of your life, or someone you are willing to build an outhouse over their grave so you can piss on their grave every day for the rest of your life. It is still an event with many varied emotions.

To know that these people feel that funerals are the appropriate time and location to protest not just the was in the Middle East but also life style choices and what ever else they may protest is enough to make me understand why the various biker groups also attend. I just wish that instead of revving their engines, they could also use baseball bats and chains on these idiots. Or maybe some nameless group of individuals could do something evil and nasty to these idiots because the lack of love and compassion is appalling.

I know that I should be more tolerant of all peoples and groups. I do not want this family to be hurt in any way shape or form. But if they were to fade away into the wood work and never offend anyone again, I would be a lot happier.

Thoughts About Adam & Eve

OK, I know that I am not the only person to think on this topic. I don’t have a list of the titles & authors close, but I know Mark Twain wrote about Eve and Adam in the Garden of Eden, and there is a collection of short storied by women about Eve. And I am positive that there have been religious studies about Adam & Eve as well.

As you can guess, I am talking about Adam & Eve. I just want to know, why there are no religious observances for the ultimate grandparents of humanity. OK, for those who do not follow the creationist theory, I know all the theories and such that are in competition with the creationist theory. It does not matter in this case. I want to know why the Catholic Church, the source of more holidays and days of observance than I ever want to think about, has nothing to celebrate Adam & Eve. According to the Catholic Church, they are the ultimate grandparents of all humanity, yet they are basically ignored.

So what that they ate the forbidden fruit, kicked out of Eden, and generally came up with a new level of misery. I know that part of what makes humans different from the rest of creation is our free will, but I have problems with the story. Adam & Eve were created perfectly innocent. They were plopped down in the Garden of Eden by God, a being who is omniscient, perfect, knows everything, sees everything, is everything, etc. You would think that as this all powerful, all knowing being, God had to of known that Adam & Eve were going to be tempted and eat the blasted fruit. He knows all, he is always there beside you, yet people are supposed to be shocked and horrified that Adam and eve disobeyed and ate the fruit. OK, why? I will not know until I die and am in God’s presence and have it explained, but I have a feeling that God knew what would happen and figured that it was a good way to have someone to be with him. That is just my theory and I want to stress this. I try to be a good person, but I know I fail. So please, no one flame me in to oblivion, OK?

Adam & Eve are considered the 1st man & woman if you follow the teachings of the Church. Since there are saints for everything from erasers to cancer patients, and everything in between, why isn’t there something for Adam and Eve?

I also want to know who Adam & Eve’s son’s Cain & Abel “begat” with. Nothing is ever said about their wives, and I really hope that Cain & Abel didn’t choose their sister’s. So does, for the sake of my sensibilities if nothing else, this mean that Lilith really was Eve’s predecessor and she & Adam had a few children of their own? Or did God step in and make a few other people to help out the gene pool?

OK, So It Has Been A While

Some random points -

I found this website on yahoo the other day and was impressed enough that I will be buying the calendar for myself. And the proceeds go to a worthy cause as well which helps justify my drool-fest.

I have reached a new low I think. I realized that all of my fantasies revolve around being alone BY MYSELF with my own TV, stereo, candles, and choice of music & movies, followed by a long hot bath with even more candles, and wearing what I want and not what my mother deems appropriate. I can't find a new job soon enough.

Other than that, it has been little things around here keeping me from blogging and emailing friends in depth. Just because I am working weird hours, helping with errands & bill paying, doctor appointments, yard work, and the occasional crisis of minute proportions is no reason what so ever for not writing & I know it.

I do have several items on my laptop. Downside is that I have nothing resembling a disk or jump drive to transfer from 1 computer to the other & my laptop is not hooked up to the internet - yet. By noon tomorrow that will change and my job hunting will progress to a whole new level. I can't wait!

I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamt that I was working at a zoological theme park co-founded by Matthew McConaughey (guy who played in Sahara). I and 99% of the rest of the staff had a massive crush on the guy but he was sort of a Dennis the Menace personality in my dream. He'd show up, sort of help out, get distracted and disappear about the point that his help was truly needed and necessary. The main point of my dream was that I was working on this 1 part of the park when I was interrupted by my supervisor. She wanted me to give a tour to some potential money sources. During her description of the family, Matthew called to say he would not be showing up because his nephews had arrived unexpectedly and he needed to get them settled. So off I went to give this tour to a family of 3 - mom, dad & junior. It was a great tour & I wish I actually did work at a place like this. The only bad & truly weird part was my fear of heights/vertigo made an appearance and there were parts of the park I had to get the father's help traversing because I would freeze up and panic and be unable to continue. Which is why I was pissed at Matthew because he knew about my fears and knew how to get my past those points without any social faux pau. Since I was giving a tour to convince this family they wanted to write a big check to help continue to fund the park and my job, having panic attacks was not a good thing. Since I was dreaming it was especially bad.

Oh well. More tomorrow!

Recommendations & Gossip

For those who care about their hands & feet as much as I do, a product I just found at the local Big Lots might be of interest. The website is http://www.frillsbeauty.com. I picked up 1 of their sample packs and have loved every single 1 of the products. The foot baths smell wonderful & have done a lot to make my hands & feet a lot less stiff & sore. That & a lot of the incredible rough edges that have been developing since I took this job at the garden nursery have started to wear away.

Another website / show I can recommend is http://www.globetrekkertv.com. I started watching it a few weeks ago on ETV & was rather impressed. Then you throw in the shopping and I was hooked. The show is just what the title says it is. There are about 4 travel guides who go to various locations around the world and show you what the sights are and give you a rough idea of what to expect from the places you stay and the best ways to get to the sights. The web site also offers the taped shows, music, and various other odds & ends. The music will be something for my ever growing wish list, but what I have listened to on-line is pretty good. At least, by my standards.

Now for the gossip. Yesterday at work I learned something rather bizarre by my standards. Since moving to Beaufort, SC I have been constantly surprised by the price differences from Statesboro, GA. I just had a massive difference pointed out yesterday. Keep in mind that Beaufort, SC is a small Southern town that is a MAJOR tourist spot. As in, we are less than 1/2 an hour from Hilton Head Island & there is LOADS of cash floating around this area. The "quieter" source of community funding is based on the Marine training depot, Paris Island, and the Marine Air Station for its income.

Now, given the 2 extremes of income, you would think there would be a varied supply of housing in this area. Well, I would. Unfortunately, I am wrong, horribly wrong. Examples include this - there is a block of 2-story townhouse's that all have 2 bedrooms, 1 & 1/2 baths, living room & kitchen, on 1/4 acre, approx. That is all that they are. They face the back of a strip mall that consists of a kitchen store, Talbots, & a few similar stores. On the 1 side is a boat outfitter, & I mean the LARGE boats. You know, yachts? And on the other side is a marsh view. Behind them is more housing of similar size. Guess how much they average?

Well, if you guessed over $200,000 each, you would be right!

I would not pay that, but that is just me.

Another example is the house I am living in now. My mom paid around $125,000 for this, a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, kitchen, living room, dining room, enclosed garage on 1/2 an acre (approx.). That is not too bad. More than I'd want to pay, but since there are 3 adults & 1 child, plus 5 animals, it is working. The location is on a small pseudo-penisula along the coast line, so though we are on the "inside" of this mini-subdivision, we still can see the marsh on both sides. We can also definitely hear the Paris Island gun fire & sometimes even the drill sergeants. Thanks to a realtor who has come sniffing around, we now know that these houses, which are all at least 30 years old & need new everything, can sell from any where from $$200,000 to $400,000 depending on how extensive the renovation have been.

This is a small town. There is little to do here beyond attend the local festivals, go boating, and generally be wealthy. The shopping is non-existent. So why on earth is this place so expensive? Oh wit, that's right! Most of the people here are wealthy to the point that spending over $200,000 for a small house is nothing to them. So what if they only use it 4 months out of the year? Sheez!

I really want to get out of this town. I know that I am here and doing multiple good things helping my family. I know my mother & I have had more heart to hearts over the past few months & worked out more issues than we have over the past few years. I know that this is only temporary & when it is the right time, life will fall in to place & I will move. But I really want it to be no later than January 2007. I want a life again where I can take a freaking bath & have candles burning & a glass of wine. I want to go back to my salads & tofu. All things that I can not do while living with others.

Not because they are family, which does play a role, but because this is not my home & most of the bills are paid by someone else. So I have not the right to indulge in my pleasures when I know they can not be shared by my family, nor are they encouraged because they all involve items that are frowned upon. Especially the candles, which blows my mind. Alcohol, though bad, is not as dangerous as candles apparently. Once I figure out why that is true, I'll let you know.

Something Of Interest

Something of interest - SFAG posted a tribute to 9/11 that I was rather surprised by. The opening line of his post is a latin phrase I've seen, but never knew exactly what the translation was. So, a few keystrokes later, I found this, and found myself rather emotional afterwards.

"frater, ave atque vale"

Latin phrase meaning "hail, brother, farewell." It appears at the end of a poem by Catullus:

Through many countries and over many seas
I have come, Brother, to these melancholy rites,
to show this final honour to the dead,
and speak (to what purpose?) to your silent ashes,
since now fate takes you, even you, from me.
Oh, Brother, ripped away from me so cruelly,
now at least take these last offerings,
blessedby the tradition of our parents, gifts to the dead.
Accept, by custom, what a brother's tears drown,
and, for eternity, Brother, 'Hail and Farewell'.

The poem and phrase were further immortalized 1,900 years later by Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem Frater, Ave Atque Vale:

Row us out from Desenzano, to your Sirmione row!
So they row'd, and there we landed, 'O venusta Sirmio!'
There to me thro' all the groves of olive in the summer glow,
There beneath the Roman ruin where the purple flowers grow,
Came that 'Ave atque Vale' of the Poet's hopeless woe,
Tenderest of Roman poets nineteen-hundred years ago,
'Frater Ave atque Vale' as we wander'd to and fro
Gazing at the Lydian laughter of the Garda Lake below
Sweet Catullus's all-but-island, olive-silvery Sirmio!

The web site I found this at is http://www.answers.com

Grumps

This has been an interesting weekend. The most bizarre part has been the absolute relief I felt when I had to go to work. That's just weird. Not to mention what it says about my home life that I prefer to be at work rather than at home.

Anyway, I'm ready for the week to start. I am ready to fall on my face because I am so physically exhausted, but it is good to be so exhausted. Tuesday, I helped rearrange the existing stock of flower pots at work. On Wednesday, we received 4 pallets worth of heavy ceramic flower pots. Since unloading those, I feel like a wet noodle on a hot stove. Then I helped merchandise everything.

I spent Friday cleaning & running errands, Saturday at work, then today working in the yard. I'm ready to run away to the nearest spa, ya know?

What makes everything so really exhausting isn't the physical work though. It is how my nephew's soccer is eating in to our lives. How a close friends' almost boyfriend really screwed up to the point I am more than pissed for her. How my sister has been talking to her ex-husband for the 1st time in over 4 years. While there is a certain smugness is knowing that he is on his second divorce & she is acting towards him like he did towards my sister, it does not change the fact that my sister is something of an idiot where the man is concerned. Not that I have much room to talk given my choices, but I guess all I can do is be there & keep asking about how much he has changed/ matured over the past few years. Questions like, has he grown up any at all? pop to my mind where he is concerned.

Oh well, it's dinner time & if I am going to get up tomorrow, I need to go to eat dinner & go to bed. Joyousness. I can not wait until I can move out. I want my own home again. But that is just me.

A Goodbye & A Random Thought

I am horribly unhappy about 2 deaths. The crocodile Hunter, Steve Erwin, was supposed to live forever. I was expecting to watch him & his kids on TV, playing with crocs & snakes & other such dangerous critters with my nephew's kids in 40 years, you know? Now, well, he is gone. And in such a bizarre way, too. I mean, a sting ray barb through the heart? What the fuck is that? It is just wrong! I liked him & I hate knowing that 1 of the few decent people on TV is gone.

The 2nd death is a bit closer to home for me. A local Stateboro, GA hero, Erk Russell, died at 80 years of a heart attack. He was a college football coach & 1 of the best. He will be missed.

I liked him the few times I met him. I used to work at the campus catering & he was one of the few who would make life nice for us as we served dinner. He was polite, and believe me, that is a miracle in & of itself. An icon has passed.

Now for the complete random thoughts -
(Snickering madly now)

I had a revelation the other day while running errands. I finally figured out the fascination with stars & their sex lives. Why romance novels like the Steele sister's sell so well. It's because we can not talk about our neighbors & family members! Just because we know that our sister is sleeping with so & so, who's married with kids, and that the neighbors husband has a male lover, and several other pieces on the side of a different racial background, makes no difference. You can't bring it up and gossip about your neighbors & family with your co-workers & buddies. Why? They do not know these people. But everyone knows Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Oprah, The Twins, Paris Hilton, and so on & so forth. So we can gossip about them!

Blindingly obvious, I know, but since I never thought about it before yesterday, give me credit, OK?

Alcohol

OK, what is the deal? I have had over the past 3 weeks several conversations with numerous women about men & their drinking. At work, with the neighbors, with friends, and several others, I have listened to rants about men & their drinking. I am confused by what the attraction to alcohol is. Why is drinking such a must by so many? I will be the 1st to admit I enjoy a good drink every now & again. In fact, several drinks sounds appealing lately. But it is not that big of a deal. can anyone explain?

Swimming

Today, I hit my boredom threshold. I go to the pool and doggy paddle for an hour most mornings. Nothing thrilling, just straight grunt work. So today I decided to start experimenting & see what I remember from swim class that won't threaten these way to expensive contacts. Among other things, I tried treading water. Does OH MY GAWD!!!! mean anything? I thought I was going to croak! I officially have the greatest respect for anyone who treads water in full gear for over 1 second. I was in a simple 1-piece suit & thought I'd croak after 30 seconds!

But I can feel the difference so I am going to add that in to the mix. If nothing else to break up the boredom. I am going to have to get that lasik soon. It will be a huge savings & far less of a hassle to not worry about my contacts any longer. Besides my contacts are $600 for the pair. I can take that money & spend it on lasik and be done with it.

In the short term, I need to find some place that sells those ugly swim caps. My hair is too long & too fine to risk the damage chlorine does to it. I have it soft & silky. I will not ruin that!

Is It Over Yet?

I'm in a mild form of hell. I'll give the highlights now. In a few days I'll see the funny side of this. Right now, I'm just pissed, tired, ready to fight or cry at the drop of a hat.

Why?

Well, the outer wall of my room is nothing more than paneling over 2x4's basically. Inside & out. No insulation. No sealant in any size, shape, or form. Just cheap wood paneling & unpainted base boards inside & exterior siding outside. Zilch in between & most definitely nothing at the bottom.

How did I discover this? Because we have had some serious rain lately, we are & looking forward to more thanks to this hurricane down in Cuba. Because the outer wall was buried in about 10 inches of dirt, all the excess water ran inside. Under boxes, under books, under journals, under clothes, under furniture - about 1/2 way across the floor.

It now stinks to high heaven, I dried everything out and clean it all enough over the weekend so that today I stripped the room down and rearranged. I spent my day off Friday outside raking out about 10 inches of dirt, clearing between the siding & cement pad. I've tossed 4 large trash bags of papers & books. Have done 7 loads of laundry. Prayed that my furniture doesn't rot. Little things. Satuirday & Sunday I cleaned madly & dried everything I could with either a fan or a hair dryer. That was oodles of fun, believe me. Today, I stripped the room down and rearranged. Tomorrow, I'm going shopping & getting some of that canned foam expanding insulation to put outside. May not do a damn thing, but it will make me feel better.

Other than that, not much else is going on. This morning, I went swimming & thought about someone I have not seen since 1989 - Julie Hemling. My senior year of high school, she was my best friend. Then we went to college, and never saw each other again. No idea why I thouhgt of her, but judging by what my stepmom has dropped, & what did not pop up-on google, my life has been a bit more adventure filled than hers. Either that, or a bit more hate filled.

Am I the only person out there who feels bad for not being more philosophical in their blogging? I read several dozen others, but really do not feel like adding to what is already posted in blog-land. I know that I am shallow and have little to really add when on-line like this, but . . . I feel guilty! I feel like I should be exercising my mind and adding to the commentaries about the Middle East, politics, social debates, and so on & so forth. But I don't and I feel so shallow some times because I would rather read what others say and then go my merry way.

You Grew Up In The 80's If;

This is for those of us with enough . . . maturity to understand.
oh.... doesnt this just take you back to our child hood ;-)

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets. 34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. Don't worry, be happy
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family) 46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49 You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet! 60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!

Bit of Self-Discovery

Lately, a close friend has been inspiring me to think of relationships in a less than negative manner. If it would not freak the poor soul out completely, I'd say thank you. That would mean all sorts of explanations, so if you are reading this, then know how much I appreciate you and try not to get too mad at me if I screw up in this posting, OK?

Anyway, part of my self-analysis has been my personal comfort levels. I read far more than I should, listen to others describe their relationships of whatever type, watch TV, listen to the radio, and recognize that there is a wide spectrum of personal comfort levels. Mine is fairly normal, I think. I mean, I might make it some where around impossible for someone new to enter my life, but once you are in, the boundaries are pretty non-existent. It does not bother me if someone has to use the bathroom but continues the conversation while in there doing whatever, and vice versa. It does not bother me to run around with my hair an absolute mess. I only get fussy when my clothes are still in the closet and I am not related to you some how.

Probably the only weirdness I have is 1 I developed over the years. Many years ago, I trusted everyone & it did not bother me if someone sat close to me, helped me with my jacket, gave me a backrub. Thanks to more than a few negative experiences, the number of people I can stand to even sit beside on a sofa is pretty small. As we have been discovering, it even includes my family. Though I have to admit that I can tolerate longer periods with them than I can most.

1 of the small light bulb moments I have had is how I can name on 1 hand, with 3 fingers left, the number of people I have been able to just fall asleep on, and I mean that literally. I'm talking about the sort of trust where you can sprawl out & sleep hard and not worry about drooling, sweating till you stick to one another, and just sleep. My grandmother & my longest lasting fuck buddy are it. My mom tells horror stories of trying to get me asleep because I would not be lulled to sleep by anyone, but insisted that my grandmother hold me. Not to say she & Dad couldn't get me to sleep, but I have heard many stories of how annoying I was - & still am - about sleep.

There are also many stories of how, once I am asleep, you could have an entire conversation with me & I would never twitch a muscle. Or even better, the Disney after dark stories. I will explain that in detail if anyone is foolhardy enough to actually ask, but for those who know me & my past, yes, it was K.E.G. who's "advances" I slept through, well enough he always smirked. Rather sad when you think about it.

A lot of this is rehashing & I know that. But during our conversations, I have been thinking about my past and how it has put me in a position to help a friend make several difficult choices. Without some of my experiences, I could not have the openmindedness to just listen to what I am hearing. I would probably judge and then who knows how things would progress? I might not be thrilled at the drama of this situation, but at least I can help by supporting decisions & giving my impressions.

Cheesy, Guidepost moments coming -

It has been a comfort of sorts to know that experiences I have had, which ended in a distinctly shitty way, have not been a total waste. I know that I would do everything the same, though there are a few moments I would have reacted faster or a bit differently. Overall, I would probably do everything the same as I did. That has been a relief to realize because I have been second guessing and doubting & generally wondering. Now, while I still find myself pissed off at how things ended, it does not matter. I said goodbye and have gone on. I can now say that I have no real regrets over the past 13 years or so on the relationship side. That is a good feeling.

Now all I have to do is get past the remaining angst over how the jackass did not end things and my general vague feelings of loss off a good friend and life will be perfect. But hey, I have lots of time to do that as I work hard to move inland. ;-)

New thought -

I really can not wait for the next few years to pass. I know that a lot can happen over the next few years. That's what happens when time passes after all. But as a family we have a rough 6 year plan for what we want to occur. At the end of it, we will be living inland in any of the following states - SC, NC, TN, KY, VA, or WV. We want seasons again. None of us want to worry about a hurricane coming through and wiping out not only our home but our jobs and everything else. I know that it will take 2-5 years for this chaos my mom, sister, nephew & I have created to be sorted out and all of us in the position to move away, but it works because none of us is ready to move. We just all know that 6 years we all want to be in that geographical area.

Mom will be retired in 6 years & plans on being some place close to my nephew. My sister intends to finish her business degree here, get a job & 2-4 years experience as an accountant, possibly working towards her CPA, while my nephew gets his elementary years under his belt in 1 school. I will be maturing further & deciding what I want to be when I grow up. In 6 years, no matter what I choose, it will be some place else.

As for this job at the nursery, I am still stunned at how well I am fitting in & enjoying myself. I am debating on just what I want for myself long term because this is not a career field with a great retirement plan. In fact, there really isn't one. Benefits are something you get IF you work for a place like Wal-Mart or Lowe's. For what I am doing, health insurance & retirement are strictly up to the individual. Since I am still completely confused about my future and only know what I need to help accomplish over the next 6 months to 6 years, I am pulling a Scarlett O'Hara - I'll think about it tomorrow.

Anyway, that's' the plan here. Not much else going on beyond working in this ridiculous heat, taking care of the yard, ferrying my nephew to soccer & school functions, my sister to her classes, & running all errands for Mom. Maybe I should look into housekeeping? It can't be any worse than this. In fact, it is probably easier than working in a nursery. It's just that I do not want to deal with other peoples laundry, you know?

Oh well. Decisions are for later.
(My new mantra.)

HeHeHe!

THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued.. and WON!
(Stay with me.)
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process,the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyerfor his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires".
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS.

Almost forgot this!

I started something new on Monday. So far, I can feel a difference though visibly, there are no results. I started swimming at the local Parks And Leisure Services public pool just a few miles down the road. I go swim laps for about an hour, take a shower there too.

Rhapsodizing a moment here, so excuse me. I found the place by sheer serendipity. My sister & went to the main office of P.A.L.S.'s to sign my nephew up for soccer. While she filled out the forms, I wandered about & was impressed. We had been to the local YMCA & all things considered, the Y is a better facility. However, none of us can afford a $100 sign up fee, plus $125/month to use the facility as a family. For just me, it is a $75 sign-up fee + $55/month. The Y is a better facility, can be accessed anywhere if you travel, and their resources are all in 3 major locations, which is a nice feature.

However, all I want is to be able to swim laps because I can not lift weights, jogging is a no go, and I've already been told that anything beyond walking, yoga, tai chi, and swimming is a guarantee to destroy my lower back & knees, not to mention I'll run the risk of destroying my right hip joint entirely. I was even told that if I decided to take up kayaking or canoeing or kayaking or any thing along those lines, I have to approach it the way I do my walking. LIMITED! Too long, too much stress, I'm liable to slip another disc.

Soooo, paying for a bunch of stuff I can not use rubbed my literally poor self raw, so I kept looking. On the day we signed Little Man up for soccer, I found it! P.A.L.S. has several pools! The 1 I go to is just down the road by my nephews future high school. It is $25/person for a month (or $35 for a family), unlimited usage. They also have a really nice soccer field, walking tracks, play grounds, handball courts, small classes for yoga, tai chi, arts & crafts, etc. I'm excited about this because so far I have enjoyed it. We'll see what happens in a month.

I do feel bad about the poor life guards though. So far, I have been the only person there in the morning. That has to be incredibly boring watching me dog paddle back & forth, you know?

Tuesday's Notes

I have discovered another reason why not to have children. They get in trouble & lose some priviledge, then everyone else is also in torment. Here in this household, the 7 yr old has lost all TV priviledges after school. He can watch TV in the morning AFTER he's gotten ready for school & on Saturday. The rest of the time, we are all out of luck.

Not a big deal, right? WRONG! We all suffer because he keeps asking if he can watch a movie, a DVD, a VHS, play his gameboy, whatever. He gets in trouble for throwing a temper tantrum, & gets time out. He then stomps off & wails away with those gloriously false tears that have driven adults insane across time. Instead of having a quiet Sunday, we get to play annoying games all day long. It's torture for someone like me who prefers the quiet.

I'm sure this is making a better person of me, but I'll have to wait a few years and get back to you on how. And then maybe I might, might wax nostalgic over the memories. Now? HA!

Ah well.

And now for a brief endorsement -

For pet owners who have finicky cats with twitchy stomachs, but a limited budget, here's something to consider. Meow Mix has that new Market Fresh plastic tub stuff out now. I'm living with 5 of the meowers & with 1 of those tubs, each morning I can scoop out 1 teaspoon for each of them. They are happy campers & everyone gets the same thing. It's a decent price & the best part of all is the 3 cats with twitchy tummies do not ralph it all back up again for us to walk in. That last is a MAJOR consideration around here because whatever they ralph up tends to multiply in mass on the return trip.

We have also decided to try the cats & the 10 year old Australian Shepherd out on Pedigree's new organic dry food. So far, the cats have been eating their version with great joy, and most importantly, NOT throwing it all back up. In fact, we have noticed a marked decrease in litter box smell & hacked up hair balls. There may not be any relation what so ever, but since that is the only new thing, we are going with the flow. As for the dog, well, we started off with a small bag. She tracked that bag like she does my nephew's beef jerky bags if that says anything.

People Are Strange

I am listening to Montel right now. I appreciate his gossip show over the rest because the majority of the people he features are good, steady, middle class people who got screwed & are either on a crusade to help others avoid their mistakes or are in such desperate need for help, that they are willing to be a negative example. It is not Jerry Springer - esque, notr is it an Oprah sob fest complete with bits on how you too can look like Nicole Kidman for the low cost of only $1,000! Whoo-Hooo!

Any way, he has people on who really got screwed by the opposite sex. I should not be watching this show because I am already cynical about interpersonal relationships. But anyway, these are people who fell for the ultimate scammers. These are people who married multiple times without bothering to divorce anyone. Scum who floated from house to house, living off all of these people, telling huge lies to explain all the little details away.

I do not get that sort of mentality. How can you willing go from 1 person to another, sleeping with all of them, being what each of them wants/needs to the point that they do not question the extended absences, and generally making it work? I can get the extended absences because they are a fact of life if 1 or both are military, police, firemen, whatever. And I understand the high divorce rates because it is hard to cope with watching someone you love go off in their uniform that you bitch about washing & ironing, knowing that there is a fairly strong chance the next time you see them, they could have a bullet hole, glass shards, bone(s) broken, whatever. But what if that is not the reason given? What if it is all a lie? And you find out about it? I know I would be pissed and make some rather drastic changes, the least of which would changing the locks & making sure all utilities & credit cards are in my name ONLY. Moving would be next & so would be a visit to the lawyers & cops, but that is just me.

But the relational aspects throw me completely. I have a hard enough time being everything my family wants me to be, let alone my deliberately small circle of friends. Fortunately, all of us have lives that mean I can disappear from theirs & not be missed or worried about. The internet (& this blog) have helped a lot there, but it is still true. We do talk, we do visit, but it is hard enough to be calm, patient, & understanding where anyone is concerned. So how do these shit heads pull it off for so many different people?

I am awed in a rather repulsed kind of way. I want to know how they can be so charming and emotionally "there" that there are people willing to give to them & buy the lines they sell.

I do not mean to imply that I am innocent of any of these same things, no one is. But then again, I do not have 15 husbands in a 3 state area, all of them paying for a house, my credit cards, and legal fees, each of them willing to stay with me to the day I die either. I have not lied to 10 others, each of them believing I was a member of the military when in reality I was a convicted deserter & had a bounty on my head. Little different things like that, you know?

Waaah!

I am so horribly confused. I enjoy this job. I like this job. I like the people I work with & for. The hours are perfect given the demands of my personal life. I enjoy the actual work of my job. Unfortunately, there are several big, looming BUTS that detract from my pleasure and I am not sure if I should wait & see or follow the "damn the torpedo" philosophy.

To explain - I am working at a garden nursery for $8/hour, 15-30 hours a week, no benefits, and only perk is a 30% discount on everything & an incredibly nice work environment. Oh, & a HUGE weight loss program because you sweat so much you lose at least 5 lbs. a day. It helps that this job is less than a mile away from home so I walk to work, saving gas & losing weight.

However, the downside is that the landlord is not going to renew in a year so the entire business will be moving, probably closer to Hilton Head, which is nothing I really like to think about. I will never work more than part time, and while there will be pay raises, they are incremental and after my 6 month raise, I won't see another for a year. Which is standard & perfectly OK. If I want to make this a career choice, then I am going to have to go back to school and start learning about plants, their growth cycles, pests, diseases, etc. Do-able, but I am so bloody tired still from my last foray into higher education and my last job as a librarian. I am not sure I will be able to face going back to school for a LOOOONG time.

I also do not want to spend the rest of my life in this area. I really want to move to the Tennessee, Kentucky, Virginia area. I like the areas, I'd be closer to the majority of my friends, my family would be closer. That is once my mom retired & moved in 6 years. My sister is already studying the job market in Tennessee & intends to move once her son is in about 5th grade.

I would like to regain my independence again and have a real bathroom I can take a real bath in without arguing for a week before & after. I'd like to have a real pay check so that I can go to various locations & visit them, playing tourist on occasion. And let's not talk about benefits & their attraction!

But I genuinely like this current job & I do not know what to do & which way to jump any more. I have my parents nagging me, my anti-social tendencies getting harder & harder to surpress, and I am confused!

I'm A Wuss

Not too many years ago, I was able to function on 5-6 hours of sleep a night, boosted by some liquid form of caffeine. Now? If I don't get 7-9 hours of sleep, then I am trashed till I catch up. This getting old crap sucks!

Random Thoughts

Thought 1 - Sunday nights, we tend to watch ABC's Extreme Home Makeover. We enjoy the show because it does tend to be rather positive and not nearly as grim & depressing as some of the other TV options out there. That & its a brainless show so we can knit, work on puzzles, paperwork, whatever while it's on.

The problem which we all have, and 1 I have heard expressed by others (right, exmi?) is that the house's built are usually way over the top & beyond the means of the person they are helping. Sure, who wouldn't love a brand new house with a pool, water features, massive rooms, new appliances, weight room, and whatever else you can fit in. But who is paying the taxes on the new house? And let's not forget the utility bills because you know those are going to leap upwards. Throw in the fact that most of these families are extremely stressed out and running around madly trying to accomplish more than most every day. S how are they going to take care of all those little, every day things like mowing their new landscaped yard and trimming the hedges and making sure the walks are edged and so on & so forth?

Thought 2 is about something I saw on the local news last night. They did a piece on this gentleman who was a wee bit unhappy with his power company. Every month for the past 4 years he would open his power bill up & write the check & be done with it till next month. Not this month. He opened it and choked on the $2400.00 bill he got. It seems that for the past 4 years his meter was running slow & finally died. When it died, the power company discovered the problem and then estimated how much the man would owe and billed him.

Naturally, he was upset and while he offered to make payments, the company is demanding everything NOW! Since he is on a fixed income, there are a few issues there, so he called the news & the Better Business Bureau. They stepped forward, talked with other power co.'s who agreed that since this is such a rare event and it's not as if the guy did this deliberately, they would just eat the cost. It's not as if it was noticed over the past 4 years after all so they would be at fault, not the customer. I mean really, can you read your own meter? And would you know if it was running slow or not? I wouldn't! Here's the link with more details if anyone's interested.

Thought 3 - I have got to find a good "gardeners soap." The dirt and general plant life that gets ground into my skin at work is really astonishing. In fact, if no one has any suggestions beyond running my nails along a soap bar to keep the dirt out from there, I am open to them all. Including how to get stains out of a white shirt. Ground in leaf is an absolute bitch to get out.

Thought 4 - Unless some major upheaval comes along, I am publicly declaring my intention of renting a motel room some day in 2007 and taking a long, hot bath. I am starting to fantasize about hot tubs and drool over bubble bath supplies at Wal-Mart. I had not realized how addicted I was until I moved in here and discovered that I can not take a long, HOT bubble bath here. It does not help that I recognize the reasons, I WANT A HOT BUBBLE BATH! Just because the tub will not hold heat for more than 10 minutes, the idea of privacy in the bathroom is a joke, I could not have an scented candles, soft misic playing, or a glass of wine because of the cramped nature of the bathroom mixed with the fact that the only time I could commandeer the bathroom is when my nephew is in bed and it's just a lost cause. So I am going to rent a cheap room & TAKE A BUBBLE BATH!

Thought 4 - In 2007, a cousin will be getting married. On many levels, I am absolutely thrilled for her & I wish her the absolute best. I think the wedding she has planned will be a spectacular event and will be a memorable event she will cherish. However, I am trying hard not to be repulsed by it all.

Why? Because she is having a full wedding mass in a Catholic church, in Washington D.C., at 7 pm, with a dinner reception afterwards. Because they have been living together for the past 6 years in a place they bought together, after dating since their freshman years in college. Because they are registered at Macy's along with Crate & Barrel, the wish list of wedding gifts are all along the lines of items I know they already have, but they want someone else to get them the newer, better model that they either did not want to pay for or are not ready to get to replace their old one. That & most of what they are registered for is well over the $150 mark, which just offends me. Mix into this a certain level of resentment because if I go, it will be just for the wedding & I will not be able to go sight seeing - AGAIN! I hate going some place with several locations I want to see - like the Zoo & Smithsonian - but be on a time & budget limit & unable to go.

And I feel awful for resenting all of her wedding arrangements, especially since this is HER day. I do not begrudge her the wedding & the extravagance, but I guess in some ways I am bewildered and contemptuous of the hoopla she is creating. I know, as I sit here typing this, that a lot of my negative emotional response is because every wedding I have been to that was "an event" has turned out to be a vile marriage, while every simple wedding I have been to has turned out to be a marriage worth emulating. I know that a lot of it is a resentment over the sheer fretting everyone is going to generating, which is going to tick me off. And I am going to have to smile and congratulate everyone, knowing that whatever I find to wear will not be appropriate because my life style does not have a thing in common with theirs.

Hmmmm, you know, that might be the biggest part of my desire not to go. I know I will not fit in. I do not go out & drop $600 on a latte machine, let alone a pair of shoes. Yet these people do. I'd rather be outside playing in the dirt, sweating like a pig, yet these people barely recognize a gardens existence.

Party Time!

YIPPIE! I have DSL again! Life is so cool! Yippie!

I can start visiting blogs with lots of pics like Must Be Tuesdays and check out web sites with lots of cute pictures and watch trailers for movies and other cute wave files. I can download music! This is so cool!

My mother was extremely hesitant to get DSL, but Embarq/Sprint is currently running a really good deal & its actually cheaper now than it was under her old dial-up plan. So who am I to complain? If all goes well, I might be able to justify satellite under her name with me paying the bill. We shall see what happens but this is so nice. No hoping that I do not get kicked off the net. No more reading 2 or more chapters in a book while waiting for my email to load. Nirvana!

Today at work, I came to a startling conclusion. It's hot. Amazing, isn't it?

I'm about to be a commercial, but that Propel by Gatorade has been the best choice out of everything I have taken to keep hydrated at work. Regular Gatorade tastes way to salty, which makes me even thirstier. Water gets blah pretty damn quick. Tea sends me to the port-a-potty & then back for more to drink, repeating frequently. But this Propel, it has flavor but doesn't leave me craving more because my mouth feels like the Sahara just moved in, nor so sugary that I end up with a headache in this heat.

And yes, we have a port-a-potty. Where I work, there is no real plumbing. What there is, is an excellent irrigation system with water facets strategically raised for staff convenience and a port-a-potty in the back. It has been an education in etiquette using the monstrosity, especially since all we have is fans through out the property. There is no a/c anywhere on the property. It gets hot. Since I am blessed with the ability to sweat like mad in any temperature, I routinely come home literally dripping wet. I wring my clothes out at the end of a day at work, and in this heat, I go in back & wring my shirt out at least once. Since I am also covered in dirt and plant leaves, it is really disgusting.

What is truly astonishing is home much I love this job. On many levels I should not. I work hard, my hands and feet are anything but smooth & delicate. I have freckles forming all over. I sweat like a pig. I stink. Yet I can't wait to go back to work and am wondering about getting a degree in horticulture. I know that I would have to specialize because I have no desire to be a grower, or irrigation expert, or involved in hardscape land scaping (concrete, fountains, etc.). That leaves nurseries and landscaping, with all the specialization in those areas. I have a tenative plan to work at this job until next year. Then I will ask about working with the landscape crews and see what happens there. Which ever I discover I enjoy more, then that is what I will start focusing on as a full time career. I will go for the necessary accreditation, and see what happens from there.

Either that or end up dead from heat exhaustion.

Serious note, but these gas prices are getting out of hand. I disagree with a lot of what is happening in our government now, but this is really annoying. It does not help when I read & hear the so-called experts rambling on about how these higher gas prices are not going to affect the average American family. I'd like to know just what these experts consider an average American family because I meet people from a wide spectrum of socio-economic backgrounds, yet EVERYONE is currently hurting & these gas prices are not helping.

Something a friend emailed me.

WARNING!
This is not PC by any stretch! It tickled my sense of humor, but you might not enjoy it, my few readers!

Flight Attendant
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so, I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

I've been dreaming.

Let me start off by saying that my dreams do not, under any circumstances, compare to exmi's. But lately, I have been recalling my dreams & some are just down right weird. These are shortened versions because a lot of my dreams I just do not recall much beyond the gist/theme/major highlights as the case may be.

the 1st dream I was conned by 1 of my ex boyfriend's, and the only 1 who almost managed to get me to the alter, to be a guest violinist in his class. Basically, I was to be his show & tell for the day. In the dream, I was sitting there in the front of a college classroom, listening to the professor going on & on about my qualities & such, being extremely detailed which made me a lot confused, and give a short demo himself of what someone playing the violin looks & sounds like. And during all of this, the fact that I have never once in my life even picked up a violin was politely mentioned & ignored. Before I could stand up & do my demonstration of total violin incompetence, my alarm went off.

The next dream was even stranger. I remember even less of this one, but I was living in a nice 3 bedroom house with my sister's ex-husband, his new wife & step son. It was all very polite & all, and it was made bearable to me because I was the owner of the place, but it was odd because not only was my sister OK with it all, but she got a kick out the situation. It helped that he & his family were perennially late with their share of the bill money. Throw in the fact that I rarely saw them, & it worked.

The final dream is even stranger. I was dating/living with Ty Pendington (spelling?) of ABC's Extreme Home Makeover fame. The 2 of us had made a stop at some sort of fair and were wandering around when a couple he had helped in the past approached & asked for additional help because they had failed in all their other attempts. While Ty talked with the husband, I baby shopped with the wife/mother-to-be. Eventually, Ty wrapped up the conversation and we wandered down the aisle. At the end we found this weird buffet line that had pizza, spaghetti, hamburgers, hotdogs, sausage, hotdog-burgers, & sausage-burgers. I got just a burger, but he tried the sausage burger. It was ridiculously phallic looking because what they did in my dream is wrap hamburger meat around a sausage or hot dog & then grilled it. There are other memory flashes from that dream, but they mostly revolve around being held, and how it felt to be pulled close & all that good stuff.

As I said, weird. Where any of that came from I do not know. Especially since the closest to watching TV I have done in months is the local news, Hot Wheels movies 1-3, & the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

And as a bit of clarification, I have posted some negative comments about chihauha's on exmi's blog. I think they are cute friendly dogs that are great family pets. I have played with & baby sat many over the years. But I have a hard time coping with a breed that I know was bred originally for the dinner pot. I know that in the Orient (Japan, Korea, China, etc.), and parts of Europe if PETA is to be believed, it is still common to eat dog, cat & horse meat, but they also bred the animals for other purposes. Never solely as food. It makes it hard to take the little fuzz balls seriously.

It's Thursday

Another day has passed. I am incredibly sore right now and I'm feeling old, fat, & ugly. Yesterday at work, we CLEANED. As in, my boss & I removed multiple climbing rose bushes down to the roots. We cleared vines & weeds throughout the property. We shifted planters ranging from small 4 inch pots to 100 gallon monsters. We rearranged plants. Moved the freakin' water fountains in all their monstrous glory to a new location after scrubbing them down.

Now, I fuckin' ache. I have red ant bites on my hands & feet, so they are swollen and incredibly itchy. I had cockroaches crawling on me, & my reactions - usually a shriek with shudders - were not helped by my boss who backed away shrieking & shuddering.

Oh well. We did do an excellent job & I am proud of what we accomplished. I just wish I was younger & healthier because it takes too long to recover anymore. It is downright depressing.

Anyway, for those few of you who read this, can anyone explain to me what an iPod is & how you use it? As in, how do you get the music on the thingy? And any hints as to what to look for would also be appreciated. Thanks!

It's Freakin' Hot!

It's been a while since I posted. Wish I could say it was because something exciting was happening, but that's not in the cards. Over the past few weeks, our A/C has crashed & died. Fortunately, the repairmen were prompt and saved us from being broiled alive. I've been working in this 100 degree heat at the nursery and then spending my days off here at home clearing the yard of various mulberry bushes & vines.

I have also been to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." I loved it, but with 1 major proviso. I have listened to the reviews and general hype so I know what is coming up in next year's installment. So a lot of the excitement was just not there. I enjoyed it, but knowing just killed the climatic thrills.

1 of the benies of going to the theater was the trailer for the new Transformers movie coming out next July. Since I grew up watching those cartoons and playing with the toys, and generally enjoying my childhood, I am looking forward to seeing more about the movie. I will go see Tranformers for pretty much the same reason will go see Miami Vice. I grew up watching the show & I am curious to know what comes next. Besides, I can't rent in this house until my mother goes back to work because my taste in movies is too violent for her taste. Since she is Mom, she rules.

I have no desire to be a mom, but mom's sure have the power. Really kind of grumpy about that. But, since I am living for free right now, I guess I should be counting my numerous blessings & try not to be too obvious as I count the days.

Not much else going on. Working with plants either at work or here at home. Reading when I grab a few hours. Going to be around 9 pm so I can get up at 4 am to have some privacy and do my yoga before everyone else is up. I have learned most conclusively that when I do my yoga alone early in the morning my day goes much more smoothly & peacefully. If I sleep in, then I end up being a jungle gym for my nephew & trying to flow from upward dog to downward dog is hard enough with a bad back, adding 60 lbs of hyper active 7 yr old makes it impossible. Since I also get to be a sounding board for my mother & pet diversion for my sister so she can become human, it is just easier to get up ridiculously early. 1 of my goals is to buy a cheap DVD player so I can do my yoga in my bedroom in privacy. I know there will be comments, but at least I will have peace.

When I finally do move out, I will be a rabid dog where my privacy is concerned. I will be more than happy to have guests, but only by appointment. Preferably 4 weeks in advance. And maybe I'll make arrangements so my company can stay in a motel. And I am going to create a wine "cellar" because I am the only drinker right now. I am not a big drinker by any stretch, but I do like having a glass of wine occasionally, usually when I take a hot bath and am burning candles, listening to soothing Gregorian chants, and generally relaxing. But that will have to wait a bit. Joy.

No Order What-So-Ever

Today has been a good day. Despite some bad news the other day about exmi's dog, Beadle, life is actually pretty good. Beadle, last I heard was doing good and recovering well from a rattle snake bite. I am going to hold on to this positive feeling with teeth and nails, because I need it to cope.

However, in the past week & a half since I last posted, lots of fun things have happened.

I went with my sister & nephew to see the GREAT movie "CARS". THAT WAS GREAT!!!!!! I fully intend to add that to my personal collection, plus I already have the sound track. I sincerely wish that there were more movies like this one. There was nothing you could not discuss with others, there were lots of adorable moments, several really great laughs, and it was fun for all 3 of us.

I also watched the movie "The Brothers Grimm." Don't bother seems the best way to put it.

I was FINALLY hired. I am now working at a garden nursery. Only 16 hours a week, no benefits beyond a 30% staff discount, minimum wage, it is hot, sweaty, and - let me stress this - REALLY HOT & SWEATY work, but so far, I am enjoying it. The people whom I have met are incredibly nice. We laugh a lot. They introduced me to a new brand of shoes that I am starting to fall in complete love with because they are beyond comfortable. They are called crocs. Check them out. They come in extra small, small, medium, large & extra large sizes, but it doesn't matter. I have the smalls because I wear a 6 1/2, and these fit like a dream. The added advantage is that they are made out of rubber so when I get water sloshing all over, they do not gain an additional 20lbs. like wet sneakers do. Throw in the funny little massaging bumps, and these are really great on your feet all day shoes.

Continuing my positive list, I have a SC driver's license, my car is legally registered here in SC, I have a job so I can legitimately get out of the house with no one accompanying me, I have dropped 10 lbs., so I am down to 153 & have 28 more to go. I have found some really good green tea by Lipton. I have my own bedroom with my own bed and that is beyond wonderful. I am no longer sleeping with my sister. YIPPIE! I can actually close the door and be as barbaric as I please. Or even better, I can go to sleep!

That's about it right now. I am tired. This time in the sun is HARD. I am actually developing a tan for the 1st time in years and it is startling. I look down to wash my legs in the shower and they aren't fish belly white. They are tanned! I have some incredible tan lines, but since I am wearing shorts, it is not too bad.

Hello Again

FINALLY! The neighbors have pretty much finished cleaning out their yard. It took a total of 10 construction dumpsters, multiple trips from various salvage yards, and a bit over a month, but the mess is gone. The rat & cockroach population have seemingly exploded as they scurry for new homes, but that's to be expected. I guess. Maybe.

Now that they are FINALLY finished, my allergies have started to settle down. I was starting to wonder quite honestly if I would ever be able to breath normally again. Claritan has helped bunches, but when they remove that much sheer quantity, it is hard for the Claritan to keep up. It does not matter that I vacuum daily, wash my sheets twice a week, shower at least once a day, wear filters when I work outside, and generally pray for wet days because then the pollen doesn't scatter quite so much.

Other than that, not much is going on. I am rapidly approaching flat broke. I have not recieved any call backs, though I have had an interview to teach freshman college English for 1 of the local marine based universities. If that falls in to place, I will get about $1,000 every 3 months. That's nothing to sneeze at, just wish for more. But then, who doesn't?

Since nothing else is falling in to place, I have decided to take the advice of several friends and family members and try my hand at writing. I am terrifies to even start. Going to have to if I am going to find out if I have what it takes to get published & I know it. Does not chance the fact that starting is still the hardest part.

Some other good news - at least for me. I have my own bedroom again! It is the converted garage that my mom & sister had been using as a giant junk bin, but I cleaned it out over time, and took LOTS of trips to the dump. Once I accomplished the hard stuff, I rented a UHaul & got my bed & the rest of my bedroom "suite," and managed to do it all in a morning with a little help from my sister. Since it means that she no longer is sharing a bed with me, she was more than willing to help haul everything around. Mom helped by supplying the $40 to rent the truck & stayed out of the way. I was surprised by her donation, but since she was tired of our bitching, she figured $40 was worth it.

Still not sure how I feel about that sentiment.

I am sleeping again and am hoping that within a week or so, I will be feeling a lot more rested and have my mind back. Since my brain (and lungs) have been operating at less than full capacity, I am looking forward to having oxygen flowing freely through my body, and the effect it will have on my brain. As it is, all the neighbors in this tiny community I am now living in all joke about how they can all find me by my sneezes, and how they keep looking for the chickens I must be chasing to help me out. I smile a lot and am pleased to say that I have not audibly ground my teeth - yet.

Another Week

I am finally able to breath! Life is GREAT!

Claritain has become my personal drug of choice. For anyone suffering from allergies, TRY IT!
Ignore me, I'm on an oxygen high now & LOVING IT!

For anyone who does not suffer from allergies, runny nose, stuffy nose, itchy throat, itchy eyes, watery eyes, routine sinus & ear infections, I hope you realize just how blessed your life is. Speaking as someone who lives with all the above, life can be absolutely miserable on a routine basis.

Anyway, my nemisis has uncovered even more trash. They have burned more wood, had 5 more recycling experts over to gather their gleanings, and had yet 2 more construction site size dumpsters delivered. If it wasn't so necessary, I'd feel sorry for the poor bastards. As it is, my allerhies are bad enough that I am glad they are having all to pay for this. Though I am not so evil-natured that I don't hope the junk yard & recycling experts give my neighbors enough to help lessen the financial bite.

On another topic, my job searching is going no where fast. I have sent out resumes left & right, via mail, email, & fax, plus a few hand delivered, but gotten nothing back beyond an offer at a local branch of a university located at The Marine Corp. Air Station as an adjunct faculty position teaching English. If everything falls in to place, I'll start doing that this fall at the earliest, but spring is more likely. Joyous happiness.

I am not happy right now. It is too damn hot & yet according to my sister & mother it is barely comfortable. I am dripping sweat & they are wearing pants> AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!

Allergy Grumps

Been in allergy hell & only today have I been able to wear my contacts for more than an hour at a time. Since I do not have glasses, life has been complicated a bit.

1 of the neighbors (catty-corner from me) had DHEC called on them. Instead of jail time, the neighbor’s agreed to clean up the trash and remove dead trees. Not a big deal, right? HA!

So far, they have had the following hauled off in the past 2 weeks -
6 construction size dumpster’s,
3 vehicles ,
1 medium size boat,
2 of the Wal-Mart sized fishing boats,
3 flat-bed truck loads of tires,
AND scrap yard reps have been out daily to haul off their finds.

They are still not done! The crew cleaning out the sheds are also tearing down the sheds, tarps, and what-not, revealing additional layers. I have not talked to 1 of the neighbors who have not had exterminators out, because the snake, roach & rat population has been all trying to relocate as well. The cats & dogs are bringing home presents. 3 guesses how often you hear someone shrieking. As of Wednesday, they started burning. This previous Monday, they took down 4 trees and mulched those.

I have been unable to function and my nephew and mom haven’t been far behind. Itchy, sneezing, watery swollen eyes, rashes, coughing, stuffy nose, I can’t recommend living this way. The good news is that they are getting to the end and I am able to see again. Claritan is my friend. Yippie!

But, I have posted some humor below, so enjoy.

Hi, I'm Montana Dazzle-Hooter ;-)

MY NEW STRIPPER NAME IS IN THE SUBJECT LINE....
See what your stripper name will be, and share it with your friends:
We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute. Please don't be a prude and ruin it. Send it on to everyone you know including the person that sent it to you. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor...

A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated.

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
1. A = Fantasia
2. B = Chesty
3. C = Starr
4. D = Diamond
5. E = Montana
6. F = Angel
7. G = Sugar
8. H = Mimi
9. I = Lola
10. J =Kitty
11. K = Roxie
12. L = Dallas
13. M = Princess
14. N = Heidi
15. O = Bambi
16. P = Bunny
17. Q = Brandy
18. R = Sugar
19. S = Candy
20. T = Raquelle
21. U = Sapphire
22. V = Cinnamon
23. W = Blaze
24. X = Trixie
25. Y = Isis
26. Z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
28. A = Leather
29. B = Dream
30. C = Sunny
31. D = Deep
32. E = Heaven
33. F = Tight
34. G = Shimmer
35. H = Velvet
36. I = Lusty
37. J = Harley
38. K = Passion
39. L = Dazzle
40. M = Dixon
41. N = Spank
42. O = Glitter
43. P = Razor
44. Q = Meadow
45. R = Glitz
46. S = Sparkle
47. T = Sweet
48. U = Silver
49. V = Tickle
50. W = Cherry
51. X = Hard
52. Y = Night
53. Z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
55. A = hooter
56. B = horn
57. C = tower
58. D = fire
59. E = thighs
60. F = hips
61. G = side
62. H = jugs
63. I = shock
64. J = cocker
65. K = brook
66. L = tush
67. M = sizzle
68. N = ridge
69. O = kiss
70. P = bomb
71. Q = cream
72. R = thong
73. S = heat
74. T = whip
75. U = cheeks
76. V = rock
77. W = hiney
78. X = button
79. Y = lick
80. Z = juice

Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as the subject!!

"Why God Made Moms"

"Why God made moms" answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions... Be sure to read the story at the end.....

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.


What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

THE MOMMY TEST
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh,"...I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.


"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?" Church was pretty much over at that point...