I am trying to schedule the next few weeks so that I can make sure everything gets done and I actually have time to sleep and money to pay for it all. I know that I am not the only one does this sort of insanity, but why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we schedule so many items on our to do lists that eating becomes something quick in the car between appointments at the doctors and getting the oil changed?
Keep in mind that is what tomorrow looks like for me. I honestly do not have any free time on my day off this week that is not scheduled with something. And a lot of tomorrow falls under the dreaded, "Do 2 things at once." It is no wonder I am so tired!
Here is Fridays' general outline - get up so can get my yoga & 2-3 mile walk in, take care of the fuzz buckets (5 cats, 2 dogs, & 2 fish tanks), get place straightened up and laundry sorted, eat, get cleaned up, out the door so can be at mechanics to get car fixed by 9, but stop before hand to drop stuff off at Good Will, leave car, walk to the pub. Library to get latest book I requested, walk back to mechanics & take care of bills while waiting for cat to be finished, run over to Verizon & power co., hit discount food store, then Wal-Mart & pray to be done in under an hr so can get home, put everything away, pack for weekend, gather everything up so that 2 day mini-trip will not harm animals, do a better job of straightening & putting away and cleaning so that when get back after work Tuesday night, can go to bed, start laundry, load most of stuff in the car, and its now 9 pm, time to go to bed so can get up & out so can be at work by 9, after an hr long drive.
And I have a calm life compared too many. I do not know how people with families accomplish anything. I'm going nuts trying to take care of the 3 dogs & they aren't even mine! If there were children involved, I'd be taking extra jobs just so I could hire a nanny.
Oh well. The fact that I am willing to do this to myself says a lot. As does the fact that despite being an anal retentive control freak, I still managed to finish 3 books yesterday says a lot about my priorities in life. 1 of which being that people probably should be higher on my list.
The 1 book is called "Herein, Timespell" by Robert Challette. Don't waste your time. It is a bad formulaic sci-fi/fantasy that has nary an original idea, name, location, anything. I read it mostly because it was that or 4 month old golfer's digest & parenting magazines while sitting in the doctor's office. Since I qualify as neither, I read the boring story.
The other 2 are paranormal romances. Sherrilyn Kenyon's latest, "Sins of the Night," is on par with the rest of her romances. I enjoyed it because there was lots of neat information about some of the staple characters in the series as well as being a fun read. The other book is called "Urban Shaman," by C.E. Murphy. I intend to start looking for her future releases. It was definitely 1 of the better books I have seen in a while.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Back with Even More Stuff
This picture is from despair.com & seems remarkably appropriate lately.
There really has not been that much going on, entertainment wise. I have seen the absolutely hilarious chick flick, "Hitch," and definitely recommend the movie. There were parts I was crying I was laughing so hard. And the ending was fantastic in my humble opinion because it tied up most of those pesky loose ends without showing everyone living happily ever after.
I also watched some kid flicks & I know there will be moans of horror. I watched 2 of the latest Pokemon movies. They are horribly cliche and the moral of the stories were 2x4's between the eye's, but they are fun movies that are excellent to read by.
I have finished a few more books. For a dreamy tone, I would recommend Patricia McPhillip's "Od Magic" and "Atrix Wolfe." Neither are unusually anything, but they are fun quick reads that have strong fairy tale over tones. I also read M. J. Putney's "Stolen Magic" and the predecessor, "A Kiss of Fate." They did not ring any bells, cause any grand emotional response, but they definitely qualify as fun romance reads for a rainy day.
Probably the only decent read of the past few days is Laurie Kings "Locked Rooms." It is the latest in the Sherlock Holmes/Mary Russell series. For those who prefer the original Holmes stories, this series will be enough to cause rabid reactions. I enjoy it because not only does Holmes not die at the Falls, but he meets his female counterpart & they end up marrying in a rather attractive sounding marriage. Their adventures are fun & I enjoy the way L. King brings other literary classics in to her Holmes/Russell universe. This one has me interested in Dashell Hammett.
Once again, the fact that I work in a public library saves me a minor fortune and lets me grab what I want immediately. When I manage to leave this job, I am going to be seriously screwed. I will actually have to be prompt in returning my books! Oh No!
I know that I have read lots more than these, but none of them were in any way truly remarkable. Most are rather dull variations on the vampire themes and I can't say those were worth even remembering. Proven by the fact that I can't. I am constantly surprised by how many dull authors there are out in the publishing world. I know it is all a matter of taste, just read reviews, but it is rather daunting to want to find something but the options are so vile, you just do not want to read any of them.
Fortunately, I have 100 + items on my "To Be Read" shelf and so my sanity is saved. I am just hoping that the publishers keep putting out so I won't go insane from boredom.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
"They" lie!
I am about to share far too much personal information and I apologize. However, this is the perfect format for faceless venting & I am taking advantage.
Thanks to a series of wonderful doctors, I am on the orthotricyclen version of birthcontrol. Up until this past cycle, I have received the brand name from the Wal-Mart pharmacy. Last month, because a new prescription had been issued, the delightful pharmacists issued me the generic version. I, being tired and vastly more interested in getting food to eat than what was in my prescription bag, did not notice until I got home and unpacked all my goodies.
Since I am inherently lazy, I just shrugged my shoulders and went with it. THAT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE! This time around, I started 5 days early, and that flow is added to my normal days, its been heavy, I have been cramping, my back aches, I want nothing more than my bed and a heating pad, I am starving yet everything smells bad, and I HATE THIS! Yes, I have all the normal complaints, but this time around has been 2-3 times the normal crap & I am objecting most strenuously.
So as I have already said, anyone who claims that generic is the same as brand name is a LIAR!
Thanks to a series of wonderful doctors, I am on the orthotricyclen version of birthcontrol. Up until this past cycle, I have received the brand name from the Wal-Mart pharmacy. Last month, because a new prescription had been issued, the delightful pharmacists issued me the generic version. I, being tired and vastly more interested in getting food to eat than what was in my prescription bag, did not notice until I got home and unpacked all my goodies.
Since I am inherently lazy, I just shrugged my shoulders and went with it. THAT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE! This time around, I started 5 days early, and that flow is added to my normal days, its been heavy, I have been cramping, my back aches, I want nothing more than my bed and a heating pad, I am starving yet everything smells bad, and I HATE THIS! Yes, I have all the normal complaints, but this time around has been 2-3 times the normal crap & I am objecting most strenuously.
So as I have already said, anyone who claims that generic is the same as brand name is a LIAR!
Monday, June 20, 2005
Another stay at home night
Sunday, last night, I had another relaxing evening watching movies and reading books. I really should be more active, but, well, why? It's not as if I have a life anyway so why pretend?
Getting to the point, I watched "Collateral," with Tom Cruise. The movie was great - right up until the end. That ending stretches the "suspension of disbelief" factor to a whole new level. I couldn't go there and it really made for a bad impression.
It was just hard to believe that a man, standing on a parking garage, in L.A., would be able to look up into a 14th story window and see a woman's face as she worked in a law library. Sorry, that just isn't going to happen. To further ruin the movie, Cruise was shooting up a subway in L.A. and there was nary a transit authority in sight. Somehow, that is impossible to believe. I have never been to L.A., but I have been to Philly & Atlanta. I have never, ever NOT seen a transit authority rent-a-cop some where about.
Then, to add salt to the disastrous ending, the hero & his love interest stumble out of the L.A. subway system on to an empty street. REALITY CHECK! This is L.A. There is no such thing as an empty city street at any time of day. I know this & I have never been there!
No wonder the movie disappeared so fast if thats how it ended. All this cool build up & then the movie crashed & burned.
Before watching a movie I can never recommend to anyone, I spent some time reading. The 1 I enjoyed the most was a collection of vampire books & found it to be rather fun. I read "The Dark Destiny III" by Edward Kramer. It is a collection of short stories & probably the most depressing is one involving Lot's daughter. The portrayals are nothing less than horrific, but in a truly sad kind of way. It is a book I'm not sure I could recommend unless I knew the person enjoyed that sort of violence, but . . .
Let's see, what else have I read. It is kind of sad, because all I can remember is that I finished about 4 Harlequin paperbacks, 2 smaller romances by Jayne Anne Krentz, "The Hallowed Hunt" by Lois M. Bujold, and a few dozen others I can't remember unless I see the covers again. They were all good, but I tend to read A LOT.
I am never sure if my need to read is a good or bad thing because on some levels, it means I read a wide variety of topics. The problem is that since I do read so much, and do not have a photographic memory or perfect recall, it is hard to keep straight what I read, when and what goes with what. I try to keep the facts correct, but the details of how I got the facts is a bit confusing.
Other than my light entertainment, not much else is happening. I have not read any exciting articles or been inspired by any of the ongoing world events to say much more than life is progressing & I really don't think humanity is doing a stellar job as acting stewards of the world. We keep trying to kill ourselves off.
And I did watch Dateline last night. If anyone can explain to me why a bunch of young mountain climbers who have the bad luck to be captured by rebels in the middle of a mountain range in Kyzakstan or however is is spelled, are considered truly news worthy, please help me understand. If there had been a chance of immediate, humiliating death, then I can see why there would be media coverage. But that a bunch of snot nosed kids managed to be captured & then escape, get a book deal, and get on with their lives, then so be it. But enough with the trash media. There are all sorts of vastly more entertaining things that could be covered.
Getting to the point, I watched "Collateral," with Tom Cruise. The movie was great - right up until the end. That ending stretches the "suspension of disbelief" factor to a whole new level. I couldn't go there and it really made for a bad impression.
It was just hard to believe that a man, standing on a parking garage, in L.A., would be able to look up into a 14th story window and see a woman's face as she worked in a law library. Sorry, that just isn't going to happen. To further ruin the movie, Cruise was shooting up a subway in L.A. and there was nary a transit authority in sight. Somehow, that is impossible to believe. I have never been to L.A., but I have been to Philly & Atlanta. I have never, ever NOT seen a transit authority rent-a-cop some where about.
Then, to add salt to the disastrous ending, the hero & his love interest stumble out of the L.A. subway system on to an empty street. REALITY CHECK! This is L.A. There is no such thing as an empty city street at any time of day. I know this & I have never been there!
No wonder the movie disappeared so fast if thats how it ended. All this cool build up & then the movie crashed & burned.
Before watching a movie I can never recommend to anyone, I spent some time reading. The 1 I enjoyed the most was a collection of vampire books & found it to be rather fun. I read "The Dark Destiny III" by Edward Kramer. It is a collection of short stories & probably the most depressing is one involving Lot's daughter. The portrayals are nothing less than horrific, but in a truly sad kind of way. It is a book I'm not sure I could recommend unless I knew the person enjoyed that sort of violence, but . . .
Let's see, what else have I read. It is kind of sad, because all I can remember is that I finished about 4 Harlequin paperbacks, 2 smaller romances by Jayne Anne Krentz, "The Hallowed Hunt" by Lois M. Bujold, and a few dozen others I can't remember unless I see the covers again. They were all good, but I tend to read A LOT.
I am never sure if my need to read is a good or bad thing because on some levels, it means I read a wide variety of topics. The problem is that since I do read so much, and do not have a photographic memory or perfect recall, it is hard to keep straight what I read, when and what goes with what. I try to keep the facts correct, but the details of how I got the facts is a bit confusing.
Other than my light entertainment, not much else is happening. I have not read any exciting articles or been inspired by any of the ongoing world events to say much more than life is progressing & I really don't think humanity is doing a stellar job as acting stewards of the world. We keep trying to kill ourselves off.
And I did watch Dateline last night. If anyone can explain to me why a bunch of young mountain climbers who have the bad luck to be captured by rebels in the middle of a mountain range in Kyzakstan or however is is spelled, are considered truly news worthy, please help me understand. If there had been a chance of immediate, humiliating death, then I can see why there would be media coverage. But that a bunch of snot nosed kids managed to be captured & then escape, get a book deal, and get on with their lives, then so be it. But enough with the trash media. There are all sorts of vastly more entertaining things that could be covered.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
More Movies
I managed to see some more movies Friday night and I am rather impressed with myself. I have been reading so much I had forgotten the pleasure of watching movies.
Friday's choices were a mixed bag. The first choice was "The Village" by M. Nightb Shyamalan. I was horribly disappointed. After all the hype and all the hoopla, I thought it would be an incredible thriller. Instead, its a badly acted mind-fuck on multiple levels. The mind fuck is horrible in & of itself, but the way all these incredible actors turned into stiff caricatures was the true horror. I mean really! The cast includes such luminaries as Sigourne Weaver, Adrien Brody, William Hurt, Adrien Brody, and several other really good actors. So what happened that they turned into stick people? And the movie wasn't even scary! All the clue's were so obvious that it was impossible to believe the actors. Talk about disappointing.
My second choice was "Meet the Fockers." It was awful, but at least the acting, though over the top, was believable, and I was able to laugh at the movie. I'd rather end a thesis rather than be in any of the situations created in the movie, but at least they were funny and not painfully humiliating. And while I am not fond of humiliation in any form - I'm 1 of the few who found the old Laverne & Shirley show hard to watch - this movie was nothing but a bunch of laughs and sight gags.
I would never recommend either movie to anyone, but I can safely say that they are easy to watch and generally pieces of movie fluff.
Now, for other entertainment news bites. Here at work, I read the recent People & Entertainment magazines. In the June 24th, 2005 edition of Entertainment I have found my only piece of Michael Jackson memorabilia. And I can't even really call it Michael Jackson memorabilia. In the magazine was an article titled" News Notes: The Sideshow has left town." In it, the tag line says it all. "Stephen King thinks the media should be found guilty of covering Michael Jackson's circus of a trail instead of genuine news." In the middle of a (barely) 2 page article, there is a line that sums up a lot of the disgust I feel - "if you tell me that news doesn't belong in Entertainment Weekly, I respond by saying Michael Jackson under a black umbrella doesn't belong on the front page of The New York Times. Another line that says a lot is that, "the media . . . stoked the ratings with constant, trivializing coverage while far more important stories went underreported or completely ignored in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, North Korea, and Washington, D.C." I think I'll make another photocopy to share.
On a happier note, the next installment of the Superman movies is underway & it sounds interesting. Brandon Routh is playing Superman & Kate Bosworth is playing Louis Lane. Lex Luthor will be Kevin Spacey, & all this is from the June 24th/July1, 2005 edition of Entertainment Weekly. The short summary is that this is all about what happens when you come back after disappearing into space for 5 years after saving the world. Should be interesting and at least its a major step forward from those horrid rumors saying that Nicholas Cage was picked to play Superman. That would have been horrible!
Friday's choices were a mixed bag. The first choice was "The Village" by M. Nightb Shyamalan. I was horribly disappointed. After all the hype and all the hoopla, I thought it would be an incredible thriller. Instead, its a badly acted mind-fuck on multiple levels. The mind fuck is horrible in & of itself, but the way all these incredible actors turned into stiff caricatures was the true horror. I mean really! The cast includes such luminaries as Sigourne Weaver, Adrien Brody, William Hurt, Adrien Brody, and several other really good actors. So what happened that they turned into stick people? And the movie wasn't even scary! All the clue's were so obvious that it was impossible to believe the actors. Talk about disappointing.
My second choice was "Meet the Fockers." It was awful, but at least the acting, though over the top, was believable, and I was able to laugh at the movie. I'd rather end a thesis rather than be in any of the situations created in the movie, but at least they were funny and not painfully humiliating. And while I am not fond of humiliation in any form - I'm 1 of the few who found the old Laverne & Shirley show hard to watch - this movie was nothing but a bunch of laughs and sight gags.
I would never recommend either movie to anyone, but I can safely say that they are easy to watch and generally pieces of movie fluff.
Now, for other entertainment news bites. Here at work, I read the recent People & Entertainment magazines. In the June 24th, 2005 edition of Entertainment I have found my only piece of Michael Jackson memorabilia. And I can't even really call it Michael Jackson memorabilia. In the magazine was an article titled" News Notes: The Sideshow has left town." In it, the tag line says it all. "Stephen King thinks the media should be found guilty of covering Michael Jackson's circus of a trail instead of genuine news." In the middle of a (barely) 2 page article, there is a line that sums up a lot of the disgust I feel - "if you tell me that news doesn't belong in Entertainment Weekly, I respond by saying Michael Jackson under a black umbrella doesn't belong on the front page of The New York Times. Another line that says a lot is that, "the media . . . stoked the ratings with constant, trivializing coverage while far more important stories went underreported or completely ignored in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, North Korea, and Washington, D.C." I think I'll make another photocopy to share.
On a happier note, the next installment of the Superman movies is underway & it sounds interesting. Brandon Routh is playing Superman & Kate Bosworth is playing Louis Lane. Lex Luthor will be Kevin Spacey, & all this is from the June 24th/July1, 2005 edition of Entertainment Weekly. The short summary is that this is all about what happens when you come back after disappearing into space for 5 years after saving the world. Should be interesting and at least its a major step forward from those horrid rumors saying that Nicholas Cage was picked to play Superman. That would have been horrible!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Latest Entertainment
I have managed to - some how - find the time to watch some movies. 3 of them were walks down memory lane. I re-watched the Herbie movies and I had forgotten how much fun those are. I was at my mothers & watched them with my 5 yr. old nephew & that made it even better. Scenes that he laughed at were made even funnier for me because he got such a kick out of them. And was that ever a round about statement. But watching those 3 Herbie movies made it a guarantee that I will watch the latest Herbie flick coming out soon. I just like the silly movies. I'm just hoping that Disney does not desecrate Herbie like they did Hercules, among others.
I also watched "House of Flying Daggers." Plot wise, it was another Romeo & Juliet rehash. But the action sequences & the scenery were pure art & beyond breath taking. I want to go see the locations this film was made at just to compare the reality to the cinematic. This will be a movie I buy stills from, as well as the film itself. The only other film that does as well in my biased opinion is the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I then had the chance to see "Mr. & Mrs. Smith." That was worth every penny. The laugh factor alone was incredibly high. I will treasure the memory of the mini-van chase for a long time. And it certainly did not hurt that Brad Pitt was running around in his boxers & a t-shirt a lot of the time.
I was not sure of Brad Pitt as an attractive man until I saw him in "Troy." That movie made me a believer in his sex appeal. I have to add my vote to the millions of others who find him 1 of America's sexiest men. Though the rest of my personal list probably differs from others because I'd include Patrick Stewart from "Star Trek, the Next Generation;" Viggo Mortenson of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy; Hugh Jackman from the "X-Men" movies.
Over the past week, I have had the chance to catch up on a lot of reading. Most of my reading was of the pure trash variety. Lots of Jane Ann Krentz romances were devoured. Those are nothing but pure fun. I would hate to have someone analyze me based on my personal book collection though. I have everything from the complete collection of Shakespeare & Dante to the almost complete collection of Jayne Ann Krentz, mixed with Terry Pratchett & David Weber, with all of the Mary Poppins books. And that's just a small selection of what I have!
But beyond those romances, I also read the book "Faith of the American Soldier" by Stephen Mansfield. I have no idea if this will make sense, but while I enjoyed parts of the book, what got to me was the attitude that military chaplains as a group, but he in particular, needs more of just about everything. I am willing to agree that military chaplains deserve more, and that American soldiers deserve more moral/religious support. After all, as Froggy Ruminations posted recently (the June 13th posting to be exact), it is rather depressing that an American soldier can't have true religious services or counseling, yet a terrorist can. Check it out, he has the better list than I do.
I guess the reason the book struck a false note with me is because it was so biased. I expected more facts and studies, not impressions and opinions. Opinions are what I am posting on this web site, not what someone is writing for publication. Silly of me, but I do have these expectations after all.
That's my latest reading. I have lots of trash at home waiting my reading pleasure, but I doubt if anyone is really interested in reading up on my views of formula romance writing.
I also watched "House of Flying Daggers." Plot wise, it was another Romeo & Juliet rehash. But the action sequences & the scenery were pure art & beyond breath taking. I want to go see the locations this film was made at just to compare the reality to the cinematic. This will be a movie I buy stills from, as well as the film itself. The only other film that does as well in my biased opinion is the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I then had the chance to see "Mr. & Mrs. Smith." That was worth every penny. The laugh factor alone was incredibly high. I will treasure the memory of the mini-van chase for a long time. And it certainly did not hurt that Brad Pitt was running around in his boxers & a t-shirt a lot of the time.
I was not sure of Brad Pitt as an attractive man until I saw him in "Troy." That movie made me a believer in his sex appeal. I have to add my vote to the millions of others who find him 1 of America's sexiest men. Though the rest of my personal list probably differs from others because I'd include Patrick Stewart from "Star Trek, the Next Generation;" Viggo Mortenson of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy; Hugh Jackman from the "X-Men" movies.
Over the past week, I have had the chance to catch up on a lot of reading. Most of my reading was of the pure trash variety. Lots of Jane Ann Krentz romances were devoured. Those are nothing but pure fun. I would hate to have someone analyze me based on my personal book collection though. I have everything from the complete collection of Shakespeare & Dante to the almost complete collection of Jayne Ann Krentz, mixed with Terry Pratchett & David Weber, with all of the Mary Poppins books. And that's just a small selection of what I have!
But beyond those romances, I also read the book "Faith of the American Soldier" by Stephen Mansfield. I have no idea if this will make sense, but while I enjoyed parts of the book, what got to me was the attitude that military chaplains as a group, but he in particular, needs more of just about everything. I am willing to agree that military chaplains deserve more, and that American soldiers deserve more moral/religious support. After all, as Froggy Ruminations posted recently (the June 13th posting to be exact), it is rather depressing that an American soldier can't have true religious services or counseling, yet a terrorist can. Check it out, he has the better list than I do.
I guess the reason the book struck a false note with me is because it was so biased. I expected more facts and studies, not impressions and opinions. Opinions are what I am posting on this web site, not what someone is writing for publication. Silly of me, but I do have these expectations after all.
That's my latest reading. I have lots of trash at home waiting my reading pleasure, but I doubt if anyone is really interested in reading up on my views of formula romance writing.
Brain storming
I have returned from a small week long vacation and it was not long enough. It is a constant source of disappointment to me that I have to come back to work. Those lottery tickets really need to come through for me some day soon. I'd like to be able to actually sleep again.
A friend of mine & I have been talking about how life has NOT improved since we graduated with our Master's degrees. We worked our assess off. Gave up time with our families, went in to debt, risked our health, all so that "someday" we could have a job that would pay enough and be satisfying enough to make all that work and all those headaches worth it.
It has not happened and I do not understand why. I do not want a high power position or anything like that. I just want a position that I enjoy. One where I go home at night and know that I not only accomplished something, but made some sort of improvement. Instead, I spend my days wondering why people are so stupid and re-discovering that I am not a socialable soul. I do not want to spend my days with my stomach in knots, absolutely exhausted because of the people I am supposed to be helping.
All those personality/aptitude tests were off when I took them many moons ago. They all listed teaching and librarian as 1 of the top 5 career choices I'd be good at. That was a big fat lie. I find humanity exhausting. My health - mentally & physically - would never survive if I went in to teaching. As it is, I am a public librarian and it is a position that is seriously beating me up. Until I took this job, I had NEVER broken a bone in my life. So far, I have broken 4 bones, cracked 2, lost 4 of my toe nails, and have bruises all over my body. If I were dating someone, they'd be in real trouble because people would wonder if they were beating me. I'd hate trying to explain that, no, it is not my boyfriend/lover, but my job.
I can't deny that I am loving working in a library. Books are a major love in my life. I have lists of books I want, and that is just what I want to own. I have other lists of books I want to read but do not care to own, and rarely have less than 20 books sitting on my "To Read" shelf. What I am having problems enjoying is the people.
I know that I am sounding as if I detest having to talk to people but that is inaccurate. I like people on an individual basis. What I find wearing is having to care about them and having to care about helping them solve their problem, be it finding a book to read at the beach or research sources for some sort of report. People tend to be wonderful and generally fun to sit down and talk with on an individual basis. I am just not emotionally suited to dealing with this sort of position.
What the answer is, I do not know. I just know that I am ready to quit this job, even though the benefit package is incredible, it is an easy job to meet all the requirements of, the demands are light physically & mentally, the perks are great, yet despite all that, I do not want to come in to work. I spend more time not thinking than I do anything else.
That might be part of the problem. I am not thinking or trying to meet requirements or commitments. There are no demands on me beyond being interested and polite. And I need more.
Oh well. If anyone reads this, thank you for letting me brain storm. I am trying to make some choices & decisions, but I am not sure what way to go. Move in with Mom & the rest, return back to school for yet another degree, and go from there - OR - start looking for something that is more challenging and won't mean going back to school. I am leaning towards the 2nd choice because I REALLY do not want to go back to school. Another degree just does not hold any appeal, attraction, zilch for me. I want to work and make enough money to be able to pay my debts off and actually buy clothes & real food for once.
A friend of mine & I have been talking about how life has NOT improved since we graduated with our Master's degrees. We worked our assess off. Gave up time with our families, went in to debt, risked our health, all so that "someday" we could have a job that would pay enough and be satisfying enough to make all that work and all those headaches worth it.
It has not happened and I do not understand why. I do not want a high power position or anything like that. I just want a position that I enjoy. One where I go home at night and know that I not only accomplished something, but made some sort of improvement. Instead, I spend my days wondering why people are so stupid and re-discovering that I am not a socialable soul. I do not want to spend my days with my stomach in knots, absolutely exhausted because of the people I am supposed to be helping.
All those personality/aptitude tests were off when I took them many moons ago. They all listed teaching and librarian as 1 of the top 5 career choices I'd be good at. That was a big fat lie. I find humanity exhausting. My health - mentally & physically - would never survive if I went in to teaching. As it is, I am a public librarian and it is a position that is seriously beating me up. Until I took this job, I had NEVER broken a bone in my life. So far, I have broken 4 bones, cracked 2, lost 4 of my toe nails, and have bruises all over my body. If I were dating someone, they'd be in real trouble because people would wonder if they were beating me. I'd hate trying to explain that, no, it is not my boyfriend/lover, but my job.
I can't deny that I am loving working in a library. Books are a major love in my life. I have lists of books I want, and that is just what I want to own. I have other lists of books I want to read but do not care to own, and rarely have less than 20 books sitting on my "To Read" shelf. What I am having problems enjoying is the people.
I know that I am sounding as if I detest having to talk to people but that is inaccurate. I like people on an individual basis. What I find wearing is having to care about them and having to care about helping them solve their problem, be it finding a book to read at the beach or research sources for some sort of report. People tend to be wonderful and generally fun to sit down and talk with on an individual basis. I am just not emotionally suited to dealing with this sort of position.
What the answer is, I do not know. I just know that I am ready to quit this job, even though the benefit package is incredible, it is an easy job to meet all the requirements of, the demands are light physically & mentally, the perks are great, yet despite all that, I do not want to come in to work. I spend more time not thinking than I do anything else.
That might be part of the problem. I am not thinking or trying to meet requirements or commitments. There are no demands on me beyond being interested and polite. And I need more.
Oh well. If anyone reads this, thank you for letting me brain storm. I am trying to make some choices & decisions, but I am not sure what way to go. Move in with Mom & the rest, return back to school for yet another degree, and go from there - OR - start looking for something that is more challenging and won't mean going back to school. I am leaning towards the 2nd choice because I REALLY do not want to go back to school. Another degree just does not hold any appeal, attraction, zilch for me. I want to work and make enough money to be able to pay my debts off and actually buy clothes & real food for once.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Humanity Really is Stupid
I am suffering from stupidity overload right now. I am constantly being bombarded by humanities stupidity. Today's up close and personal examples include the ever delightful staples.
1. "Where is the bathroom?" Sometimes phrased as "Do you have a bathroom?"
OK, this is a tax payer funded library, what do you think? Of course there is a bathroom! See those big signs over there? The ones you just walked by but were too busy picking your nose to notice? Sheez!
2. "Do you have any computers I can use?" Well, let me see. There are 15 computers with bright glowing screens scattered about this small building. You are standing in front of the 8 1/2 by 11 sign & sign-up sheets. Hmmm, no, of course we don't have any computers for you to use! Just because your tax dollars paid for everything in this building does not mean you have any right to even be in the building. Moron!
There are other work related frustrations, but since I am technically on my lunch break and have to go back to work in a bit, I do not want to completely lose my temper. Tempting, but incredibly unproductive.
As for the outside world sources of stupidity, a glaring example is the brilliant pieces of land development called California. I'll be the 1st to agree it is a gorgeous state and has all sorts of wonderful views and things to do and all the rest of it. However, CA is on a major fault line. The ground has demonstrated, repeatedly (& let me stress this - REPEATEDLY) that it is unstable and prone to land slides, mudslides, quakes, sink holes, and quick sand. So why the hell would someone build a multimillion dollar home on a piece of land with all these minor flaws? Its like building a stone tower in the middle of Louisiana's bayou's with a metal roof. Last time i checked, that area was a swamp and prone to those pesky weather events like hurricanes once or twice a year. Nothing much to worry about there.
What has happened to humanity? Did we give up our brains when we moved indoors?
I am no where near innocent or even a back to nature soul. Insects and I have a love-hate relationship as it is. They love me & I hate them. It works. And living with me if I am denied my bed at night and a shower in the morning is an exercise is patience because I do not handle it at all well. In fact, I am sure there are bears waking from their winter hibernation that are in better moods than I am when required to go without my morning shower. Asking me to also sleep anywhere but a comfortable bed is an excellent way to commit assisted suicide because I'd kill anyone after that.
But I still try not to come across as an oblivious moron. I look for the bathrooms. I look for signs explaining or pointing in whatever direction to see if it is something I need to know. That's why they are there after all! I just do not understand why this is such a difficult concept for large segments of humanity.
1. "Where is the bathroom?" Sometimes phrased as "Do you have a bathroom?"
OK, this is a tax payer funded library, what do you think? Of course there is a bathroom! See those big signs over there? The ones you just walked by but were too busy picking your nose to notice? Sheez!
2. "Do you have any computers I can use?" Well, let me see. There are 15 computers with bright glowing screens scattered about this small building. You are standing in front of the 8 1/2 by 11 sign & sign-up sheets. Hmmm, no, of course we don't have any computers for you to use! Just because your tax dollars paid for everything in this building does not mean you have any right to even be in the building. Moron!
There are other work related frustrations, but since I am technically on my lunch break and have to go back to work in a bit, I do not want to completely lose my temper. Tempting, but incredibly unproductive.
As for the outside world sources of stupidity, a glaring example is the brilliant pieces of land development called California. I'll be the 1st to agree it is a gorgeous state and has all sorts of wonderful views and things to do and all the rest of it. However, CA is on a major fault line. The ground has demonstrated, repeatedly (& let me stress this - REPEATEDLY) that it is unstable and prone to land slides, mudslides, quakes, sink holes, and quick sand. So why the hell would someone build a multimillion dollar home on a piece of land with all these minor flaws? Its like building a stone tower in the middle of Louisiana's bayou's with a metal roof. Last time i checked, that area was a swamp and prone to those pesky weather events like hurricanes once or twice a year. Nothing much to worry about there.
What has happened to humanity? Did we give up our brains when we moved indoors?
I am no where near innocent or even a back to nature soul. Insects and I have a love-hate relationship as it is. They love me & I hate them. It works. And living with me if I am denied my bed at night and a shower in the morning is an exercise is patience because I do not handle it at all well. In fact, I am sure there are bears waking from their winter hibernation that are in better moods than I am when required to go without my morning shower. Asking me to also sleep anywhere but a comfortable bed is an excellent way to commit assisted suicide because I'd kill anyone after that.
But I still try not to come across as an oblivious moron. I look for the bathrooms. I look for signs explaining or pointing in whatever direction to see if it is something I need to know. That's why they are there after all! I just do not understand why this is such a difficult concept for large segments of humanity.
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