Please Tell Me This Won't Happen To Me!

Most of these have been around for awhile, but there's a couple of new onesin here:
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher! s aid, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."
__________________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," as she knocked on her wooden table for good measure. " She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
> > _______________________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
> > ___________________________________________
WHAT A CHOICE
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
> > ____________________________________________
OLD FRIENDS (love this one)
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_____________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman,
"It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
______________________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"

______________________________________________________
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US, PLEASE!!!!

Something to play with

How well do you know me??For instance, did you know...
Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Admin / Grad Assistant
2. Model
3. Branch Manager
4. Program Coordinator
Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. True Lies
2. Lord of the Rings (1, 2 & 3)
3. The Mummy
4. Sorcerer Hunters
Four places you have lived
1. Kittanning, PA
2. Albany, GA
3. Statesboro, GA
4. Beaufort, SC
Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. NCIS
2. The Unit
3. Bones
4.Numbers
Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Disney
2. Atlanta, GA
3. Spartanburg, SC
4. Nashville, TN
Four website I visit daily
1. msn
2. mcas.com
3. quintessential careers
4. blogspot
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Reese's PB Cups
2. salads
3. GOOD chinese
4. fondu
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. The beach, by myself
2. My own condo
3. Any lotto office accepting my million dollar prize money
4. A mountain lake retreat

1 Other Thing

I hope those of you with DSL, cable or broadband treasure your speed and continuous access. Here at my mother's, we have dial up & it is EXTREMELY tiresome. Since sitting for extended periods is painful for me, it has additional detractors in my book. Throw in the fact that it is remarkably easy to get kicked off the net, usually in the middle of applying for a job, and my levels of patience have dropped dramatically.

2 Things

First, a bit about backs. I have slipped a disk in mine and have discovered just how painful a slipped disk (a.k.a. a hernia) is. It is amazing how simple things like sneezing, standing upright, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, etc., suddenly become painful trails of strenght and paience. And when you have no job, no insurance, no money, and cn only go to free clinics, then it is especially tiresome and painful. However, I have been reassured that so long as I take it easy I should heal completely in the next few months or so and here are some neat drugs. At least it is some compensation, right?

Other than that, life is life. I have been listening to the immigration debates and really have issues with the people marching in protest and wearing the flags of their homelands, objecting to following the laws of the country they are now living and working in, but that is my humble opinion. There are others who have clearer statements I can probably pull up if anyone is actually interested.

Easter was a fun day with next to nothing accomplished beyond a wonderful meal and my nephew getting spoiled. It was a great day in my book.

I am tired of hurting and cramping and having to make sure all my wight is on my left side to prevent my right side from charlie horsing. And that is my whine. Now for some humor.

Hell hath no fury... Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!" NOW I ASK YOU ALL; IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?

I despise insects. I loathe insects. I have a strong desire to wipe them off the planet. The main reasons I won't be lobbying for such an action is because a) it would never happen & b) bugs do serve a purpose. It does not change the fact that I feel the need for another shower after cleaning out my mothers shed & the empty storage bins loaded with spider webs, cock roaches, termites, & ants. It does not change the new bites on my neck, arms & legs - 20 more! And I was wearing OFF! Sheez!

Anyway, beyond the leg cramps, itchy bug bites, & general unhappiness over how long it took for me to clean this stuff out. Life is pretty good.

"Left to Tell"

I just finished a book I heard about on SCTV called "Left to Tell" by Immaculee Ilibagiza. I picked it up mainly because it was being discussed by Wayne Dwyer. Since my mother enjoys him, I requested it from the library. It FINALLY came in & I read it this evening. It is a quick read but rather surprising in its depth of devotion to God and in her ability to recall conversations from a decade ago.

Don't get me wrong, I did read it & I have copied paragraphs into my personal growth & inspirational journal. But it is things like her amazing ability to recall conversations that niggle. I recommend this book because it is an easy book to read & has some powerful themes as the basis. But . . .

What can I say? I am the type who wonders how an insurance adjustor would react if a normal person reported some of the accidents we see in the blow 'em up & shoot 'em up movies out now. I also wonder just what would happen if that assassin sniper had a serious case of Montezuma's revenge, would he have still managed to pull off that amazing shot?

Oh & to Three Score & Ranger Tom, THANK YOU! I am alive & well (mostly) and am enjoying life. The modeling gig was a lot of fun. ;-)

Here Be Dragons

I spent a few minutes looking at the bean counter on this blog & came across something new. It seems that there is an "unknown country" that some poor soul lives in and visits my blog from. I want to know if it is on a map under "Here be dragons"? And where is it specifically? Are the weird, mythological creatures there? Or is it some weird cyber space location where everything is in1 's & 0's? And just how can "unknown country" be a valid option for the bean counter? Enquiring minds want to know!

It's Been 2 Months?

Well, I am kind of back. Since I was fired, life has been a bit stressful. This is going to another year where I wonder about karma & just what did I do in a past life.

Let's see, I have been fired, caught pneumonia germs from my nephew which knocked me flat for the next 3 weeks, moved in with my mother (& my sister & her 6 yr old son), have had the exquisite joy of sharing a bed with my sister & our 5 cats because my furniture is in storage, wrenched my back badly enough that it has only been in the past few days that I can stand/sit/lift/bend/breath without assistance from handy pieces of furniture, been cleaning like mad (which is NOT fun when you can't bend-over, lift, sit, or any other form of flexibility)., and generally wondering why I have not even received thank you, but no thank you letters/emails/calls from the places I applied to over the past few weeks.

Other than that, life has been fairly good. About the only items of possible interest are that I had a truly strange dream involving an ex-boyfriend who was calmly working away while telling me that he would be back soon to get me. Trust me, that was not something I wanted to dream about. I have been to a knitting class with my sister. Learned that I am not all that interested in crafts in general, and knitting most definitely. However, my sister is so I have new realms for future gifts I was pleased to note.

I did a friend of my mother's a favor so I was on TV in a 6 second blip. The woman makes those ornate hats people wear to tea parties, horse races, etc. She needed a model & I agreed. It was an absolute blast! We drove up to the location - Camden, SC - so that we would get some sleep & be able to find the place the actual filming was to take place during daylight hours. Had an absolutely fantastic dinner, then gossiped for the next few hours. Then, MUCH too early the next morning, we got up and were at the location at 5 freakin' a.m. NONE of us were bright eyed & bushy tailed, trust me. The only exception was the reporter. Then at 5:45 we were on for a total of 90 seconds. I was fortunately not really in the live feed because of the way the camera was angled for most of that 90 seconds. Unfortunately, the few moments I KNOW I was on live, I had shifted to be facing the reporter & my mom's friend as they discussed the hat I was wearing,I shifted again and turned to look around. Guess what was right under the brim of my hat? The camera lens! I am positive the brief moment of shock was caught on live TV. Thrilling.

I have received numerous compliments in the form of several people taking anywhere from 2-10 years off my actual age so I know that I am doing something right. That is thrilling.

I have been to the local annual Pet Spring Fling & had a blast at that. Then again, I love fuzzies & seeing all the cute puppies was well worth the $5 donation & risks of walking around in sandals (like an idiot).

Took my sister & nephew to see a local 1 hour production of "Willy Wonka." THAT was an absolutely brilliant idea. Some genius decided that little kids & their families deserve a night at the theater and a few years ago started producing 4 plays each year geared towards kids & their families. They last an hour & afterwards there is cookies & milk - or something similar. Kids & their parent's can arrive in their jammer's if they want. This was my 1st time going & we all loved it. For a kid, the play was the right length, there was lots of music and neat objects in bold, bright colors, they were having a night with their parent's (or grandparents or aunt's or uncle's or whomever), and it was really just a good production all the way around. I adored what they did with the Oompa Loompa's and the grandparents. The Oompa Loompa's were old rolling chairs turned into puppets with those solid line Christmas lights, and the grandparents were doll's. For anyone involved in theater &/or puppetry, copy the idea if you can. We had a blast!

Well, that is all there is in my world. I will start posting again because I have too much time to kill at night while my sister studies & everyone else sleeps. Since I am the type who eats when bored, this is a better option for my waist line if nothing else.
Other than that, not much has happened.