Chapter 1
http://www.frappr.com/stephalupogus
I stole this map-thingy from a variety of other posts. For those willing, let me know where you are from.
Chapter 2
Here is something those of you who are ex-military might enjoy. A friend of mine emailed this & since she is ex-military figured I could safely post this.
Then and Now: Military Service Compared, World War II and Today.
1945: Rifles were made of wood and steel, shot a 30 caliber bullet that killed the enemy.
Now: Rifles are made of plastic and aluminum, shoot a .22 caliber bullet that wounds the enemy. 1945: The winning side used a US made .45 Caliber pistol, the losers a European 9mm.
Now: We use a European 9mm pistol. Nobody uses the 45.
1945: If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk.
Now: If you smoke, you are sent outside and are treated like a leper.
1945: If you said "damn" people knew you were annoyed and avoided you.
Now: If you say "damn" you better be talking about a hydroelectric plant.
1945: NCOs had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
Now: Everyone has an Internet computer and they wonder why no work is getting done.
1945: We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home.Now: We put the real thing in the cockpit.
1945: Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive.
Now: Your girlfriend is in the same foxhole, praying your condom worked.
1945: If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off. Now: If you get drunk any time they slap you in rehab and ruin your whole career.
1945: You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
Now: You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything and retreat because you are out of ammo.
1945: Canteens were made out of steel. You could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
Now: Canteens are made of plastic. You can't heat anything in them and they always taste like plastic.
1945: Officers were professional soldiers first. They commanded respect.
Now: Officers are politicians first. They beg not to be given a wedgie.
1945: They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
Now: They collect our pee and analyze it.
1945: If you don't act right, the commander might put you in the stockade till you straighten up. Now: If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.
1945: Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
Now: Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time.
1945: You slept in a barracks, like a soldier.
Now: You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid.
1945: You ate in a Mess Hall. It was free and you could have all the food you wanted.
Now: You eat in a dining facility. Every slice of bread or pat of butter costs and you can only have one.
1945: We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
Now: We can't even defeat third rate countries like Vietnam, Yugoslavia, or Iraq.
1945: If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec. Center, played pool, smoked and drank beer.
Now: You go to the Community Center and can still play pool.
1945: If you wanted a beer and conversation you could go to the NCO or Officers Club.
Now: The beer will cost you $1.75, membership is forced and someone is watching how much you drink.
1945: You could buy quartermaster gas tax free because it was on a military reservation.
Now: AAFES charges you the tax but pockets the money themselves because it is on a military reservation.
1945: The PX had bargains for GIs who didn't make much money.
Now: You can get better merchandise less expensively at Wal-Mart.
1945: If a general wanted to make a presentation he scribbled some notes down and a corporal prepared a bunch of charts.
Now: The general prepares his own charts, spending hours using Power Point.
1945: We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
Now: We are wearing the Nazi helmets.
1945: We called the enemy things like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
Now: We call the enemy things like "opposing forces" and "aggressors" so we won't offend them. 1945: Victory was declared when the enemy was dead and all his things were broken.
Now: Victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.
1945: If you killed an enemy soldier, you could bring home his rifle as a trophy.
Now: If you bring home anything at all as a trophy you get a court martial.
1945: A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
Now: A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.
1945: After the war, you could buy your own rifle from the government, cheap.
Now: You can't be trusted with your own rifle and you'll be jailed if you ever get one.
1945: Wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
Now: Wars are planned and run by politicians with lots of important panty raids.
1945: We knew we were fighting for freedom. The country was committed to winning.
Now: We don't know what we are fighting for.
1945: All you could think of was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
Now: All you can think of is getting out and becoming a civilian again.
Chapter 3
I have spent an incredible amount of money on a 12 year old car that needs to be sent to that giant trash heap but I like this car! I like everything about it except that it needs another $1000 in repairs and a new stereo since the original was stolen a week or so ago. Driving in silence just sucks. But as a complete control freak, this car suits me. It is small, responsive, and a 5 speed which gives me even more control. I discovered again while driving a borrowed automatic yesterday that I VASTLY prefer a stick shift because I felt horribly uncomfortable. Despite the fact that I was driving a mustang convertible, I kept reaching for the stick shift and getting fussy because I like having that control. I like changing gears. I like having choices and input over what my car is doing.
That probably makes little to no sense, but life meanders onward.
I have had a good week, and it was made definitely tolerable by the fact that I had something to do here at work besides read and blog. We are shifting sections around because the various collections are getting too crowded and more shelf space is necessary. I have been shifting the books with a grand disregard for safety, fingers, nails, toes, and passing strangers. I hate to think of the bruises, but shifting large numbers of heavy books is an excellent way to burn off frustration so that thinking clearly while driving home is possible. That and it is impossible to be cold while slinging books around like hamburgers on a grill.
The downside of this week is that I spent a huge sum on getting my car fixed and had to be a leech again. Someday, I would love to be totally independent and NOT need help. I know that is impossible, but I would like the illusion if nothing else.
Am I the only person confused by this weather? One day we are melting and griping about how incredibly how it is and then a day later we are wearing sweaters and kids are dressed like Eskimos. Did I miss the fall season again? Part of the reason I want to move further north is because I miss having 4 distinct seasons. Going through 9 months of sweltering and then having 3 months of damp chill is a bit wearing. I like watching the leaves change color. I like having time mentally to prepare for winter. I like having a chance to wear shorts and sweaters before having to drag out heavier clothing.
I enjoy going through spring as well. I like having a gradual warming. I do not appreciate going from the 40’s to the 90’s overnight. I tend to get rather ill when that happens and it generally pisses me off.
But I would never move back to PA. I grew up there, have many fond memories, adore the food, but my father’s family is there. Large chunks of my mother’s family are still there. I love them all, but at a distance thank you. Knowing that every time I make a midnight run to Wal-Mart I would see a relative does nothing for me. That and gets freaking cold!
I do miss the food though. Ranger Tom and I had a side discussion going for a bit about the difference between hoagies and subs. For those who do not understand, you have my deepest sympathy because nothing is as good as a good, thick hoagie on a Saturday afternoon. Another thing I miss from home is being able to get goat’s milk and really good chocolate. Where I grew up, there is a Gardner’s Candy Store. On Sunday’s after pay day for Mom, and church, we would stop and Mom would let my sister & I pick out anywhere from $.25 to $5.00 worth of penny candy and would we stock up! Everything from those candy lipsticks to Swedish fish would end up in the bag. Chocolate coins and gum balls were also favorites.
I also miss food that has not been boiled into mush. Exmi & his family are among the few who share my belief that food is NOT supposed to be mush and that it is supposed to have color. I have always appreciated that about them. That & there are willing to let me come along when they eat out. Or maybe I should say that they are willing to use a crow bar to pry me out of my chair and make me interact with others on a social basis.
This past week, I have learned the fine art of using a rifle. I have been incredibly lucky in my life in that I have never had to get any closer to a gun than my step-grandfather’s gun cabinet. However, thanks to this idiot who gets his jollies peeping in my bedroom window and stealing my car stereo, it is past time I learned. Since I am living in exmi’s trailer, and he had a shot gun, he took it upon himself to educate me. Feel pity for the man because I am really good at avoiding things I don’t want to do. However, since it has made me feel a lot safer having said gun & knowing how to use it, I am almost to the point of accepting that I now need to learn how to actually aim the blasted thing and not just fire into the air. (Go ahead and gloat exmi. You deserve the opportunity.)
What amazes me is that I grew up surrounded by guns. I have never lived with anyone who did not have a gun, and for that matter I have never been involved with anyone who did not own and use guns. I have just never liked guns and really can’t say I am all that thrilled about this new talent. Knowing how to dress out any piece of meat or prepare a meal over a fire has been more interesting over the years. Since I detest having to cook, this should tell you where I place guns in the grand scheme of life. Since the cops who have come out to take the reports were unanimous in that I needed a gun and/or more aggressive dogs, I broke down and let exmi teach me the basics. I am trying to get rid of the 1 dog after all!
Going off on that tangent, I am really at a loss as to what I should do about Zoe. I adore the mutt, but I am moving in with my mother, sister & nephew so that I can afford those little things like a new car. That and hopefully by moving in with them, I will get more sleep and possibly develop more of a life because so much of my free time is currently spent going to their place, gathering stuff to take there, or hauling stuff away from there. I am basically giving up.
I am also developing a theory that possibly (I hope, am praying, ready to grovel before Hera for this sort of outcome), by living with my mother & sister with all the animals my sister & I have, my mother & sister will start leaving me alone. As it is, the number of emails & calls I get per day is rather frightening. I have a never ending list of items they want me to do or get and I am hoping that having me underfoot will make me less appealing as a choice for slave labor. Either that, or after 6 months I will be calling exmi up, wailing, and ask for help moving far, far away from my family because we are about to kill one another.
The other option is that I won’t move in with my mother, sister & nephew, will continue scrambling financially, and generally go insane worrying about money. Who knows? I certainly do not. Maybe joining a convent is the best option. I am so confused! I know that I can stay at the trailer and that if exmi is serious about the 2 of us sharing the costs; I would be in a better position financially and could keep the dog and my privacy, which does matter. But I hate taking over his home! I promised that I would be out by the end of November after all. I hate being so indecisive and antsy and confused!
I am also still thinking about the job interview in NC and leaning towards canceling. The reasons include that I really can’t take the time off thanks to how understaffed we are and I am a manager. I do have a certain level of responsibility to my employers after all. Also, the location is just off Roanoke, NC and the cost of living is outrageous. The highest I would start off at is $50k/year and that would basically be my rent, once taxes and such were deducted. So is it really worth driving a total of 18 hours for a job that I probably could not afford to take? Opinions are welcome because I need some input.
Beyond the normal levels of angst, I have heard from an old friend whom I deeply admire while questioning her sanity. she is retired now but she has just taken on 3 foster children & has plans to aopt the oldest. Since she already has 3 biological and 1 adopted child, I am impressed. However, slowing down sounds good now that she is retired, not taking on more responsibility!
She is someone I will miss if I do move in with my mother. I hate this dithering! I know that I am remarkably good at it, but I want a plan and I do not have one now. I have not had one since I got my master's degree and it is killing me.
Anyway, it is a bit after 5 & time to wrap it up for the day. Hope everyone has a great holiday and enjoys the parties. Take pictures!
Friday, October 28, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Ho Hum
Here is something ridiculous to do for fun. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know.
1. What time is it? 2:18 pm
2 . What is your name? for this, stephalupogus ;-)
3. Any nicknames? Steph, Stephie, Peanut, & Sis
4. Mother's name? Louise
5. What is your favorite drink? Tea
6. Tattoos? Body piercing ? ear & belly piercing
7. How much do you love your job? pleading the 5th
8. Birthplace? PA
9. Favorite vacation spot? my own living room
10. Ever been to Africa? No
11. Ever steal any traffic signs? nope
12. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
13. Croutons or bacon bits? bacon bits
14. 2 Door or 4 Door? 2 door
15. Salad dressing? poppy seed or ginger
16. Favorite pie? any
17. Favorite number? ????
18. Favorite movie? True Lies
19. Favorite color? anything jewel toned
20. Favorite holiday? none
21. Favorite food? Italian
22. Favorite day of the week? any day off
23. Favorite brand of body soap? Dial
24. Favorite TV show? Winx Club ;-)
25. Toothpaste? Arm & Hammer
26. Most recently read book? Grave Sight by Charlain Harris
27. Favorite smell? cat
28. What do you do to relax? read and/or walk
30. When was your last hospital visit? 3 months ago
31. Message to your friends reading this? Love you all!
32. How do you see yourself in 10 years? In debt, working, hopefully living in a town house and still the same size
33. What do you do when you are bored? sleep or play
34. What presents do you enjoy receiving? any!!
35. Furthest place you will send this message? NC or FL???
36. Who will respond the fastest? ???
37. Least likely to respond? ???
38. What time is it now? 2:22 pm
I am sad to say that I have actually had to work this week. It has been absolutely awful. I have been manning the front desk, shifting books, cleaning, working on inventory, and generally being productive. I am not sure I can handle the stress! My boss certainly has been stressed out over it. I keep having to ask for his override and generally annoy him. He has decided that he prefers me to be lazy because then he can ignore me. That & since my arrival here at work as been iffy thanks to a car that needed a new battery, battery bolt, connector cables & alternator, he is about ready to start his retirement proceedings a wee bit early.
The real problem on my side is that I honestly have no idea how to cover the expense of getting my car fixed. Joy.
Beyond that, I have managed absolutely nothing.
That is not true! I now have a job interview in Manteo, NC on the 4th. It is a mere 9 hours away from my motherÂ’s and I am already exhausted thanks to not getting any real sleep over the past few. But the job, if I get it, looks absolutely fantastic. IÂ’d be working on various festival projects. While I canÂ’t say that I WANT this job, I am definitely interested. Biggest issue will be the fact that they will expect me to work and after the past 2+ years of not doing much of anything; it will be a serious shock to my system.
On the flip side of the job interview, I have a good job here. My life is here. I know where everything is at and how to avoid getting lost. My benefit package is great and I am spoiled rotten. If I go to this interview, there is the huge obstacle that I canÂ’t take more than a day to drive 9 hrs up to the interview and then 9 hrs back home and go to work the very next day. It is also a job that from the phone interview I am not at all sure I would like the people I would be working with & I am not sure that living off the coast is something I really want to do long term.
Let me restate this obstacle - I would be in the car for 18 hours plus sit through a 2 hour interview. I would be working for about $35k/year & while that is a himprovementnton 1 level, it works out to about what I am making now given the differences in cost of living expenses. I would have to drive 18 hours in 1 day for the interview.
Living on the marshes off SC with my mother, sister & nephew will be bad enough but I will only have to pay ½ the utilities and occasional grocery bills. The rest of my pay check will be mine to do with as I please and that has a high level of appeal. I also know that the time living with my mother would be temporary and I will eventually be leaving for the town house I so desperately want. Also, my sister is a great cook & so all I would have to do is help keep the place clean. I am anal retentive and definiobsessivessive compulsive, so that works out to numeargumentsmalleviatediated only by the fact that I work 40+ hours per week and drive another 10 so family togetherness would be limited.
I am so confused! And have I mentioned that I would be driving 18 hours in 1 day if I go on this interview?
Beyond that, I have learned the fine art of shooting a shot gun. How disposing of deer carcasses does not mean leaving the remains along the side of the road – DUH! That I am going to end up writing for Pent House more than likely so that I can save up some cash to actually buy clothes & that is a damn depressing thought in & of it self. That I need to get rid of a lot of knick knacks & oddments because I really do not want to move it all & end up moving it all again a few months to 3 years later and learn of all the duplication. UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
LetÂ’s see, not much else has happened. I am feeling a strange desire to pound the shit out a of a few people and really hate having to take my car in to the mechanics twice in 1 week, but beyond that, not much else is new.
Here is some humor people have recently emailed me –
New Pledge of Allegiance!Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore because the word "God" is mentioned....a kid in Arizona wrote this & I liked it....
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say " Christmas" instead of"Winter Festival."
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email. God Bless the USA!
Teen Poverty in America
We just spent several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall. We came to the conclusion many teenagers in America today are living in poverty. Most young men We observed didn't even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group.
But that wasn't the sad part. Many were wearing their daddy's jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren't even their daddies' good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them.It grieved us, in a modern, affluent society like America, there are those who can't afford a decent pair of jeans. I was thinking about asking my church to start a jeans drive for "poor kids at the mall." Then on Christmas Eve, we could go Christmas caroling and distribute jeans to these poor teenagers.But here is the saddest part...it was the girls they were hanging out with that disturbed us most. Never, in all of our lives, have we seen such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the guys. They all had to wear their little sister's clothes. Their jeans were about 5 sizes too small! I don't know how they could get them on, let alone button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones. Most also had on their little sister's top; it hardly covered their midsections. Oh, they were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see these almost grown women wearing children's clothes.However, it was their underwear that bothered us most. They, like the boys, because of the improper fitting of their clothes, they had their underwear exposed. We had never seen anything like it. It looked like their underwear was only held together by a single piece of string.We know it saddens your heart to receive this report on the condition of our American teenagers. While we go to bed every night with closets full of clothes nearby, there are millions of "mall girls" who barely have enough material to keep it together. We think their "poorness" is why these 2 groups gather at the mall; boys with their short daddies' ripped jeans, and girls wearing their younger sisters' clothes. The mall is one place where they can find acceptance. So, next time you are at the mall doing your shopping, and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say a prayer for them?
And one more thing...Will you pray the guys' pants won't fall down,and the girls' strings won't break?We thank you all,Two Concerned Grandmothers
One dark night outside a small town in Wisconsin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire & fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, to try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM PENNSYLVANIA........ lol
ALSO, ONLY IN PA ARE ALL SCHOOLS CLOSED THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING FOR THE HOLIDAY OF THE "FIRST DAY OF HUNTING SEASON"
Jeff Foxworthy on Pennsylvania:
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Bradford is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Pennsylvania.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Pennsylvanian WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Pittsburgh.
16. A critter is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. YOUR 4TH OF JULY PICNIC WAS MOVED INDOORS DUE TO FROST.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Pennsylvania friends.
MenÂ’s RulesWe always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said, can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1.You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
1. What time is it? 2:18 pm
2 . What is your name? for this, stephalupogus ;-)
3. Any nicknames? Steph, Stephie, Peanut, & Sis
4. Mother's name? Louise
5. What is your favorite drink? Tea
6. Tattoos? Body piercing ? ear & belly piercing
7. How much do you love your job? pleading the 5th
8. Birthplace? PA
9. Favorite vacation spot? my own living room
10. Ever been to Africa? No
11. Ever steal any traffic signs? nope
12. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
13. Croutons or bacon bits? bacon bits
14. 2 Door or 4 Door? 2 door
15. Salad dressing? poppy seed or ginger
16. Favorite pie? any
17. Favorite number? ????
18. Favorite movie? True Lies
19. Favorite color? anything jewel toned
20. Favorite holiday? none
21. Favorite food? Italian
22. Favorite day of the week? any day off
23. Favorite brand of body soap? Dial
24. Favorite TV show? Winx Club ;-)
25. Toothpaste? Arm & Hammer
26. Most recently read book? Grave Sight by Charlain Harris
27. Favorite smell? cat
28. What do you do to relax? read and/or walk
30. When was your last hospital visit? 3 months ago
31. Message to your friends reading this? Love you all!
32. How do you see yourself in 10 years? In debt, working, hopefully living in a town house and still the same size
33. What do you do when you are bored? sleep or play
34. What presents do you enjoy receiving? any!!
35. Furthest place you will send this message? NC or FL???
36. Who will respond the fastest? ???
37. Least likely to respond? ???
38. What time is it now? 2:22 pm
I am sad to say that I have actually had to work this week. It has been absolutely awful. I have been manning the front desk, shifting books, cleaning, working on inventory, and generally being productive. I am not sure I can handle the stress! My boss certainly has been stressed out over it. I keep having to ask for his override and generally annoy him. He has decided that he prefers me to be lazy because then he can ignore me. That & since my arrival here at work as been iffy thanks to a car that needed a new battery, battery bolt, connector cables & alternator, he is about ready to start his retirement proceedings a wee bit early.
The real problem on my side is that I honestly have no idea how to cover the expense of getting my car fixed. Joy.
Beyond that, I have managed absolutely nothing.
That is not true! I now have a job interview in Manteo, NC on the 4th. It is a mere 9 hours away from my motherÂ’s and I am already exhausted thanks to not getting any real sleep over the past few. But the job, if I get it, looks absolutely fantastic. IÂ’d be working on various festival projects. While I canÂ’t say that I WANT this job, I am definitely interested. Biggest issue will be the fact that they will expect me to work and after the past 2+ years of not doing much of anything; it will be a serious shock to my system.
On the flip side of the job interview, I have a good job here. My life is here. I know where everything is at and how to avoid getting lost. My benefit package is great and I am spoiled rotten. If I go to this interview, there is the huge obstacle that I canÂ’t take more than a day to drive 9 hrs up to the interview and then 9 hrs back home and go to work the very next day. It is also a job that from the phone interview I am not at all sure I would like the people I would be working with & I am not sure that living off the coast is something I really want to do long term.
Let me restate this obstacle - I would be in the car for 18 hours plus sit through a 2 hour interview. I would be working for about $35k/year & while that is a himprovementnton 1 level, it works out to about what I am making now given the differences in cost of living expenses. I would have to drive 18 hours in 1 day for the interview.
Living on the marshes off SC with my mother, sister & nephew will be bad enough but I will only have to pay ½ the utilities and occasional grocery bills. The rest of my pay check will be mine to do with as I please and that has a high level of appeal. I also know that the time living with my mother would be temporary and I will eventually be leaving for the town house I so desperately want. Also, my sister is a great cook & so all I would have to do is help keep the place clean. I am anal retentive and definiobsessivessive compulsive, so that works out to numeargumentsmalleviatediated only by the fact that I work 40+ hours per week and drive another 10 so family togetherness would be limited.
I am so confused! And have I mentioned that I would be driving 18 hours in 1 day if I go on this interview?
Beyond that, I have learned the fine art of shooting a shot gun. How disposing of deer carcasses does not mean leaving the remains along the side of the road – DUH! That I am going to end up writing for Pent House more than likely so that I can save up some cash to actually buy clothes & that is a damn depressing thought in & of it self. That I need to get rid of a lot of knick knacks & oddments because I really do not want to move it all & end up moving it all again a few months to 3 years later and learn of all the duplication. UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
LetÂ’s see, not much else has happened. I am feeling a strange desire to pound the shit out a of a few people and really hate having to take my car in to the mechanics twice in 1 week, but beyond that, not much else is new.
Here is some humor people have recently emailed me –
New Pledge of Allegiance!Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore because the word "God" is mentioned....a kid in Arizona wrote this & I liked it....
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say " Christmas" instead of"Winter Festival."
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email. God Bless the USA!
Teen Poverty in America
We just spent several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall. We came to the conclusion many teenagers in America today are living in poverty. Most young men We observed didn't even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group.
But that wasn't the sad part. Many were wearing their daddy's jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren't even their daddies' good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them.It grieved us, in a modern, affluent society like America, there are those who can't afford a decent pair of jeans. I was thinking about asking my church to start a jeans drive for "poor kids at the mall." Then on Christmas Eve, we could go Christmas caroling and distribute jeans to these poor teenagers.But here is the saddest part...it was the girls they were hanging out with that disturbed us most. Never, in all of our lives, have we seen such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the guys. They all had to wear their little sister's clothes. Their jeans were about 5 sizes too small! I don't know how they could get them on, let alone button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones. Most also had on their little sister's top; it hardly covered their midsections. Oh, they were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see these almost grown women wearing children's clothes.However, it was their underwear that bothered us most. They, like the boys, because of the improper fitting of their clothes, they had their underwear exposed. We had never seen anything like it. It looked like their underwear was only held together by a single piece of string.We know it saddens your heart to receive this report on the condition of our American teenagers. While we go to bed every night with closets full of clothes nearby, there are millions of "mall girls" who barely have enough material to keep it together. We think their "poorness" is why these 2 groups gather at the mall; boys with their short daddies' ripped jeans, and girls wearing their younger sisters' clothes. The mall is one place where they can find acceptance. So, next time you are at the mall doing your shopping, and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say a prayer for them?
And one more thing...Will you pray the guys' pants won't fall down,and the girls' strings won't break?We thank you all,Two Concerned Grandmothers
One dark night outside a small town in Wisconsin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire & fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, to try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM PENNSYLVANIA........ lol
ALSO, ONLY IN PA ARE ALL SCHOOLS CLOSED THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING FOR THE HOLIDAY OF THE "FIRST DAY OF HUNTING SEASON"
Jeff Foxworthy on Pennsylvania:
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Bradford is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Pennsylvania.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Pennsylvanian WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Pittsburgh.
16. A critter is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. YOUR 4TH OF JULY PICNIC WAS MOVED INDOORS DUE TO FROST.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Pennsylvania friends.
MenÂ’s RulesWe always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said, can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1.You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Complete Randomness
First, check this out. It is absolutely hilarious. It has definitely helped me cope with today just looking at this posting in particular, but the blog in general is always good for a laugh.
It is Monday - again. Why Mondays are necessary is beyond me right now. I am definitely moving in with my mother and am currently frayed at the edges emotionally. I will explain that tomorrow once the mechanics give me an update and the sticker shock is still fresh.
In the mean time, I am posting mostly to wish that I could find more books like Clare Dunkle's "The Hollow Kingdom." I enjoyed the book because there was no weeping, whining, or general wishy washy people in this tale that still had heroes. Just they were as ordinary as a goblin king and his 1/2 elf bride could be.
It is Monday - again. Why Mondays are necessary is beyond me right now. I am definitely moving in with my mother and am currently frayed at the edges emotionally. I will explain that tomorrow once the mechanics give me an update and the sticker shock is still fresh.
In the mean time, I am posting mostly to wish that I could find more books like Clare Dunkle's "The Hollow Kingdom." I enjoyed the book because there was no weeping, whining, or general wishy washy people in this tale that still had heroes. Just they were as ordinary as a goblin king and his 1/2 elf bride could be.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
I Have A Headache
I don't know about anyone else, but I am remarkably thrilled that it is Saturday. This past week has been exciting and an adventure. I was so thrilled. Really. I mean that. Ignore the sound of my jaw grinding.
Let's see. No particular order here. I had a member of my staff - she is a permanent pain in the ass - decide that she did not need to work so she never came in to work. This would have been perfectly all right, except she forgot to tell anyone. Since multiple people are out sick, life was made interesting. I am praying that she will screw up badly enough that my New Year's present will be firing her. On the plus side, I will not have to smell her mothball perfume for another week because she already put in for that time off. Guess the bright side is that I am free of her. I really did enjoy that aspect because she is so incredibly annoying.
Next came Staff Development Day! That was actually fun for once. Some of the previous years attempts left a lot to be desired. What put this years efforts squarely on the positive side is at the end there was kareoke. 2 of the people did a Sunny & Cher impression, and it was hilarious. Neither could sing AT ALL, but it did not matter because they obviously did their home work and had studied Sunny & Cher videos because they were spot on in their rendition of "I've Got You Babe."
After spending far too many hours at Staff Development, I made my escape and (SURPRISE!) I ended up at Barnes & Nobles. After searching for 1 of the more incredibly obnoxious children's videos for my nephew, I settled in for a bit of reading. I managed to skim through a YA book called "The Ranger's Apprentice." It was not that wonderful, so I went to John Ringo's "Ghost." THAT is 1 for my personal collection. The book is about a retired SF who is a complete bastard and that's his good side. The book is divided into 3 segments and the 1st is the absolute best. The 2nd segment needed help while the 3rd set up book 2, "Kildare." Reading it, I felt like Ringo had been sitting with a bunch of SF guys, B.S.-ing over their liquid dinner, taking notes. He then took all those accounts and turned them into 1 big story with a strong thread of his personal sexual fantasies.
There are all sorts of issues anyone can take with the book. The amount of information he gave about s&m, b&s, ect., was a lot scary, especially when mothers got involved. Personally, I never ever want it confirmed that my parents even know what sex is. Reading that the parents of 2 of the characters are into the "scene" and are willing to help educate their own daughters is a bit too much information. The way the main character managed to get away with some of the crap he did is another issue. Throw in all the technical details that I have no way of even guessing if they were accurate, and there is a host of issues. However, I loved it. I loved the smart ass comments, the Hilary bashing, the general obnoxious behavior. I will end up buying the book.
Next I read a Lora Leigh story in an anthology. I decided that much as I enjoyed her sex descriptions, she is incredibly repetitive. For something beyond Anne Rice's Beauty series, I would recommend her stuff, but be prepared for lots of repetition.
I then decided that I should go home. Just because it was 9 pm by the time I finished reading & still had an hour drive, was no reason to rush though. I should have taken longer because at about 11:30 p.m., give or take, the dogs went ballistic. I looked out and my car doors were open and the dogs were running after something, though someone turned out to be more accurate once the cops showed up. They took finger prints because there was a massive hand print on my window, but doubt if it will do any good. Once they finally left, I brought the dogs in because I wanted to feel safer. I am glad that I did because around 6-6:30 a.m., someone tried soming in the bedroom window. Fortunately, Zoe decided that she did not approve and her barking brought the other 2 running and the idiot was chased off.
For the record, I hate this sort of crap.
But, once the cops had done their part - zilch - I went shopping and feel remarkably better. Retail therapy does wonders.
It is now Saturday and I have managed to read several mangas and a kids book called "Santa Paws." If your kids are in the right age group (about 2nd grade through 4th) or you just like cutesy animal books, pick it up. I certainly enjoyed them. The book is the 1st in a series about a German shepherd mix who gets a family and has a unique ability to help people out of their problems. It was a quick & easy read, and it was fun, what can I say?
Beyond that, I am killing time today. I am just not here and really do not care much today. I have a few dozen things I would rather be doing at home, but that pay check is necessary. Sigh. Oh well.
Let's see. No particular order here. I had a member of my staff - she is a permanent pain in the ass - decide that she did not need to work so she never came in to work. This would have been perfectly all right, except she forgot to tell anyone. Since multiple people are out sick, life was made interesting. I am praying that she will screw up badly enough that my New Year's present will be firing her. On the plus side, I will not have to smell her mothball perfume for another week because she already put in for that time off. Guess the bright side is that I am free of her. I really did enjoy that aspect because she is so incredibly annoying.
Next came Staff Development Day! That was actually fun for once. Some of the previous years attempts left a lot to be desired. What put this years efforts squarely on the positive side is at the end there was kareoke. 2 of the people did a Sunny & Cher impression, and it was hilarious. Neither could sing AT ALL, but it did not matter because they obviously did their home work and had studied Sunny & Cher videos because they were spot on in their rendition of "I've Got You Babe."
After spending far too many hours at Staff Development, I made my escape and (SURPRISE!) I ended up at Barnes & Nobles. After searching for 1 of the more incredibly obnoxious children's videos for my nephew, I settled in for a bit of reading. I managed to skim through a YA book called "The Ranger's Apprentice." It was not that wonderful, so I went to John Ringo's "Ghost." THAT is 1 for my personal collection. The book is about a retired SF who is a complete bastard and that's his good side. The book is divided into 3 segments and the 1st is the absolute best. The 2nd segment needed help while the 3rd set up book 2, "Kildare." Reading it, I felt like Ringo had been sitting with a bunch of SF guys, B.S.-ing over their liquid dinner, taking notes. He then took all those accounts and turned them into 1 big story with a strong thread of his personal sexual fantasies.
There are all sorts of issues anyone can take with the book. The amount of information he gave about s&m, b&s, ect., was a lot scary, especially when mothers got involved. Personally, I never ever want it confirmed that my parents even know what sex is. Reading that the parents of 2 of the characters are into the "scene" and are willing to help educate their own daughters is a bit too much information. The way the main character managed to get away with some of the crap he did is another issue. Throw in all the technical details that I have no way of even guessing if they were accurate, and there is a host of issues. However, I loved it. I loved the smart ass comments, the Hilary bashing, the general obnoxious behavior. I will end up buying the book.
Next I read a Lora Leigh story in an anthology. I decided that much as I enjoyed her sex descriptions, she is incredibly repetitive. For something beyond Anne Rice's Beauty series, I would recommend her stuff, but be prepared for lots of repetition.
I then decided that I should go home. Just because it was 9 pm by the time I finished reading & still had an hour drive, was no reason to rush though. I should have taken longer because at about 11:30 p.m., give or take, the dogs went ballistic. I looked out and my car doors were open and the dogs were running after something, though someone turned out to be more accurate once the cops showed up. They took finger prints because there was a massive hand print on my window, but doubt if it will do any good. Once they finally left, I brought the dogs in because I wanted to feel safer. I am glad that I did because around 6-6:30 a.m., someone tried soming in the bedroom window. Fortunately, Zoe decided that she did not approve and her barking brought the other 2 running and the idiot was chased off.
For the record, I hate this sort of crap.
But, once the cops had done their part - zilch - I went shopping and feel remarkably better. Retail therapy does wonders.
It is now Saturday and I have managed to read several mangas and a kids book called "Santa Paws." If your kids are in the right age group (about 2nd grade through 4th) or you just like cutesy animal books, pick it up. I certainly enjoyed them. The book is the 1st in a series about a German shepherd mix who gets a family and has a unique ability to help people out of their problems. It was a quick & easy read, and it was fun, what can I say?
Beyond that, I am killing time today. I am just not here and really do not care much today. I have a few dozen things I would rather be doing at home, but that pay check is necessary. Sigh. Oh well.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Here are Today's Ramblings.
Let’s see, 1st off I want to put in a promo for L’Oreal Vive shampoo & conditioner. Since I started using it about a month ago, the difference in my hair has been amazing. I actually like what is emerging from the haystack I call hair. I have even decided to officially ditch the idea of a perm and get a decent cut since my hair has developed some body to it and is looking good. Few more months of intensive care & I might actually be willing to have pictures taken of me.
For no real reason I am now going to ramble about underwear. I am a thong girl with 1 exception – when I exercise. Then I pull out my “special collection” of granny panties because there is something about the feel of sweat running from my back, over my butt & down my leg that just grosses me out. The thongs I have, well, there just isn’t enough material to make a difference. So now that I have revealed way too much information, I want to know why so many romance characters bash thong’s? Why is thong underwear considered a “bad girl” thing? And why do so many people complain about the feel of thongs up their butt when, in my book, the worst feeling is when the granny panties bunch up and then you have to do little wiggles to get them to lay flat again.
Next I am curious to know what the appeal is of hose over thigh highs or stockings and garters among women. I won't bother asking why men prefer stockings or thigh highs. The answer is blatantly obvious after all. I HATE DETEST DESPISE AND LOATHE PANTY HOSE!
I want to make that clear. Yet nearly all the women I know would rather admit to picking their nose while driving or (horrors!) peeing in the shower rather than wear stockings or thigh highs.
I honestly do not understand this mentality. It does not help that I have never figured out the fine art of pulling the dam things on and then keeping them run free. Stocking? Thigh highs? I still have some that I picked up at Victoria's Secret 10 years ago and they not only still fit, but have never run, and still look decent. I would not wear them for a "special occasion," but for weddings, church, and work, they work beautifully. They are also able to stand up to small children and clawed animals, which is something that I look for in my clothes. I can't recommend Victoria's strongly enough.
Just wondering.
Yesterday, I had a delightfully dull day and spent some of it gossiping with 1 of my staff ladies. She is currently looking in to getting another Yorkshire terrier. I learned several things during this conversation and am going to share. First, these little dogs are just that – little. It is unusual apparently for them to weigh more than 3 lbs. Guess how much a pure bred costs? During her search, she found prices for puppies, PUPPIES, that ranged from $600.00 to $65000.00. Yes, six thousand five hundred dollars for a freaking ½ lbs. puppy. I eat chocolate bars heavier than that! I was, and still am, stunned. But that is what she wants, so that is what she is getting as part of her Christmas gifts.
This morning was interesting. I am spending the weekend at my mother’s, and thanks to all the affection from the dogs, I made a classic error. I locked the keys in the house. Fortunately, I had left a window open so I had a glorious adventure. Crawling in the window, dodging the dogs, tripping over the cats who wanted to know just why I was coming in the window & not the door like I should. I had to laugh as I ended up on the living room floor with the blinds tangled in my hair (still not sure how I did that), covered in dog slobber, cobwebs, and dew. I was in need of something different to wear to work at 9:15 a.m., when I am supposed to be at work at 9 a.m. & it’s a 40 minute drive. All things considered, it was rather funny & I am just grateful that there was no one to see my completely graceless entry. Or the dogs trying to help. Or the cats yowling at me. Thank God there was no camera's either.
After dealing with these dogs, I am even more firmly convinced that any time a dog is aggressive, it is because of human involvement. The 3 I perform housekeeping duties for are classic examples of spoiled rotten pooches. DD is a pit bull/lab mix who will gain an instant 100 IQ points at the sight of ginger cookies. Her idea of aggression is knocking you over while you rub her belly. Beadle is the elderly statesmen of the group. He is (surprise!) a beagle, which obviously had been beaten given the way he cringes, and rolls over at the sight of a human. That is if he hasn't already run away. I am still surprised he came up to me. As it is, now it would take a crow bar to get him away from his new home. Then comes the newest member of the ravening wolf pack – Zoe. She is probably a grey hound/lab retriever mix. I guess, maybe, perhaps. She is still disgustingly young and shows all the hallmarks of both breeds which makes for an interesting time. She yips like a grey hound, but is needy like a retriever. I am trying to find her a home because I am totally against any pound that does not have a no kill policy.
If anyone wants a 40 lbs. white dog, let me know. I’ll send pictures and something can be arranged. Because otherwise, I will end up keeping her & I do not need a dog. I might want a dog, but I am totally unprepared for a dog. Another cat? Sure. A dog? Ack! I keep running through my head all the reasons I should just take her to the pound, despite my objections. I have no collar, bowls, kennel, leash, money, anything to take care of her. I am at work for 9 hours and have a 2 hour drive, total, each day. I flat out do not have the time to take care of a dog properly. Last time I checked, dogs are more needy and require daily attention. Cats, which I can handle, only want a decent housekeeping staff and attention on their terms. I can do that. I am also going to be moving in with my mother soon, and she is oddly anti-pets.
My sister and I have never really understood how she ended up so anti-pet. Her brother has always had dogs. In fact, he just got another little dust mop of a dog, a bichon frieze this time. Her mother always had dogs. My sister & I have 3 cats & a dog each – though I am hoping to lose a dog soon. Of her 2 nieces (a.k.a. my cousins), 1 has 4 wiemerieners (& wants more), while the other has a mutt she found walking home from work. So where mom developed her bias is beyond me.
Though as I think about it, my sister’s dog is old and showing all the classic signs of a dog in its last phase of life. The 4-legged child has problems getting up or down, be it from a sit to a stand or a lie to a sit. She has to struggle and it obviously hurts. She no longer eats as much, and is perfectly willing to sleep all day. So a young dog moving in would probably be a good idea. Deuce Ann just can’t keep up with my nephew any more. A young dog that would play would probably be a blessing in disguise. Sounding this out a bit now. Zoe would love all the attention. My sister stays at home because she is in school now. My nephew is in a year round school, so he would be there to play with Zoe, which would let Deuce stay inside and be closer to her personal goddess, my sister. And when Deuce went to the giant play pen, Zoe would be there and all sorts of issues could be averted.
Real question is, would my mom buy that line of crap?
I just answered a bathroom call (a patron reported a stopped toilet). One of the mysteries of dealing with public bathrooms is a permanent case of, “How?” and “Why?” Examples include: how did they get all those rolls of TP stuffed in that toilet? How did that spray get on the back of the seat in the women’s restroom? Why is the men’s restroom always so gross comparatively? Even though the women’s is usually the nastiest? Things like that.
It’s now 3:30 p.m. and I have finished “SilverFin; A James Bond Adventure,” by Charlie Higson. The book is 1 of Bond’s 1st adventure and surprisingly well done. There are bits about how Bond became Bond and how he grew up. Part of why I liked the book is because Higson stayed true to Ian Fleming’s character. Higson just tied it all up in a neat bow. I can recommend the book, but not reading at work unless your boss is far away & you are the boss. Kind of like me!
OK, when is the fashion fad of pants so big they fall off your ass going to die? And when do people realize that a little perfume, after shave, musk, cologne, body spray, whatever goes a long way? I just had an individual walk by with his pants so baggy I was not only able to see his boxers, but his tidy whitey’s underneath. To add insult to injury, he stank of some men’s cologne I do not recognize, but I can certainly taste. Gack!
Here is another gripe though it is about books this time. Why is it that the only one who can save the world is a young child? Why can’t it be that old grey beard in a wheel chair? Instead of the Buffy-types, why can’t it be the geek over in tech services who is a walking stereotype of the worst kind. And come on, hasn’t anyone figured out that prophecies are only as good as all the people who are working together? Sheez! Ghenges Khan and Alexander were 2 of histories greatest leaders, but they certainly did not do it by themselves. Last time I checked, they both had advisors, generals, etc. tagging along and doing all sorts of grunt work. And let’s not forget all those grunts either.
For no real reason I am now going to ramble about underwear. I am a thong girl with 1 exception – when I exercise. Then I pull out my “special collection” of granny panties because there is something about the feel of sweat running from my back, over my butt & down my leg that just grosses me out. The thongs I have, well, there just isn’t enough material to make a difference. So now that I have revealed way too much information, I want to know why so many romance characters bash thong’s? Why is thong underwear considered a “bad girl” thing? And why do so many people complain about the feel of thongs up their butt when, in my book, the worst feeling is when the granny panties bunch up and then you have to do little wiggles to get them to lay flat again.
Next I am curious to know what the appeal is of hose over thigh highs or stockings and garters among women. I won't bother asking why men prefer stockings or thigh highs. The answer is blatantly obvious after all. I HATE DETEST DESPISE AND LOATHE PANTY HOSE!
I want to make that clear. Yet nearly all the women I know would rather admit to picking their nose while driving or (horrors!) peeing in the shower rather than wear stockings or thigh highs.
I honestly do not understand this mentality. It does not help that I have never figured out the fine art of pulling the dam things on and then keeping them run free. Stocking? Thigh highs? I still have some that I picked up at Victoria's Secret 10 years ago and they not only still fit, but have never run, and still look decent. I would not wear them for a "special occasion," but for weddings, church, and work, they work beautifully. They are also able to stand up to small children and clawed animals, which is something that I look for in my clothes. I can't recommend Victoria's strongly enough.
Just wondering.
Yesterday, I had a delightfully dull day and spent some of it gossiping with 1 of my staff ladies. She is currently looking in to getting another Yorkshire terrier. I learned several things during this conversation and am going to share. First, these little dogs are just that – little. It is unusual apparently for them to weigh more than 3 lbs. Guess how much a pure bred costs? During her search, she found prices for puppies, PUPPIES, that ranged from $600.00 to $65000.00. Yes, six thousand five hundred dollars for a freaking ½ lbs. puppy. I eat chocolate bars heavier than that! I was, and still am, stunned. But that is what she wants, so that is what she is getting as part of her Christmas gifts.
This morning was interesting. I am spending the weekend at my mother’s, and thanks to all the affection from the dogs, I made a classic error. I locked the keys in the house. Fortunately, I had left a window open so I had a glorious adventure. Crawling in the window, dodging the dogs, tripping over the cats who wanted to know just why I was coming in the window & not the door like I should. I had to laugh as I ended up on the living room floor with the blinds tangled in my hair (still not sure how I did that), covered in dog slobber, cobwebs, and dew. I was in need of something different to wear to work at 9:15 a.m., when I am supposed to be at work at 9 a.m. & it’s a 40 minute drive. All things considered, it was rather funny & I am just grateful that there was no one to see my completely graceless entry. Or the dogs trying to help. Or the cats yowling at me. Thank God there was no camera's either.
After dealing with these dogs, I am even more firmly convinced that any time a dog is aggressive, it is because of human involvement. The 3 I perform housekeeping duties for are classic examples of spoiled rotten pooches. DD is a pit bull/lab mix who will gain an instant 100 IQ points at the sight of ginger cookies. Her idea of aggression is knocking you over while you rub her belly. Beadle is the elderly statesmen of the group. He is (surprise!) a beagle, which obviously had been beaten given the way he cringes, and rolls over at the sight of a human. That is if he hasn't already run away. I am still surprised he came up to me. As it is, now it would take a crow bar to get him away from his new home. Then comes the newest member of the ravening wolf pack – Zoe. She is probably a grey hound/lab retriever mix. I guess, maybe, perhaps. She is still disgustingly young and shows all the hallmarks of both breeds which makes for an interesting time. She yips like a grey hound, but is needy like a retriever. I am trying to find her a home because I am totally against any pound that does not have a no kill policy.
If anyone wants a 40 lbs. white dog, let me know. I’ll send pictures and something can be arranged. Because otherwise, I will end up keeping her & I do not need a dog. I might want a dog, but I am totally unprepared for a dog. Another cat? Sure. A dog? Ack! I keep running through my head all the reasons I should just take her to the pound, despite my objections. I have no collar, bowls, kennel, leash, money, anything to take care of her. I am at work for 9 hours and have a 2 hour drive, total, each day. I flat out do not have the time to take care of a dog properly. Last time I checked, dogs are more needy and require daily attention. Cats, which I can handle, only want a decent housekeeping staff and attention on their terms. I can do that. I am also going to be moving in with my mother soon, and she is oddly anti-pets.
My sister and I have never really understood how she ended up so anti-pet. Her brother has always had dogs. In fact, he just got another little dust mop of a dog, a bichon frieze this time. Her mother always had dogs. My sister & I have 3 cats & a dog each – though I am hoping to lose a dog soon. Of her 2 nieces (a.k.a. my cousins), 1 has 4 wiemerieners (& wants more), while the other has a mutt she found walking home from work. So where mom developed her bias is beyond me.
Though as I think about it, my sister’s dog is old and showing all the classic signs of a dog in its last phase of life. The 4-legged child has problems getting up or down, be it from a sit to a stand or a lie to a sit. She has to struggle and it obviously hurts. She no longer eats as much, and is perfectly willing to sleep all day. So a young dog moving in would probably be a good idea. Deuce Ann just can’t keep up with my nephew any more. A young dog that would play would probably be a blessing in disguise. Sounding this out a bit now. Zoe would love all the attention. My sister stays at home because she is in school now. My nephew is in a year round school, so he would be there to play with Zoe, which would let Deuce stay inside and be closer to her personal goddess, my sister. And when Deuce went to the giant play pen, Zoe would be there and all sorts of issues could be averted.
Real question is, would my mom buy that line of crap?
I just answered a bathroom call (a patron reported a stopped toilet). One of the mysteries of dealing with public bathrooms is a permanent case of, “How?” and “Why?” Examples include: how did they get all those rolls of TP stuffed in that toilet? How did that spray get on the back of the seat in the women’s restroom? Why is the men’s restroom always so gross comparatively? Even though the women’s is usually the nastiest? Things like that.
It’s now 3:30 p.m. and I have finished “SilverFin; A James Bond Adventure,” by Charlie Higson. The book is 1 of Bond’s 1st adventure and surprisingly well done. There are bits about how Bond became Bond and how he grew up. Part of why I liked the book is because Higson stayed true to Ian Fleming’s character. Higson just tied it all up in a neat bow. I can recommend the book, but not reading at work unless your boss is far away & you are the boss. Kind of like me!
OK, when is the fashion fad of pants so big they fall off your ass going to die? And when do people realize that a little perfume, after shave, musk, cologne, body spray, whatever goes a long way? I just had an individual walk by with his pants so baggy I was not only able to see his boxers, but his tidy whitey’s underneath. To add insult to injury, he stank of some men’s cologne I do not recognize, but I can certainly taste. Gack!
Here is another gripe though it is about books this time. Why is it that the only one who can save the world is a young child? Why can’t it be that old grey beard in a wheel chair? Instead of the Buffy-types, why can’t it be the geek over in tech services who is a walking stereotype of the worst kind. And come on, hasn’t anyone figured out that prophecies are only as good as all the people who are working together? Sheez! Ghenges Khan and Alexander were 2 of histories greatest leaders, but they certainly did not do it by themselves. Last time I checked, they both had advisors, generals, etc. tagging along and doing all sorts of grunt work. And let’s not forget all those grunts either.
Anyway, it's almost time to go to mommy's so later!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Today's Subjects Are . . .
To all those who love Halloween, I admire your enjoyment of the holiday season. I love watching the little kids get excited about dressing up for Halloween, and the amused self-derision of indulgent parents. I enjoy the commonplace complaints about how it is ridiculous that the stores have all the holiday decorations out, while everyone starts buying madly. I adore going window shopping under any circumstances, so this is just the best. Driving around at night and seeing all the decorations is a blast and I love seeing how creative people can get.
In fact, on my way home there is a place with a small hay wagon, complete with hay, loaded with pumpkins and other gourds, and in the front are 2 scarecrows, both with pumpkin heads, driving it. The rest of the fence is also decorated and the house has small pumpkin lights in each window and its just cool to drive by it at night. I am dying to see what they will do for Thanksgiving & then Christmas.
It does not change the fact that this is a lousy time of year. As anyone who has had to live with me over the years can testify, I become steadily edgier, snarl-y, paranoid, and generally not a lot of fun to be around. It does not help that it is not necessarily all that safe to be around me during this time. This is when I get sick, anyone who is ready to die in my family does it during this time of year, something bad happens with my car, work stress levels go up so my choke the living shit out of someone quotient goes up, and anything negative possible comes down the pipe line. Throw in the chaos that Thanksgiving always is in my family because this is the holiday that we spend with the “other family,” and all the emotional black mail and angst that comes along with that. None of these are insurmountable, or even all that big of a deal individually, just all of it within a 3-4 month period. The week AFTER News Years is when I celebrate. That is when life returns to blissful calmness & I am so looking forward to it already.
Subject change – some recent reads.
I finished last weekend several dozen teen/manga books. They were fun mangas. What more can I say?
I also read Nora Robert’s latest, “Blue Smoke.” For fans of hers, this is 1 of her best in a while. What I really liked was how she put so many details about how fire’s are started and arson and just important details to explain the how’s of the book, which explained why people reacted the way they did. For the reader, there was no mystery as to who the guilty party is, but it she managed to pull of being blatantly obvious but kept the characters in the dark until the right point when they had all the necessary clues. Reading it, you knew who the bad guy was in the prologue. But by the time the characters were in their early 30’s, late 20’s, they had figured it out & it all made sense.
Next I read Sherrilyn Kenyon’s “Bad Attitude.” What can I say? She wrote yet another fun read with obnoxious characters. Her books always tend towards a snotty sort of humor that makes me laugh. If you like books with great one-liners and one-upmanship, then try her out. In this one, the male lead is a sniper who gets pissed off (justifiably) at his superior officer & shots his superior officers helmet off in a combat zone. Some reason, he goes to jail. The B.A.D. agency make him an offer he can’t refuse, so he gets out & goes to work for them, undercover & the under the covers with his new partner who is a defensive, sarcastic soul. There is a wonderful scene based in the Grand ole’ Opry that had me laughing out loud. And the ending helped set up the future books, even though it did not really tie well into her previous novels set in this area. While I can’t say this is the best yet, it was worth re-reading several times& I will buy it.
I also read Karen Marie Moning’s “Spell of the Highlander.” This continued the saga of the Druid family who protect the barrier between the Sidhe and us. In this 1, an ancestor who managed to get himself trapped in a mirror finds his mate in the form of an archeology student, working towards her PhD. They go through several adventures, meet up with the descendents he did not even know he had, and managed to not only defeat the bad guy but set up the scene for the next book. I was impressed. Part of the reason I like her books is because they are all interconnected and she definitely has a strong sense of family. So, like Kenyon’s, while I can’t say this is the best yet, it was worth re-reading several times& I will buy it.
Finally, I read Mercedes Lackey’s “Wizard of London.” The 1st ¾’s of the book were great. The actual last chapter was incredibly poignant and has me wishing she would write faster. The ending itself? It could have been fleshed out more, especially since the 1st few chapters were taken directly from a short story she wrote years ago. I liked how she fleshed the characters out, showed how they worked and loved and relied on one another. I enjoyed reading the book in general. But the big battle ended with the bad guy being swallowed up by the demon. And that was all she wrote. Unless there is going to be more based on this book, that was a huge let down. I’ll buy it because I already have everything else she put out, but it will definitely not be a frequent re-read.
Subject change – lack of a car stereo
Let me stress to everyone that not having a car stereo is a very bad thing. You can hear the gas sloshing. You can hear the rubber bands in the engine whining and the little gerbil’s toe nails scrambling as they run madly on the treadmill in the engine. You can hear every ping and pong and thud as you drive. When an 18-wheeler passes you, it is an entirely new experience. You can’t block out as many of the annoyances of driving because there is nothing to distract you. It is awful! I think I am going to have to get something, anything for the car because this is beyond awful.
Subject change – applications
I am looking at yet another job, this one for the Beaufort County, SC schools. They need a school librarian. Their application is 14 pages long. I have filled out government applications that were shorter and required less B.S. than this thing!
In fact, on my way home there is a place with a small hay wagon, complete with hay, loaded with pumpkins and other gourds, and in the front are 2 scarecrows, both with pumpkin heads, driving it. The rest of the fence is also decorated and the house has small pumpkin lights in each window and its just cool to drive by it at night. I am dying to see what they will do for Thanksgiving & then Christmas.
It does not change the fact that this is a lousy time of year. As anyone who has had to live with me over the years can testify, I become steadily edgier, snarl-y, paranoid, and generally not a lot of fun to be around. It does not help that it is not necessarily all that safe to be around me during this time. This is when I get sick, anyone who is ready to die in my family does it during this time of year, something bad happens with my car, work stress levels go up so my choke the living shit out of someone quotient goes up, and anything negative possible comes down the pipe line. Throw in the chaos that Thanksgiving always is in my family because this is the holiday that we spend with the “other family,” and all the emotional black mail and angst that comes along with that. None of these are insurmountable, or even all that big of a deal individually, just all of it within a 3-4 month period. The week AFTER News Years is when I celebrate. That is when life returns to blissful calmness & I am so looking forward to it already.
Subject change – some recent reads.
I finished last weekend several dozen teen/manga books. They were fun mangas. What more can I say?
I also read Nora Robert’s latest, “Blue Smoke.” For fans of hers, this is 1 of her best in a while. What I really liked was how she put so many details about how fire’s are started and arson and just important details to explain the how’s of the book, which explained why people reacted the way they did. For the reader, there was no mystery as to who the guilty party is, but it she managed to pull of being blatantly obvious but kept the characters in the dark until the right point when they had all the necessary clues. Reading it, you knew who the bad guy was in the prologue. But by the time the characters were in their early 30’s, late 20’s, they had figured it out & it all made sense.
Next I read Sherrilyn Kenyon’s “Bad Attitude.” What can I say? She wrote yet another fun read with obnoxious characters. Her books always tend towards a snotty sort of humor that makes me laugh. If you like books with great one-liners and one-upmanship, then try her out. In this one, the male lead is a sniper who gets pissed off (justifiably) at his superior officer & shots his superior officers helmet off in a combat zone. Some reason, he goes to jail. The B.A.D. agency make him an offer he can’t refuse, so he gets out & goes to work for them, undercover & the under the covers with his new partner who is a defensive, sarcastic soul. There is a wonderful scene based in the Grand ole’ Opry that had me laughing out loud. And the ending helped set up the future books, even though it did not really tie well into her previous novels set in this area. While I can’t say this is the best yet, it was worth re-reading several times& I will buy it.
I also read Karen Marie Moning’s “Spell of the Highlander.” This continued the saga of the Druid family who protect the barrier between the Sidhe and us. In this 1, an ancestor who managed to get himself trapped in a mirror finds his mate in the form of an archeology student, working towards her PhD. They go through several adventures, meet up with the descendents he did not even know he had, and managed to not only defeat the bad guy but set up the scene for the next book. I was impressed. Part of the reason I like her books is because they are all interconnected and she definitely has a strong sense of family. So, like Kenyon’s, while I can’t say this is the best yet, it was worth re-reading several times& I will buy it.
Finally, I read Mercedes Lackey’s “Wizard of London.” The 1st ¾’s of the book were great. The actual last chapter was incredibly poignant and has me wishing she would write faster. The ending itself? It could have been fleshed out more, especially since the 1st few chapters were taken directly from a short story she wrote years ago. I liked how she fleshed the characters out, showed how they worked and loved and relied on one another. I enjoyed reading the book in general. But the big battle ended with the bad guy being swallowed up by the demon. And that was all she wrote. Unless there is going to be more based on this book, that was a huge let down. I’ll buy it because I already have everything else she put out, but it will definitely not be a frequent re-read.
Subject change – lack of a car stereo
Let me stress to everyone that not having a car stereo is a very bad thing. You can hear the gas sloshing. You can hear the rubber bands in the engine whining and the little gerbil’s toe nails scrambling as they run madly on the treadmill in the engine. You can hear every ping and pong and thud as you drive. When an 18-wheeler passes you, it is an entirely new experience. You can’t block out as many of the annoyances of driving because there is nothing to distract you. It is awful! I think I am going to have to get something, anything for the car because this is beyond awful.
Subject change – applications
I am looking at yet another job, this one for the Beaufort County, SC schools. They need a school librarian. Their application is 14 pages long. I have filled out government applications that were shorter and required less B.S. than this thing!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Maybe I Should Wear My Funny White Jacket More Often
Please forgive the repetition, but here is the rest of the story I began yesterday.
I was once told by an "interesting" soul all about their personal believes about the town I currently live in and that they have spent their entire live living in. He & his 2 sisters both firmly believed that the reason the town had such bizarre luck was that it was the desecrated remains of an ancient Indian burial ground. And the area their family home was in was a major part of this burial ground, which was why their house was so prone to haunting. Let me say, that if ever there was a family in need of serious counseling, Dr. Phil's personal attention, and Oprah's money, this family was it.
Example 1: The only son was not only hit by an elderly woman, but the elderly woman then backed over him, ran over him again, and then backed over him again. She still claims she never saw him and was confused by the fact that she did not recall there being any speed bumps on that road. He weighs well over 200 lbs, and stands over 6'.
Example 2: The father was literally born without an anus.
Example 3: The sisters have some distinctly unique interpretations of wicca and paganism. OK?
During the mercifully brief period of time I had anything to do with this family, I learned a variety of things. One of them is that if ever a house was haunted, theirs was. There were rooms that would be freezing to the point of ice forming even though there were spaces heaters running year round. This is South Georgia - it never gets that cold! There were rooms that you could not enter even though the door was wide open. Stuff along those lines. What made it really entertaining was the ghosts. I never saw one, but according to the siblings, the one female ghost was rather, ah hem, amorous. The ghost also seemed to swing both ways. I deliberately refused to hear those stories, because that was waaaaay too much information.
The sisters views of paganism and wicca are still worth a laugh. My favorite will always be how they firmly believed that an avatar of Herne lived in the woods along the outskirts of town. They also kept trying tried to convince a friend of mine that her totem animal was not an animal, but a tree. The number of flaws in that idea are pretty self-explanatory, I hope.
Changing subjects, but one of the books I have on the way here at work is Alan Alda's new memoir called "Never Have Your Dog Stuffed." The 2 links are for the cnn.com article and the official book website. I should have the book by Friday and be finished with it within a few days, depending on what all I have to do and what else I get. What I have read so far sounds hilarious.
And another complete change of subject, but I had several weird dream segments last night. I can not get them out of my head and they are just disturbing. Exmi, I think these might top yours.
The 1st was just strange. I was in a car talking with my new boyfriend (?), maybe, perhaps, I have no clue who he was. Just know that there was a strange resemblance to several of the manga/anime characters I enjoy. We were on our way to his races/species compound where he would shed his "glamour" and if I could accept his price, he would accept mine. (Don't ask. Too embarrassing.) Once we parked, he got out, walked around, opened the door, and then helped me kneel while he collared me. We then entered the compound where gorgeous woman was standing, watching this totally buff man doing calisthenics to Queen's "We are the Champion." (Yes, that was weird in & of itself.) We then walked into this room and he, well, shimmered.
I woke up at that point wondering just what the hell was in those crackers I had to eat before bed. I officially swear that I will never eat pickles and crackers before bed again because I have dreams like these.
But the most bizarre dream segment I remember was this. I was sitting on an overstuffed sofa with someone with short dark hair. We were watching "The Guns of Navaroe." On the TV was John Wayne sitting on the pot, pants around his ankles, reading the newspaper, with June Cleaver in her pearls & high heels sitting beside him on a stool, knitting. Incredibly strange. The rest of my dream segments, well, they were incredibly detailed & graphic. It has obviously been far too long because I have managed to go for nearly my entire life without dreams this graphic. They were detailed to the point that going out the nearest dating meat market almost sounds appealing.
Since I blog at work and we have net nannies, I am going to leave this as a teaser. ;-)
I was once told by an "interesting" soul all about their personal believes about the town I currently live in and that they have spent their entire live living in. He & his 2 sisters both firmly believed that the reason the town had such bizarre luck was that it was the desecrated remains of an ancient Indian burial ground. And the area their family home was in was a major part of this burial ground, which was why their house was so prone to haunting. Let me say, that if ever there was a family in need of serious counseling, Dr. Phil's personal attention, and Oprah's money, this family was it.
Example 1: The only son was not only hit by an elderly woman, but the elderly woman then backed over him, ran over him again, and then backed over him again. She still claims she never saw him and was confused by the fact that she did not recall there being any speed bumps on that road. He weighs well over 200 lbs, and stands over 6'.
Example 2: The father was literally born without an anus.
Example 3: The sisters have some distinctly unique interpretations of wicca and paganism. OK?
During the mercifully brief period of time I had anything to do with this family, I learned a variety of things. One of them is that if ever a house was haunted, theirs was. There were rooms that would be freezing to the point of ice forming even though there were spaces heaters running year round. This is South Georgia - it never gets that cold! There were rooms that you could not enter even though the door was wide open. Stuff along those lines. What made it really entertaining was the ghosts. I never saw one, but according to the siblings, the one female ghost was rather, ah hem, amorous. The ghost also seemed to swing both ways. I deliberately refused to hear those stories, because that was waaaaay too much information.
The sisters views of paganism and wicca are still worth a laugh. My favorite will always be how they firmly believed that an avatar of Herne lived in the woods along the outskirts of town. They also kept trying tried to convince a friend of mine that her totem animal was not an animal, but a tree. The number of flaws in that idea are pretty self-explanatory, I hope.
Changing subjects, but one of the books I have on the way here at work is Alan Alda's new memoir called "Never Have Your Dog Stuffed." The 2 links are for the cnn.com article and the official book website. I should have the book by Friday and be finished with it within a few days, depending on what all I have to do and what else I get. What I have read so far sounds hilarious.
And another complete change of subject, but I had several weird dream segments last night. I can not get them out of my head and they are just disturbing. Exmi, I think these might top yours.
The 1st was just strange. I was in a car talking with my new boyfriend (?), maybe, perhaps, I have no clue who he was. Just know that there was a strange resemblance to several of the manga/anime characters I enjoy. We were on our way to his races/species compound where he would shed his "glamour" and if I could accept his price, he would accept mine. (Don't ask. Too embarrassing.) Once we parked, he got out, walked around, opened the door, and then helped me kneel while he collared me. We then entered the compound where gorgeous woman was standing, watching this totally buff man doing calisthenics to Queen's "We are the Champion." (Yes, that was weird in & of itself.) We then walked into this room and he, well, shimmered.
I woke up at that point wondering just what the hell was in those crackers I had to eat before bed. I officially swear that I will never eat pickles and crackers before bed again because I have dreams like these.
But the most bizarre dream segment I remember was this. I was sitting on an overstuffed sofa with someone with short dark hair. We were watching "The Guns of Navaroe." On the TV was John Wayne sitting on the pot, pants around his ankles, reading the newspaper, with June Cleaver in her pearls & high heels sitting beside him on a stool, knitting. Incredibly strange. The rest of my dream segments, well, they were incredibly detailed & graphic. It has obviously been far too long because I have managed to go for nearly my entire life without dreams this graphic. They were detailed to the point that going out the nearest dating meat market almost sounds appealing.
Since I blog at work and we have net nannies, I am going to leave this as a teaser. ;-)
Monday, October 10, 2005
I Really Am Sane, I Promise (ignore the funny white jacket, OK?)
Today has brought a level of acceptance to my psyche, if only because I cannot kill everyone who has pissed me off recently. Jail is not something I eagerly look forward to, and making the nice police officer's all unhappy is not something I enjoy doing. I would like to go on a homicidal rampage, but there are all those pesky laws. Seems a shame, but since I really do not want to be mowed down myself, I should not complain too strenuously.
Besides, I was able to call my parental units and have received all sorts of "there there, we'll help take care of this" and all sorts of coddling and I am enough of a sap that it works. I try to convince myself that I should be a strong woman, able to take care of myself without having to call home any time something bad happens, but fuck it. This is historically the worst time of year for me and while I can take all sorts of abuse and keep it from affecting my professional life, there is no way in hell I can cope personally unless I vent in either my written or blog diary, and then have my family react in their predictable patterns. As I think about it, I really hope that I drop dead before my sister because otherwise I will never be able to cope with life.
A few years back, I did a review of all my old journals and day timers to prove a point/win an argument (depends on your perspective). I no longer have to chart thanks to a computer crash, but I was able to prove how every year for the past 15 (at the time), from my birthday until about New Years, my life resembled a flushing toilet. What was truly amazing is how it changed a few relationships. Those who saw the chart & diagrams have all started bracing for this period and the cards I get for my birthday usually include something about how it is almost the New Year, just hang on.
I spent some of today looking up cars and trying to get an idea of what I want seeing as how my current car has been trashed by a bunch of jackasses who deserve a painful death involving zombies, ants, and lots of knives and blood sucking leeches. Anyway, I have no idea is what it is I want sums up right now. All I know for 100% sure is that it will be a 5 speed manual, have a CD player, a/c is a must, along with the heater, good gas mileage, and prefer a small car because it is just me. That covers all I have decided. Huge list, eh? If anyone has suggestions, please submit them. I need help! I am in the position of being able to take my time & am planning on hitting the Christmas/New Year sales, partially because I am superstitious, but unlike the past few cars, I am doing this with something approaching a plan. I am terrified!
I have been thinking about Halloween - mostly because I can't avoid it. I really hate Halloween. I hate it more than I hate Valentine's Day, OK? I understand the thrill of getting free candy and all, but I have never ever once in my life looked forward to Halloween. There is something about this holiday that inspires great dread, fear and loathing in me. I want that understood before I go on. I have no real reason why I despise Halloween, because nothing bad has ever happened. Unless something happened in a past life, or is echoing down a metaphysical time line from the future, nothing bad should happen. Yet I detest Halloween and will get into screaming fights to make my point that I do not want to go out. (The grammar in those past few sentences is atrocious-sorry.)
Despite this deep seated loathing, I adore the religious aspects of Samhein and like delving into the different interpretations and histories of the holiday. I also enjoy listening to and reading about ghostly stories and the supernatural. In fact, if anyone wants a list of good stories, sources, etc., let me know. It will take me about 10 minutes to pull about 75 titles. As it is, I can recommend "Ghostly Tales of Japan," by Rafe Martin. Listening to that now. And if anyone wants to share, PLEASE! I love them! The spookier the better!
This lead in is so that I can share some of my experiences and tales others have told me over the years. I will be throwing them out at random intervals, so don't be surprised. As I am sure has become clear, I do my writing to kill time at work and I have A LOT of free time to kill.
The 1st tale is 1 that happened my 1st year of college and scared the crap out of all of us. I had a oujia board from a high school party and my roommates, some of their friends, and I were goofing around - like normal 17-19 year olds do. 1 of the "older" guys there said something about how we should try contacting this 1 entity he knew of from previous experiences. Being giggling morons trying to appear cool before the older guy, we complied. Nothing happened and since there was "food" to prepare for that nights drinking, we just sat it down on the coffee table and started prepping. Things went really weird at that point. The pointer started moving on its own. When 1 of the girls (not a roomie) noticed, she did the natural thing and screeched. No idea who it was, but man, she hit a note I did not think anyone outside of opera's could hit. One of my braver roommies, thanks to alcohol, laughed and tried to pick the board up to show the strings. Funnily enough, the pointer, board and table would not move. Amazing how quickly we all huddled into the kitchen. I can still remember that when we all were looking at that board on the pink table, huddled in this tiny kitchen, and 1 phone rings. This would not be so bad, but we were all quiet, no one had a cell phone then, and we had 1 phone line with 4 phones on it. But only 1 phone rang. I am sure it is a surprise, but we all jumped a foot and fell all over one another at that point. When 1 of the others picked up the phone, we all heard this truly vile laughter mixed with weird music. The phone was slammed down and that broke the self-induced mass hysteria. We all went out that night instead of staying in to watch movies, and we got all new phones within a week, but life went on. The oujia board ended up in the trash.
This next one, I will finish tomorrow, but here is the 1st part.
I was once told by an "interesting" soul all about their personal believes about the town I currently live in and that they have spent their entire live living in. He & his 2 sisters both firmly believed that the reason the town had such bizarre luck was that it was the desecrated remains of an ancient Indian burial ground. And the area their family home was in was a major part of this burial ground, which was why their house was so prone to hauntings.
Let me say, that if ever there was a family in need of serious counseling, Dr. Phil's personal attention, and Oprah's money, this family was it. The only son was not only hit by an elderly woman, but the elderly woman then backed over him, ran over him again, and then backed over him again. She still claims she never saw him and was confused by the fact that she did not recall there being any speed bumps on that road. He weighs well over 200 lbs, and stands over 6'. The father was literally born without an anus. The sisters have some distinctly unique interpretations of wicca and paganism. OK?
But before I go -
Here is an article and the mentioned links that I found killing time this afternoon. Kind of neat actually.
http://gerd.msn.com/article.aspx?aid=62>1=7121
http://www.med.umich.edu/umim/clinical/pyramid/
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
http://www.mypyramidtracker.gov/
The 'Healing Foods' pyramid
New healthful-foods guide includes chocolate, alcohol, tea
By Anne HardingSpecial to MSN
University of Michigan researchers have created a food pyramid with much more than your stomach in mind.
The colorful, 10-tier triangle, introduced in March, is based on two years of research into the power of foods to ward off and fight illnesses such as autoimmune conditions, chronic pain, cancer and heart disease, says Dr. Monica Myklebust, director of University of Michigan Integrative Medicine Clinical Services in Ann Arbor. Myklebust created the pyramid with Jenna Wunder, a nutritionist at the center.
"It seems to boil down to a certain number of essential points on how to eat to prevent and treat these conditions," explains Myklebust, a family physician who spent a two-year fellowship with University of Arizona integrative-medicine guru Dr. Andrew Weil. In a nutshell: Eat less meat and more plant products, enjoy a variety of foods and emphasize healthy fats.
Building blocksThe Healing Foods Pyramid is accessible on the Web at (Link) A click on each of the 12 building blocks that form the pyramid's 10 tiers brings up detailed information on the food group's benefits as well as recommended servings and portion sizes.
Water forms the base of the pyramid, followed by five tiers representing foods to be eaten daily: fruits and vegetables, grains, legumes, seasonings and healthy fats like olive oil, and eggs and dairy products. The next two tiers are fish and seafood and lean meats, to be eaten weekly. Next are chocolate, alcohol and tea, grouped as "accompaniments," all of which can benefit health when consumed in moderation. Finally, at the very tip, there's an empty triangle, reserved for a "special treat that is healing for you," to be indulged in occasionally.
Myklebust and Wunder emphasize buying organic foods whenever possible, purchasing meat and eggs from free-range animals, and avoiding meat and dairy products containing hormones. The section on fish also provides details on which seafoods should be avoided due to the risk of PCB or mercury contamination. Choosing the proper foods is likely to be healthier for humans as well as for the environment, they say.
Mastering the basics"For people who really want to be healthy and take their nutrition as far as they can go, I think it's excellent, based on everything we know that's good for us," says Katherine Tallmadge, a Washington-based spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association.
But the healing pyramid's complexity could be daunting for some, Tallmadge adds.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture's latest version of the food pyramid is much simpler. Five vertical stripes represent grains, vegetables, fruits, milk, and meat and beans, while a figure runs up a set of stairs on the left side to emphasize the importance of physical activity. A few simple guidelines accompany each food group — for example, "make half your grains whole" and "bake it, broil it or grill it" for meats — and tell you how much to eat every day.
The USDA includes additional information on its Web site, mypyramid.gov, and also offers a personal, in-depth diet and physical activity assessment in My Pyramid Tracker.
"For someone that is just starting out as far as they want to improve their diet, they want to eat better, they don't know a lot about nutrition, I would definitely have them start with mypyramid.gov," says Michelle Johnson, an ADA spokesperson based in Phoenix. She said she considers the Healing Foods Pyramid to be a more advanced version that people could move up to once they've got the basics.
Mind what you eatJohnson says she likes the Healing Foods Pyramid's emphasis on "mindful eating," or taking the time to enjoy and savor your food. "There's been some good research showing that mindful eating is a pretty good tool for maintaining a healthy weight, in addition to choosing healthy foods," she says.
Mindful eating can also prevent digestive problems and help people who have such problems to cope with them, Myklebust notes. "Mindless eating," like bolting a burger behind the wheel, is something many of us do far too often, she adds, and our stomachs don't thank us for it.
Along with eating on the run, Myklebust says, people with gastroesophageal reflux and heartburn should consider avoiding tomatoes, citrus, high-fat foods, peppermint, coffee, chocolate and alcohol, all of which can weaken the sphincter separating the stomach from the esophagus, allowing acid backup.
Johnson suggests using the two pyramids together for tip-top nutritional benefit. "These are two good resources in the sea of bad information that you can find on the Internet when it comes to healthy nutrition," she says. "I really don't see anything conflicting about the two of them. I think they work very well together."
Besides, I was able to call my parental units and have received all sorts of "there there, we'll help take care of this" and all sorts of coddling and I am enough of a sap that it works. I try to convince myself that I should be a strong woman, able to take care of myself without having to call home any time something bad happens, but fuck it. This is historically the worst time of year for me and while I can take all sorts of abuse and keep it from affecting my professional life, there is no way in hell I can cope personally unless I vent in either my written or blog diary, and then have my family react in their predictable patterns. As I think about it, I really hope that I drop dead before my sister because otherwise I will never be able to cope with life.
A few years back, I did a review of all my old journals and day timers to prove a point/win an argument (depends on your perspective). I no longer have to chart thanks to a computer crash, but I was able to prove how every year for the past 15 (at the time), from my birthday until about New Years, my life resembled a flushing toilet. What was truly amazing is how it changed a few relationships. Those who saw the chart & diagrams have all started bracing for this period and the cards I get for my birthday usually include something about how it is almost the New Year, just hang on.
I spent some of today looking up cars and trying to get an idea of what I want seeing as how my current car has been trashed by a bunch of jackasses who deserve a painful death involving zombies, ants, and lots of knives and blood sucking leeches. Anyway, I have no idea is what it is I want sums up right now. All I know for 100% sure is that it will be a 5 speed manual, have a CD player, a/c is a must, along with the heater, good gas mileage, and prefer a small car because it is just me. That covers all I have decided. Huge list, eh? If anyone has suggestions, please submit them. I need help! I am in the position of being able to take my time & am planning on hitting the Christmas/New Year sales, partially because I am superstitious, but unlike the past few cars, I am doing this with something approaching a plan. I am terrified!
I have been thinking about Halloween - mostly because I can't avoid it. I really hate Halloween. I hate it more than I hate Valentine's Day, OK? I understand the thrill of getting free candy and all, but I have never ever once in my life looked forward to Halloween. There is something about this holiday that inspires great dread, fear and loathing in me. I want that understood before I go on. I have no real reason why I despise Halloween, because nothing bad has ever happened. Unless something happened in a past life, or is echoing down a metaphysical time line from the future, nothing bad should happen. Yet I detest Halloween and will get into screaming fights to make my point that I do not want to go out. (The grammar in those past few sentences is atrocious-sorry.)
Despite this deep seated loathing, I adore the religious aspects of Samhein and like delving into the different interpretations and histories of the holiday. I also enjoy listening to and reading about ghostly stories and the supernatural. In fact, if anyone wants a list of good stories, sources, etc., let me know. It will take me about 10 minutes to pull about 75 titles. As it is, I can recommend "Ghostly Tales of Japan," by Rafe Martin. Listening to that now. And if anyone wants to share, PLEASE! I love them! The spookier the better!
This lead in is so that I can share some of my experiences and tales others have told me over the years. I will be throwing them out at random intervals, so don't be surprised. As I am sure has become clear, I do my writing to kill time at work and I have A LOT of free time to kill.
The 1st tale is 1 that happened my 1st year of college and scared the crap out of all of us. I had a oujia board from a high school party and my roommates, some of their friends, and I were goofing around - like normal 17-19 year olds do. 1 of the "older" guys there said something about how we should try contacting this 1 entity he knew of from previous experiences. Being giggling morons trying to appear cool before the older guy, we complied. Nothing happened and since there was "food" to prepare for that nights drinking, we just sat it down on the coffee table and started prepping. Things went really weird at that point. The pointer started moving on its own. When 1 of the girls (not a roomie) noticed, she did the natural thing and screeched. No idea who it was, but man, she hit a note I did not think anyone outside of opera's could hit. One of my braver roommies, thanks to alcohol, laughed and tried to pick the board up to show the strings. Funnily enough, the pointer, board and table would not move. Amazing how quickly we all huddled into the kitchen. I can still remember that when we all were looking at that board on the pink table, huddled in this tiny kitchen, and 1 phone rings. This would not be so bad, but we were all quiet, no one had a cell phone then, and we had 1 phone line with 4 phones on it. But only 1 phone rang. I am sure it is a surprise, but we all jumped a foot and fell all over one another at that point. When 1 of the others picked up the phone, we all heard this truly vile laughter mixed with weird music. The phone was slammed down and that broke the self-induced mass hysteria. We all went out that night instead of staying in to watch movies, and we got all new phones within a week, but life went on. The oujia board ended up in the trash.
This next one, I will finish tomorrow, but here is the 1st part.
I was once told by an "interesting" soul all about their personal believes about the town I currently live in and that they have spent their entire live living in. He & his 2 sisters both firmly believed that the reason the town had such bizarre luck was that it was the desecrated remains of an ancient Indian burial ground. And the area their family home was in was a major part of this burial ground, which was why their house was so prone to hauntings.
Let me say, that if ever there was a family in need of serious counseling, Dr. Phil's personal attention, and Oprah's money, this family was it. The only son was not only hit by an elderly woman, but the elderly woman then backed over him, ran over him again, and then backed over him again. She still claims she never saw him and was confused by the fact that she did not recall there being any speed bumps on that road. He weighs well over 200 lbs, and stands over 6'. The father was literally born without an anus. The sisters have some distinctly unique interpretations of wicca and paganism. OK?
But before I go -
Here is an article and the mentioned links that I found killing time this afternoon. Kind of neat actually.
http://gerd.msn.com/article.aspx?aid=62>1=7121
http://www.med.umich.edu/umim/clinical/pyramid/
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
http://www.mypyramidtracker.gov/
The 'Healing Foods' pyramid
New healthful-foods guide includes chocolate, alcohol, tea
By Anne HardingSpecial to MSN
University of Michigan researchers have created a food pyramid with much more than your stomach in mind.
The colorful, 10-tier triangle, introduced in March, is based on two years of research into the power of foods to ward off and fight illnesses such as autoimmune conditions, chronic pain, cancer and heart disease, says Dr. Monica Myklebust, director of University of Michigan Integrative Medicine Clinical Services in Ann Arbor. Myklebust created the pyramid with Jenna Wunder, a nutritionist at the center.
"It seems to boil down to a certain number of essential points on how to eat to prevent and treat these conditions," explains Myklebust, a family physician who spent a two-year fellowship with University of Arizona integrative-medicine guru Dr. Andrew Weil. In a nutshell: Eat less meat and more plant products, enjoy a variety of foods and emphasize healthy fats.
Building blocksThe Healing Foods Pyramid is accessible on the Web at (Link) A click on each of the 12 building blocks that form the pyramid's 10 tiers brings up detailed information on the food group's benefits as well as recommended servings and portion sizes.
Water forms the base of the pyramid, followed by five tiers representing foods to be eaten daily: fruits and vegetables, grains, legumes, seasonings and healthy fats like olive oil, and eggs and dairy products. The next two tiers are fish and seafood and lean meats, to be eaten weekly. Next are chocolate, alcohol and tea, grouped as "accompaniments," all of which can benefit health when consumed in moderation. Finally, at the very tip, there's an empty triangle, reserved for a "special treat that is healing for you," to be indulged in occasionally.
Myklebust and Wunder emphasize buying organic foods whenever possible, purchasing meat and eggs from free-range animals, and avoiding meat and dairy products containing hormones. The section on fish also provides details on which seafoods should be avoided due to the risk of PCB or mercury contamination. Choosing the proper foods is likely to be healthier for humans as well as for the environment, they say.
Mastering the basics"For people who really want to be healthy and take their nutrition as far as they can go, I think it's excellent, based on everything we know that's good for us," says Katherine Tallmadge, a Washington-based spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association.
But the healing pyramid's complexity could be daunting for some, Tallmadge adds.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture's latest version of the food pyramid is much simpler. Five vertical stripes represent grains, vegetables, fruits, milk, and meat and beans, while a figure runs up a set of stairs on the left side to emphasize the importance of physical activity. A few simple guidelines accompany each food group — for example, "make half your grains whole" and "bake it, broil it or grill it" for meats — and tell you how much to eat every day.
The USDA includes additional information on its Web site, mypyramid.gov, and also offers a personal, in-depth diet and physical activity assessment in My Pyramid Tracker.
"For someone that is just starting out as far as they want to improve their diet, they want to eat better, they don't know a lot about nutrition, I would definitely have them start with mypyramid.gov," says Michelle Johnson, an ADA spokesperson based in Phoenix. She said she considers the Healing Foods Pyramid to be a more advanced version that people could move up to once they've got the basics.
Mind what you eatJohnson says she likes the Healing Foods Pyramid's emphasis on "mindful eating," or taking the time to enjoy and savor your food. "There's been some good research showing that mindful eating is a pretty good tool for maintaining a healthy weight, in addition to choosing healthy foods," she says.
Mindful eating can also prevent digestive problems and help people who have such problems to cope with them, Myklebust notes. "Mindless eating," like bolting a burger behind the wheel, is something many of us do far too often, she adds, and our stomachs don't thank us for it.
Along with eating on the run, Myklebust says, people with gastroesophageal reflux and heartburn should consider avoiding tomatoes, citrus, high-fat foods, peppermint, coffee, chocolate and alcohol, all of which can weaken the sphincter separating the stomach from the esophagus, allowing acid backup.
Johnson suggests using the two pyramids together for tip-top nutritional benefit. "These are two good resources in the sea of bad information that you can find on the Internet when it comes to healthy nutrition," she says. "I really don't see anything conflicting about the two of them. I think they work very well together."
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Grrrrrrrrr
Today started beautifully. Then I got in my car to come to work, and my day took a serious nose dive. Not only was I on my way to work on a freaking Sunday, but some moron broke into my poor abused 10 year old car and stole the stereo. What is really annoying is that they also took the well underneath the stereo that I had pens and small note pads and all that sort of stuff as well. This is just a perfect ending to a fucking perfect week.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Drivel
This week has been highly interesting. I can’t recommend anyone try duplicating it unless they really want to lose 10+ lbs over night & not be able to face food for the next week without wanting to hurl, but that is just my opinion.
I think the best part of being very ill is the lack of memory afterwards. I don’t mean you have no recollection of the period being ill, just that it’s all smashed together into a giant “urghk.” Any clear memories are absolutely crystal clear and usually pretty humorous. Like my 2 memories of the past few days. 1 memory is of lying on the bathroom floor having a wildlife moment and being grateful no one was around and cameras were all far away. I was lying there, being suitably gross with sweat pouring of me, heating pad doing its thing under my belly, and all 4 cats were licking the sweat of me, 2 nibbling, and all of them grumbling because I kept twitching. Or at least I think they were the source of the grumbles. It could have been my unhappy tummy.
My other memory is of watching exmi’s feet. I was still lying on the bathroom floor and I know we had an entire conversation but all I remember is seeing his old, beat up boots as he sat the heavenly ginger ale bottle down beside me.
Which reminds me, exmi, THANK YOU! I do not think I would have made it without a trip to the hospital if you hadn’t made the trip out with ginger ale and crackers. And the same goes to three-score. I definitely appreciate the call to check-up on me. And while I don’t remember it, I know that you will remind me of any horribly embarrassing comments I made while being all drool-ly and gross. Right? ;-)
Any who, I am at work and it is fortunately very quiet right now. As in, it is now after 12 noon, and there have been all of 5 people enter the building & 2 came in with that eternally annoying question – “Where’s the bathroom?” I REALLY hate that question. I know that I should not complain because that is about all I can handle today, but it is so incredibly annoying. I have managed to check stats, clean emails out, answer the phone, and generally waste a large chunk of this morning in a completely unproductive manner.
Had a bit of “excitement” a minute ago. A patron came in and told us all about a high speed chase involving a “big ol’ pick-up” and a “Ferrari-type car.” According to our witness, the truck was tail-gating the Ferrari-type car and the 2 were going about 65 in a 25 area and the entire police force got called in – all 6 of them. From what the witness then saw, the cops cut the truck of and yanked the truck driver out of the cab and arrested him. No clue – yet – on what the back story is but I am sure I will have it by Monday given the way gossip flows in this town. My guess is an unhappy husband/boyfriend got ticked off and chased wife/girlfriend and cops got called in. I hope I am wrong, but . . .
It amazes me what sort of nonsense my brain can come up with when I am spaced out and killing time. Like now, I am wondering why saltines are made into little squares? Why not rectangles? Who came up with drinking tea? Why aren’t we smoking tea and drinking tobacco? And who was the 1st saint to create hot chocolate? That is someone who deserves to be canonized, win the Nobel, Pulitzer, Emmy, Stanley Cup, all the Bowls, and any other prize you can name.
In the silly romance novels I devour like candy, why doesn’t anyone ever take a shower, go to the bathroom, or get sick unless it is part of the plot? Same goes for mysteries. I agree that reading about how someone retired to the library to read, have a smoke, and went to the bathroom is not all the exciting. I am not asking for that kind of detail. What I am asking for is a bit more realism in fluff fiction. Mascara running, lipstick smudged all over clothing, nails chipped if brick walls are any place in the scene (be it a fight or a sex scene), clothes messed up with sweat and dirt, that sort of thing. And why doesn’t anyone get an eye lash in there eye anymore? Or their contact slip? Not everyone has 20/20 vision!
Or if the couple in the romance novel just had blazing hot sex, outside, in the barn, and they go about the rest of the day without taking a shower? COME ON! Correct me if I have forgotten a few basics here (it has been several years after all), but when the sex is good, you tend to sweat. In the summer you are going to be sweating buckets anyway, and being outside, especially in the southeast? Sweat is a basic function with its own vocabulary. Bodily fluids are exchanged. And if you are outside, then there is dirt involved, or hay, sand, grit, whatever fits the locale. And once finished, going off to pick up your sibling/child/parent/whatever in that state is not something most sane adults are going to do. And I doubt if I am alone in this, but going to the bathroom afterwards is kind of a necessity. So who are these authors trying to kid?
And here is another point of nonexistent realism that gets me. When the heroine is still a virgin, I do not care how painless the 1st time is, it is going to be extraordinarily messy. So why does it seem like the 1st time is a moment of passing discomfort and then you pull your clothes back on and go about your day? I am starting to understand why my mother did not want me to read these as a kid.
And while I am on this rant, here is another physical improbability – but why are all these romance novel hero’s hung like gods? With magic hands that inspire orgasms on the 1st try? That one bothers me as well. I have had only 1 lover who managed to always get me to orgasm, usually multiple times, but from far too many conversations I know how exceptional that is. I (unfortunately) know women who have only had 2 +/- “REAL” orgasms in their entire life, and the 1st orgasm was why they married the man they now call their husband. That is not only deeply disturbing for many obvious reasons, but another reason I am not sure of the institution known as marriage.
A bit of politics now, I have been listening to the latest rumblings about the newest judicial nominee for the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers. Let me say that my 1st objection to her is that she looks like a dried apple. Superficial, yes, but that is why my gut reaction is a giant no. The next few layers of my objections revolve around the blatant cronyism going on. It is rather sad that she was chosen mostly because he knows her and likes her, NOT because of her work ethic, experience, morals, track record, or any of those other niggling details. I would hate having that sort of looming specter over my shoulder as I went in to work for the next 10-20 years.
Internationally, it will be interesting to see just how much aid Pakistan & the surrounding countries get for their horrendous natural disaster. Considering how many massive disasters have been hitting world wide, one right after the other, I also wonder how much more natural damage the world can sustain before total exhaustion sets in for the rescue crews. How many people are willing to be the 1st response teams in major disasters? Yes, the local teams are already in place and Lord help us all if those crews ever disappear, but how many cops, EMT’s, firemen, dr.’s, nurse’s, etc. are there willing to go do triage literally anywhere around the world? And just how many specialists are there in mudslide victim recovery? Or fire rescues? Or flood rescues? Or earthquakes? There are only so many people in this field and they have to be exhausted after 9/11, then the tsunami, then Katrina, then Rita, and now the earthquake. That is not counting all the “smaller” disasters that these dedicated souls have responded to. I admire and applaud these people, even if I do not share their dedication to mankind. But when will they catch a break?
Some fun now –
I copied this from Slap Dash Thoughts and my answer is chocolate cake with chocolate icing. Though I must admit it was a REALLY hard choice between that and the brownies. ;-)
What Kind of Cake Are You?
Pick ONE dessert from the list below, then look to see what psychiatrists think about you!
After taking this dessert personality test.
If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose?
(Sorry, you can only pick one!)
Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla Cake / Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate Cake / Chocolate Icing
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake
Blueberry Pie a la mode
NO. You can't change your mind! So think carefully what your choice will be! And no peeking!!!
OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you!
Angel food - Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.
Brownies - You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
Lemon Meringue - Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.
Vanilla Cake / Chocolate Icing - Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not Very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.
Strawberry Short Cake - Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional and annoying at times.
Chocolate Cake / Chocolate Icing - Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
Ice Cream - You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.
Carrot Cake - You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.
Blueberry Pie a la mode - You are a person who is over the top. Spontaneous and fun loving. Very caring and always willing to help out a friend or stranger. Have to be careful of overextending yourself.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. "UNDERSTANDING WOMEN(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes. "He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.”( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee. "Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee. "Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
I think the best part of being very ill is the lack of memory afterwards. I don’t mean you have no recollection of the period being ill, just that it’s all smashed together into a giant “urghk.” Any clear memories are absolutely crystal clear and usually pretty humorous. Like my 2 memories of the past few days. 1 memory is of lying on the bathroom floor having a wildlife moment and being grateful no one was around and cameras were all far away. I was lying there, being suitably gross with sweat pouring of me, heating pad doing its thing under my belly, and all 4 cats were licking the sweat of me, 2 nibbling, and all of them grumbling because I kept twitching. Or at least I think they were the source of the grumbles. It could have been my unhappy tummy.
My other memory is of watching exmi’s feet. I was still lying on the bathroom floor and I know we had an entire conversation but all I remember is seeing his old, beat up boots as he sat the heavenly ginger ale bottle down beside me.
Which reminds me, exmi, THANK YOU! I do not think I would have made it without a trip to the hospital if you hadn’t made the trip out with ginger ale and crackers. And the same goes to three-score. I definitely appreciate the call to check-up on me. And while I don’t remember it, I know that you will remind me of any horribly embarrassing comments I made while being all drool-ly and gross. Right? ;-)
Any who, I am at work and it is fortunately very quiet right now. As in, it is now after 12 noon, and there have been all of 5 people enter the building & 2 came in with that eternally annoying question – “Where’s the bathroom?” I REALLY hate that question. I know that I should not complain because that is about all I can handle today, but it is so incredibly annoying. I have managed to check stats, clean emails out, answer the phone, and generally waste a large chunk of this morning in a completely unproductive manner.
Had a bit of “excitement” a minute ago. A patron came in and told us all about a high speed chase involving a “big ol’ pick-up” and a “Ferrari-type car.” According to our witness, the truck was tail-gating the Ferrari-type car and the 2 were going about 65 in a 25 area and the entire police force got called in – all 6 of them. From what the witness then saw, the cops cut the truck of and yanked the truck driver out of the cab and arrested him. No clue – yet – on what the back story is but I am sure I will have it by Monday given the way gossip flows in this town. My guess is an unhappy husband/boyfriend got ticked off and chased wife/girlfriend and cops got called in. I hope I am wrong, but . . .
It amazes me what sort of nonsense my brain can come up with when I am spaced out and killing time. Like now, I am wondering why saltines are made into little squares? Why not rectangles? Who came up with drinking tea? Why aren’t we smoking tea and drinking tobacco? And who was the 1st saint to create hot chocolate? That is someone who deserves to be canonized, win the Nobel, Pulitzer, Emmy, Stanley Cup, all the Bowls, and any other prize you can name.
In the silly romance novels I devour like candy, why doesn’t anyone ever take a shower, go to the bathroom, or get sick unless it is part of the plot? Same goes for mysteries. I agree that reading about how someone retired to the library to read, have a smoke, and went to the bathroom is not all the exciting. I am not asking for that kind of detail. What I am asking for is a bit more realism in fluff fiction. Mascara running, lipstick smudged all over clothing, nails chipped if brick walls are any place in the scene (be it a fight or a sex scene), clothes messed up with sweat and dirt, that sort of thing. And why doesn’t anyone get an eye lash in there eye anymore? Or their contact slip? Not everyone has 20/20 vision!
Or if the couple in the romance novel just had blazing hot sex, outside, in the barn, and they go about the rest of the day without taking a shower? COME ON! Correct me if I have forgotten a few basics here (it has been several years after all), but when the sex is good, you tend to sweat. In the summer you are going to be sweating buckets anyway, and being outside, especially in the southeast? Sweat is a basic function with its own vocabulary. Bodily fluids are exchanged. And if you are outside, then there is dirt involved, or hay, sand, grit, whatever fits the locale. And once finished, going off to pick up your sibling/child/parent/whatever in that state is not something most sane adults are going to do. And I doubt if I am alone in this, but going to the bathroom afterwards is kind of a necessity. So who are these authors trying to kid?
And here is another point of nonexistent realism that gets me. When the heroine is still a virgin, I do not care how painless the 1st time is, it is going to be extraordinarily messy. So why does it seem like the 1st time is a moment of passing discomfort and then you pull your clothes back on and go about your day? I am starting to understand why my mother did not want me to read these as a kid.
And while I am on this rant, here is another physical improbability – but why are all these romance novel hero’s hung like gods? With magic hands that inspire orgasms on the 1st try? That one bothers me as well. I have had only 1 lover who managed to always get me to orgasm, usually multiple times, but from far too many conversations I know how exceptional that is. I (unfortunately) know women who have only had 2 +/- “REAL” orgasms in their entire life, and the 1st orgasm was why they married the man they now call their husband. That is not only deeply disturbing for many obvious reasons, but another reason I am not sure of the institution known as marriage.
A bit of politics now, I have been listening to the latest rumblings about the newest judicial nominee for the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers. Let me say that my 1st objection to her is that she looks like a dried apple. Superficial, yes, but that is why my gut reaction is a giant no. The next few layers of my objections revolve around the blatant cronyism going on. It is rather sad that she was chosen mostly because he knows her and likes her, NOT because of her work ethic, experience, morals, track record, or any of those other niggling details. I would hate having that sort of looming specter over my shoulder as I went in to work for the next 10-20 years.
Internationally, it will be interesting to see just how much aid Pakistan & the surrounding countries get for their horrendous natural disaster. Considering how many massive disasters have been hitting world wide, one right after the other, I also wonder how much more natural damage the world can sustain before total exhaustion sets in for the rescue crews. How many people are willing to be the 1st response teams in major disasters? Yes, the local teams are already in place and Lord help us all if those crews ever disappear, but how many cops, EMT’s, firemen, dr.’s, nurse’s, etc. are there willing to go do triage literally anywhere around the world? And just how many specialists are there in mudslide victim recovery? Or fire rescues? Or flood rescues? Or earthquakes? There are only so many people in this field and they have to be exhausted after 9/11, then the tsunami, then Katrina, then Rita, and now the earthquake. That is not counting all the “smaller” disasters that these dedicated souls have responded to. I admire and applaud these people, even if I do not share their dedication to mankind. But when will they catch a break?
Some fun now –
I copied this from Slap Dash Thoughts and my answer is chocolate cake with chocolate icing. Though I must admit it was a REALLY hard choice between that and the brownies. ;-)
What Kind of Cake Are You?
Pick ONE dessert from the list below, then look to see what psychiatrists think about you!
After taking this dessert personality test.
If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose?
(Sorry, you can only pick one!)
Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla Cake / Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate Cake / Chocolate Icing
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake
Blueberry Pie a la mode
NO. You can't change your mind! So think carefully what your choice will be! And no peeking!!!
OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you!
Angel food - Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.
Brownies - You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
Lemon Meringue - Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.
Vanilla Cake / Chocolate Icing - Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not Very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.
Strawberry Short Cake - Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional and annoying at times.
Chocolate Cake / Chocolate Icing - Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
Ice Cream - You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.
Carrot Cake - You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.
Blueberry Pie a la mode - You are a person who is over the top. Spontaneous and fun loving. Very caring and always willing to help out a friend or stranger. Have to be careful of overextending yourself.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. "UNDERSTANDING WOMEN(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes. "He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.”( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee. "Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee. "Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Some Total B.S.
I had a long spell of sitting in the doctor's office yesterday and had plenty of time to contemplate my navel. I was also able to contemplate the generic soda machine, but my navel was vastly more entertaining after the 1st 1/2 hour or so.
Anyway, to have something else to think of, I let my mind wander down the aisle marked "who was it that (fill in the blank)." Some of the answers I would like include:
Who was it that decided that the missionary position was the standard position for sex? I mean, what sort of survey could be conducted? Especially 100's of years ago when the missionary position was 1st decreed to be the legally moral, safe position? Preferably with the lights out, curtains drawn, door locked, and sheets above your head, but there you go. Personally, I can not imagine Solomon or David of biblical fame restrained themselves to the missionary Position, but I wasn't there and I really hope that there are NOT any records.
And what are people really going to tell you at any point in history? In today's society, surveys are completely anonymous, but not too long ago, it was your confessor asking you questions. I do not know about anyone else, but looking my friendly neighborhood priest in the eye as he asked me what my favorite sexual position is just not going to happen. For me, it would be even worse if it was a nun because I went to catholic schools for the most part. "Nuns" and "sex" are 2 things that I just can't easily put in the same sentence. It hurts my brain, ya know? And if it was the so called community leadership, or the lord of the manor, yeah, right! There was lots of honesty in that conversation!
So I wonder, just who was it & how did he/they decide that the missionary position was the safe, legal, moral standard? And why not something else?
Next, I want to know who guzzled the 1st beer? Or glass of wine? Port? Ale? Your favorite alcoholic beverage? Think about it! Alcohol is basically the leftovers of wheat or grapes gone bad. So who was the poor stiff who decided that stuff floating on the top of the urn smelled pretty good, they were thirsty anyway, so why not? Was it a bet? Someone trapped in a cave with supplies & they were desperate? What?
Also, who was it that dug up a potato, beet, carrot, whatever, and ate it? Imagine the bravery involved in being the sucker who took the bet. We still do it, usually at frat parties & the tastes are all pretty well known, but think about being the 1st person to ever eat a potato. Or a gold fish. And who was it that decided to cover cod fish in lye (lutefish) and then serve it up as a delicacy? Or kimchi, the ultimate in rotten cabbage? Monkey brains? Pig brains? Brains in general?
I am curious to know who was the 1st scientist who created pasta? Mainly so I can recommend them for sainthood. I might avoid that stuff like the plague, but it does not change the fact that breads in any form are 1 of the greatest food groups.
And who was the brave soul to bring home that burning branch to their cave? And what sort of reception did they have from their fellow cave dwellers?
For that matter, who was the idiot who started playing their flute to keep the snakes from biting them? And how did they get in to the situation that they got to try the experiment?
There were other items I wondered about, but I started snoozing about this point, waiting my turn, and I can't remember the rest.
Now for an update on the latest dog to invite itself in. She is a complete and utter ham. She is beyond ham in fact. She did a pretty good job snowballing me for a while, but she hasn't quite figured out how to maintain an act. Once I got her reasonably clean, I have to revise my guess of her heritage. I still THINK she is part hound, but a golden retriever/lab is definitely part of the mix as well. She is definitely a nervous dog and has serious separation issues, but she & the other 2 dogs have established who is who on the totem pole. She is at the bottom. The elderly statesman of the group is a good sort who will let her bounce over him while he chews his bones. The top dog of the bunch enjoys having someone of the same size to rough house with and tends to chew on Zoe. Zoe is ecstatic because she is not alone and that is all that matters in her world.
I know that I need to take her to the shelter because I flat-out cannot afford another animal. I hate the thought of abandoning any animal, and she is a sweet dog who has already been abandoned. She is young, already has a basic obedience education, eager to be with her human and/or pack, and generally just cute. But I can't afford to feed myself! ARRRGH!
Anyway, to have something else to think of, I let my mind wander down the aisle marked "who was it that (fill in the blank)." Some of the answers I would like include:
Who was it that decided that the missionary position was the standard position for sex? I mean, what sort of survey could be conducted? Especially 100's of years ago when the missionary position was 1st decreed to be the legally moral, safe position? Preferably with the lights out, curtains drawn, door locked, and sheets above your head, but there you go. Personally, I can not imagine Solomon or David of biblical fame restrained themselves to the missionary Position, but I wasn't there and I really hope that there are NOT any records.
And what are people really going to tell you at any point in history? In today's society, surveys are completely anonymous, but not too long ago, it was your confessor asking you questions. I do not know about anyone else, but looking my friendly neighborhood priest in the eye as he asked me what my favorite sexual position is just not going to happen. For me, it would be even worse if it was a nun because I went to catholic schools for the most part. "Nuns" and "sex" are 2 things that I just can't easily put in the same sentence. It hurts my brain, ya know? And if it was the so called community leadership, or the lord of the manor, yeah, right! There was lots of honesty in that conversation!
So I wonder, just who was it & how did he/they decide that the missionary position was the safe, legal, moral standard? And why not something else?
Next, I want to know who guzzled the 1st beer? Or glass of wine? Port? Ale? Your favorite alcoholic beverage? Think about it! Alcohol is basically the leftovers of wheat or grapes gone bad. So who was the poor stiff who decided that stuff floating on the top of the urn smelled pretty good, they were thirsty anyway, so why not? Was it a bet? Someone trapped in a cave with supplies & they were desperate? What?
Also, who was it that dug up a potato, beet, carrot, whatever, and ate it? Imagine the bravery involved in being the sucker who took the bet. We still do it, usually at frat parties & the tastes are all pretty well known, but think about being the 1st person to ever eat a potato. Or a gold fish. And who was it that decided to cover cod fish in lye (lutefish) and then serve it up as a delicacy? Or kimchi, the ultimate in rotten cabbage? Monkey brains? Pig brains? Brains in general?
I am curious to know who was the 1st scientist who created pasta? Mainly so I can recommend them for sainthood. I might avoid that stuff like the plague, but it does not change the fact that breads in any form are 1 of the greatest food groups.
And who was the brave soul to bring home that burning branch to their cave? And what sort of reception did they have from their fellow cave dwellers?
For that matter, who was the idiot who started playing their flute to keep the snakes from biting them? And how did they get in to the situation that they got to try the experiment?
There were other items I wondered about, but I started snoozing about this point, waiting my turn, and I can't remember the rest.
Now for an update on the latest dog to invite itself in. She is a complete and utter ham. She is beyond ham in fact. She did a pretty good job snowballing me for a while, but she hasn't quite figured out how to maintain an act. Once I got her reasonably clean, I have to revise my guess of her heritage. I still THINK she is part hound, but a golden retriever/lab is definitely part of the mix as well. She is definitely a nervous dog and has serious separation issues, but she & the other 2 dogs have established who is who on the totem pole. She is at the bottom. The elderly statesman of the group is a good sort who will let her bounce over him while he chews his bones. The top dog of the bunch enjoys having someone of the same size to rough house with and tends to chew on Zoe. Zoe is ecstatic because she is not alone and that is all that matters in her world.
I know that I need to take her to the shelter because I flat-out cannot afford another animal. I hate the thought of abandoning any animal, and she is a sweet dog who has already been abandoned. She is young, already has a basic obedience education, eager to be with her human and/or pack, and generally just cute. But I can't afford to feed myself! ARRRGH!
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