Wowsers

I know that my posting has become ridiculously sporatic. All I can say is that I have a new appreciation for mothers. I have been running 24/7 since I took this job and I am amazed to report that I am loving it. I have laughed more in the past 3 months than I have over the past 13 years. My personal stress levels are down, my temper has evened out to an astonishing degree. I no longer have bouts of semi-suicidal despondency. I am enjoying life again. But I am still stunned, amazed, and in awe of mothers.

I do not know how a normal family does it. In this situation, with so many conflicting responsibilities, errands, and play dates, school demands, work demands. personal demands, I know that my role in this family is necessary. But how do families pull it off in todays world? You need the extended friends & family to make life work if you have children, because there are those nights when the oldest has baseball, the goungest has soccer, mom has a meeting down town & dad has to be out of town (personalize as you need). SO how does dinner get cooked, everyone get where they need to be, and still have time to be a family? Without extended family & friends, taxi drivers, nannies, it would be fat out impossible.

Beyond this world of need that I am being introduced to, life is pretty good. I am sincerely enjoying the fun that I have been having. I have been to everything from a dinner theater to school fairs. Some I could live without, ohers I will return to as often as I can. The dinner theater is definitely 1 of those. It has been nice to be able to sleep at night and not worry.

PSA

I am posting this because of something that happened on another blog, as well as something I ran into A LOT at my next to last position as a library branch manager. For those who are on limited financial resources, go to your library and do not just look at the shelves. Look at their online catalogue. It is astonishing how many items are not physically in the building you are in. Most local branches are part of a much larger system. This translates into more buying power. Each library does not need a copy of the book because the multiple copies they do buy circulate between the patrons who do want the book.

For example, a fellow blogger, exmi, recently posted how the local branch of the Georgia library system does not have a book he is waiting on. All he has to do is simply go online, log in using his library card number & pass word helpfully supplied by the local branch, and place a hold on the book. It will arrive from 1 of the many libraries in the PINES system. It might take a while to arrive because it is a reasonably new book he wants, but since the PINES system is 90% of GA, the odds are fairly good he will get the book in a few weeks.

The Weather

This weather stuff is really odd to me of late. I talk to my mother & sister, who gloat about their 80 degree weather. I step outside and whimper in this 40 degree weather. It is cold and raining and it sucks big time.

Anyway, life is pretty good. I went yesterday to see a great cheesy movie - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I took the 7 year old I take care because a) he is on spring break & b) he earned a movie, unlike his little brother who is having serious adjustment issues at this time. But anyway, the movie was absolutely hilarious. What was rather bittersweet for lack of a better term was that as I sat there, laughing, watching the 7 yr old enjoy the movie, I was able to recognize almost every line, every motion, every plot twist from at least 5 other books/plays/movies/tv shows.

On the intellectual level it was rather nice to recognize all that I did, but it was kind of depressing because it means I read too much. I mean, when I recognize lines straight from Shakespeare, other Disney movies, the Bible, the Three Stoogies, Monty Python, Dante, David Drake, & those are just the moments I remember, it is kind of depressing. I know that nothing new has been written since the Bible, but still . . .

I'm Steill Here

Wowsers, there have been just a few changes since I last posted. Among others, I am now a nanny/housekeeper in Ohio. Talk about a major career change!

It has been a month plus and I can say that I have been enjoying myself. I have not laughed this much in literally a decade. I have actually been embarrassed too! Since the past few years have been nothing but frustration and angst, I actually enjoyed the mild embarrassment. Now all I have to do is remember my technicl skills with those ridiculous household appliances like electric can openers, and I will be set.

Seriously life has improved for me. I am busy and yet I have time, like now, to kick back and play on the computer. Granted, I am also helping 1 of my charges with an educational computer game, but I do not need that much attention to help him spell words like "mall," and "tail."

The drive up here was absolutely nerve wracking however. I dread to the point of nightmares the day I go back to SC for my furniture, books, general stuff, and drive back to Ohio. Only about 12 hours drive time, but since I currently drive a 2000 S-type Jaguar, a 20 foot UHaul is going to be a MASSIVE change. (And for my friends who've known, don't you like how I worked that in?)

The next 2-3 years will be interesting, but it is an opportunity to decide just what and where I want for myself. I know the general, vague, outline, but finding information on monastic orders that welcome women here in the grand old USA is surprisingly difficult. I keep finding orders that focus on community se3rvice and education, when I want a more contemplative order. Cripes, I would love one that deals with refilling ink cartridges or produces gourmet foods, or whatever, but those are male orders. I am not about to have a sex change just to join. Silly of me, but it is a quirk.

On the flip side of that particular goal, the match making efforts have me pursueing a train of thought that I never really had before. But just what do I want/look for in a potential lover? Thanks to several late conversations with a bit of wine to help the conversational flow, I have realized that not only have I never really thought about it, but I rarely look, and try to avoid the entire issue. On the emotonal side, it is because I have some major trust issues. The number of people I actually trust is ridiculously small. There is a longer list of people I trust to react certain ways, but actually trust enough to share a bed with? HA!

Anyway, thanks to these conversations I realized again that looks play the smallest role. I mean that while there are several things that are an automatic "EEEWWW!" for me, I have no preference for blond, brunette, or bald. Just that they have a hair line and it does not stop at their feet. Hairy bodies do NOTHING for me. Then there is smell. The people I deal with either do not register with me or have a pleasant smell so I do not mind spending time with them. But there have been many people over the years whose personal body scent literally curdled my stomache.

OOOPS! Need to head out the door. More later.

Does "fucking hell no!" mean anything?

Snakes help soothe the joints at spa
Fri Jan 26, 10:02 AM ET
Hold the Dead Sea salts and tea-tree oil. An Israeli health and beauty spa has introduced a new treatment to its menu -- snake massage.
For 300 shekels ($70), clients at Ada Barak's spa in northern Israel can add a wild twist to their treatment by having six non-venomous but very lively serpents slither and hiss a path across their aching muscles and stiff joints.
"I'm actually afraid of snakes, but the therapeutic effects are really good," customer Liz Cohen told Reuters Television as Barak let the snakes loose on her body.
Barak uses California and Florida king snakes, corn snakes and milk snakes in her treatments, which she said were inspired by her belief that once people get over any initial misgivings, they find physical contact with the creatures to be soothing.

I found this on yahoo and EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW! sounds about right. And I like snakes!

Here is a bit of trivia that absolutely boggles me. I just went with my sister to the local tech school. There, at the cosmetology department, we got our hair cut. It cost us each $5 for a wash, cut, and dry. Each time I have gone to a tech school to get my hair cut, in SC, PA, AL, or GA, I have loved my hair afterwards. It is a good cut and while slow, the experience was a positive one.

But on the flip side, I have been to pricey salons - places like Belks, Parisans, Organika, various day spa's, etc. I have paid any where from $15 to $100 for a hair cut. Yet most of those experiences left me in tears or just a simple shrug of my shoulders because my hair was no longer in my eyes & I was in & out in less than 30 minutes.

So why is it that I enjoy the experience & the actual cut better when I go to the school and yet when I go to a salon, I went home & cried at the butchering they just did on my hair? Can anyone explain that mystery?

Anyway, I am excited! I am going to go visit a friend in the chilly wilds of Ohio. Since I am currently wearing shorts & a flannel shirt with all the windows & doors open, I think I am going to freeze when I get off the plane in Ohio. Could be wrong, but . . .

In my morning walks, 1 of the topics I have been contemplating is my future. I hate being so clueless and feeling this hamstrung. I know that I want out. I know there are a few doors currently opened for me. I know that I want to walk through them. I am also afraid of what my mother will do/say and what will happen to my sister and nephew. I hate the thought of leaving her here with my mother. But I can not see any other option, especially since a lot of the thank you, but no thank you letters that I have called to follow up on have said that part of the reason I was not selected was because I was not located"in a "more advantageous" location. Since Beaufort, SC is not a mecca of industry, I am not surprised. I want to relocate. But without a job, how am I too afford the relocation? Catch-22 strikes again, and it sucks big time.

It's Hot!

I am amazed to be writing this, but I am actually wearing shorts. It is January 15th, and I am wearing shorts and a light t-shirt. It is perfect weather for it. But it is January 15th! I am confused! Isn't supposed to be cold? Did I miss a memo or something?

I am feeling bleck today. I was at work and it was yet another fun and exciting day. I do enjoy the job, but I really and truly do wish that I made more so that I could move out. I want a shower. A real shower. With space and actual room. Oh well. Some day.

Has anyone else been following the confusing case of the 2 boys re-united with their families? 1 kidnapped a few years ago & the other a few days ago? Can anyone help me understand why these boys did nothing to get back to their real families? I admit that I want to run away from mine on a routine basis, but that's just a bit over the top. In other words, I am really confused as to just what was happening and Stockholm syndrom does not cover it in my book.

It's A New Year

It has been an interesting week here in SC. It has been in the freakin' 70's! I know it is silly of me, especially since I can not tolerate the cold, but this just feels wrong.

Anyway, I have been reveling is wearing shorts in January so I guess life is pretty good for me.

Otherwise, I have trying to think about the future and realizing just how screwed I am. I know that I have options, but some of them are down right scary, while others require disappointing my mother & father, something that falls under "hard to o, even though I do it routinely." And in the scenario's I see, the hardest part lies in how unhappy my mother will be and how it will effect my sister & nephew. I REALLY want to be an orphan about now.

Not really, but while scarier, life would be simpler. I would not hurt anyone else and I would know that there is no one else to rely on. That is also a remarkably depressing statement and what it says about my mental outlook is even more depressing. So I will ignore it and go on with my point.

The options that I can see open before me at this point in time.

1 - I can continue working at the Garden Gate, accept some of the house/pet sitting offers I have been approached on, and keep job hunting several hours each day. Eventually something will come through and I will go from there.

2 - Basically the same as option 1, but instead of several hours daily, only a 1 day per week with the rest of the week being devoted to writing. Give myself 5 years to become a published author and/or gainfully employed with benefits.

3 - I can talk with my father & move in to his guest house & start over in Alabama.

4 - I can talk to various friends and move further North and try there.

It really scares me because I have no idea what to do. And the worst is that my mother really wants me to stay here and help out with my sister & nephew. Since I want my sister and nephew to have a good life & since she can not drive due to epilepsy, it is even further conflicted. I do not know what to do, but I think I am going to start writing short stories again & see if I can get them published. Who knows?

Any way I look at it, I am scared and have no clue what to do. All I do know is that I want to move out and be alone.