This Is What Happens When I Think & Drive

Yesterday I had my rotating Friday off so I ran errands. Probably the biggest being grocery shopping since I have managed to eat everything in the house and have nothing but empty, dusty cupboards.

But while driving around my brain was unusually active and came up with an interesting train of thought. This all makes a weird sort of sense, but as I review it, I can tell where I had to stop for a red light and when I was waiting at "X."

I started of my driving by remembering all the reasons I am supposed to like this town and ended up reviewing memorable moments. One is an evil moment in my life. The day started off in its normal way. Class and work, and generally being grateful it was the weekend. My beloved roommate and I had been invited to a BYOB party. We were among the select who would be given alcohol because I had been an idiot and agreed to be the model for our hosts latest artistic effort. It is was a rather unusual moment in my life. Being smeared from the neck down in vaseline, covered in a granny gown, bending backwards, latching onto the bottom of a box spring mattress, and then staying that way as cold, wet, dripping pieces of cloth soaked in plaster of paris are draped over me in a nice hot sunny room - and then staying that way until the plaster set - is a memory I will feel for the next few decades.

At the party, we indulged in a delightful mix involving watermelons. I honestly have no memory what else was thrown in that blender, but my true appreciation for watermelon stems from this night. Anyway, we drank way too much and there was no way either of us was going to walk, let alone drive, any where. So my roommate poured me in to bed after my normal 3 drinks and then sat down for a long conversation with our host. Eventually, they both joined me.

Keep your minds out of the gutter. We were all fully clothed and I at least was completely wasted. I never have had a tolerance for alcohol and I had definitely had way too much that night. My usual limit is a glass of wine and THAT makes me tipsy, all right? And besides, it was our hosts bed that I was past out in & I was doing my best drooling log impression in the center. They used me as a divider and went to sleep themselves.

The evilness began several hours later when our hosts girlfriend walks in to find the 3 of us all snuggled together under the covers. I can still remember the wide eyed, tight lipped look on her face and how she asked if she could speak to him in the living room. Since I was currently at the bottom of this pile of puppies, I can only imagine how it looked to her, but it sure wasn't good. Especially since there was an industrial size container of vaseline sitting open - and obviously well used - on the bedside table.

So, after some fumbling around, he left to calm her down. My roommie & I came out from under the covers, got freshened up, and followed. Since she was gone by the time we ambled downstairs, the 3 of us went to Waffle House for a late brunch. We were teasing the poor guy unmercifully, digging for the juicy gossip, when SHE walks in the door. Well, my roommie has a wonderful flair for acting and she decided to feed the poor girls worst impressions. I, being the willing participant that I can be, caught on remarkably quickly considering how hung over I was, and joined in.

The most beautiful moment was when my roommie kept fidgeting in the seat and remarked how she kept sliding because the vaseline was smeared all over her ass. My follow up was a snicker and something about how it was going to be impossible to get out of our hair. Soon after that, the poor soon-to-be-ex girlfriend left and never came back. Our host just kept eating and never even bothered to shrug. I always wondered what happened between them, but he soon graduated and went to Atlanta for a job.

From there, I went to an even older memory about how my undergraduate fiance became my ex. I'm not sure how my train of thought went on this, but I guess its the relationship between humorous pains in the ass moments. The poor guy was just being himself when I realized there was no way in hell I would marry him. I know that I was doing an excellent impression of an emotional ostrich through the entirety of our relationship, but I had not realized how far into the ground I had buried myself.

We were at his parents, discussing our upcoming nuptials when I found out that my parents would have no role in my wedding. For some reason I was a bit taken aback by this statement and I know his mother was as well. It was about a month after that conversation that I finally had enough and said goodbye. It took another 2 years for him to realize I was serious. I take responsibility for that. I never sat down with him and just told him the flat out, ugly truth. I hate doing that under any circumstances and after 5 years of sleeping through sex, I realized that I could not keep ignoring the issues. So I ignored him instead and never responded to most of his attempts to communicate, beyond whining to anyone and everyone about his cards and how they were really over the top. Eventually he did find someone and married her. My life has been vastly improved since then.

Then I went to the idea that my allergies really make it impossible for me to keep living here, or to move to a large city. I am by nature not the sort to go bed hopping, but thanks to the fact that I am allergic to latex, - and a rash "down there" is not a good thing, ya know? - the number of reasons to avoid bars and be anything but 1 of those ridiculous born again virgins keeps increasing. It is bad enough that I live in a college town and have been there and done the college experience, but I am not after my Mrs. degree either. I keep trying to think of how to find someone who will be little more than a fuck buddy, but since it is not a thought that I devote a lot of time and attention to, my ideas are fairly limited.

I am not going to start bed hopping. Mostly because I am not the type, but also because 1) I am not going to demand 3 separate physical exams from anyone just so I can get laid; 2) my allergies require that I do ask for physician clearance cause a rash is not on any of my preferred lists; 3) I have read too many true crime/horror/thriller novels and my luck tends towards freaks so between my imagination and luck, I have trust issues; and 4) my tastes are a bit on the perverse side and that falls under the trust issues again.

I kind of envy those who are willing to trust to luck that whomever they end up in bed with that night is not only going to be good, but is going to be sane and physically healthy. My luck has been strange enough that, mixed with what I have read, I am not sure what it would take for me to be receptive. And there are days like the past 2 when a night of mindless fucking sounds really appealing.

Days like yesterday while driving around when all I really wanted to think about was the feel of a man's shoulders under my hands, and the sensation of being kissed and the list goes on. Thinking about sex while driving is really the only way I keep myself entertained when I forget my CD's, a book on CD, or even worse, there is nothing on the radio. And it really does not help that I am bored here at work and have nothing to do till next Wednesday. Oh well. I will keep this posting as close to PG as I can. Not as if I am going to actually say yes to anyone. Though I have to wonder if a trip to 1 of the local bars in Savannah were the military hangs out would be worth the effort. ;-)

This is the point when I had the blindingly obvious revelation that it is fear that drives so many to marry during their high school and college years. Fear of being alone and never getting laid. I have never understood this fear because I like being alone. I like not having to worry about morning breath or any of the like. I can't even understand why the fear of never getting laid is so looming because while I have had some absolutely incredible sex, I have also had a sex were I literally slept through it.

And what is the deal with having children? That is another subject that I can't understand. I have heard all the reasons given forth about caring on a heritage/name/tradition, wanting to know that there is a new person that you created who makes up you and your spouse, wanting a child desperately, etc. But I do not understand bankrupting yourself or making yourself look like a fool over marriage or kids. But in my blinding moment of revealing the obvious, part of it seems to be some form of fear of being alone. Why it has taken me so long to reach this obvious revelation is beyond me, but there you have it.

And then, I got home and had to put groceries away, feed the animals, gripe about how I need to really clean, and finally get something to eat.

That is when I started watching movies and reading. I watched The Transporter first. I love that movie, mainly because that is a man I can watch over and over again. The fact that it is a fun flick is the other reason I appreciate the flick. Because I have seen the movie a few dozen times, I read a romance novel by Jayne Ann Krentz - Shield's Lady. Typical romance and if you like the genre, she is 1 of my favorite light reading authors.

I then put in The Wedding Date. Do not waste your time. It was a cute movie but I am so glad that I got it from work for free. There were several cute moments, but I read The Never War, Book 3 of the Pendragon Series by D. J. MacHale. That is a series for those who appreciate Zelany's onion theory of reality. It is not as complex as Zelany's Amber series by any means, and there is a definite right from wrong theme, but the stories are fun and the situations are hard to determine what the right choice is. From this 1, the main character has the chance to alter history and either make WWII worse than it was or never happen. All it takes is 1 simple decision.

In his shoes, I don't know if I could have even made the decision.

Once I finished the movie, rather than listen to the music play over and over again, I decided to put in the Bollywood version of Pride and Prejudice - Bride and Prejudice. I had no idea I would love this movie as much as I do. The music, the general level of fun, the costumes, all added up to a movie I will end up eventually adding to my personal collection because it really was a fun, clean movie based on 1 of my favorite novels. The fact that it was kept clean actually added to the appeal for me. Cripes, the closest they came to kissing is when 1 of the men kissed a woman's hand or forehead. As sweet as the kisses on the forehead are, a kiss on the palm of the hand is incredibly romantic and erotic if done right.

About half way through this, exmi showed up with Chinese for dinner. We watched the rest of the movie and he laughed at my girlie girl gushing.

Then we had a complete change. We popped in Sin City. Does "WHOA!" mean anything to anyone? Do not get me wrong. I like the movie. Tarantino is 1 of my favorite's. There was not a moment of the movie that did not have me on the edge of my seat. My eyes frequently went buggy. But wowsers! Some of the scenes went beyond disturbing and straight into Lovecraft-type horror. Zombie Slayer has a review that gives more credit details, and he had a vastly different appreciation for some of the actresses than I did. What I found truly fascinating though was the lighting/special effects. The way the eyes were dramatized was incredible. If you will pardon the pun, the eye for detail was impressive.

By this point it was after 11 and since I need sleep if I am to get through work, he went home and I crashed. My dreams were rather screwy but I can't remember them at all. Thank God.

The last bit of trivia for today's post comes from this mornings drive to work. I listen to NPR in the morning. This morning they had a piece on a kids book I am putting in to Acquisitions here at work, and suggesting to several teachers and home school parents for young kids. My Body Works story on NPR is the link if anyone is interested. The bit I heard sounded like a good resource for parents and teachers, and makes me wish there was a way to have them come to local schools here.