Some humor

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
THEY CAN TRACK A COW, BUT CAN'T TRACK A KIDNAPPED CHILD.

CONSTITUTIONThey keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore. TEN COMMANDMENTSThe real reason that at we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse?You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment! And Last but not least..... George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart:"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail."
HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this In mind if you are one of those grouches!)
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6. The tears happen so endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself. LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county or to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

How to pass an immigration test in the United States...
Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of America.
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
....Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works for Verizon in their Customer Service Department

WINDOW SIGN:"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL-QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH A SINGLE AMERICAN" Doesn't that just make you see red???This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business . .. and that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back.But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement . . We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty And after all, it is just a sign. You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign? Answer: A Funeral Home (Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)