I Have A Headache

I don't know about anyone else, but I am remarkably thrilled that it is Saturday. This past week has been exciting and an adventure. I was so thrilled. Really. I mean that. Ignore the sound of my jaw grinding.

Let's see. No particular order here. I had a member of my staff - she is a permanent pain in the ass - decide that she did not need to work so she never came in to work. This would have been perfectly all right, except she forgot to tell anyone. Since multiple people are out sick, life was made interesting. I am praying that she will screw up badly enough that my New Year's present will be firing her. On the plus side, I will not have to smell her mothball perfume for another week because she already put in for that time off. Guess the bright side is that I am free of her. I really did enjoy that aspect because she is so incredibly annoying.

Next came Staff Development Day! That was actually fun for once. Some of the previous years attempts left a lot to be desired. What put this years efforts squarely on the positive side is at the end there was kareoke. 2 of the people did a Sunny & Cher impression, and it was hilarious. Neither could sing AT ALL, but it did not matter because they obviously did their home work and had studied Sunny & Cher videos because they were spot on in their rendition of "I've Got You Babe."

After spending far too many hours at Staff Development, I made my escape and (SURPRISE!) I ended up at Barnes & Nobles. After searching for 1 of the more incredibly obnoxious children's videos for my nephew, I settled in for a bit of reading. I managed to skim through a YA book called "The Ranger's Apprentice." It was not that wonderful, so I went to John Ringo's "Ghost." THAT is 1 for my personal collection. The book is about a retired SF who is a complete bastard and that's his good side. The book is divided into 3 segments and the 1st is the absolute best. The 2nd segment needed help while the 3rd set up book 2, "Kildare." Reading it, I felt like Ringo had been sitting with a bunch of SF guys, B.S.-ing over their liquid dinner, taking notes. He then took all those accounts and turned them into 1 big story with a strong thread of his personal sexual fantasies.

There are all sorts of issues anyone can take with the book. The amount of information he gave about s&m, b&s, ect., was a lot scary, especially when mothers got involved. Personally, I never ever want it confirmed that my parents even know what sex is. Reading that the parents of 2 of the characters are into the "scene" and are willing to help educate their own daughters is a bit too much information. The way the main character managed to get away with some of the crap he did is another issue. Throw in all the technical details that I have no way of even guessing if they were accurate, and there is a host of issues. However, I loved it. I loved the smart ass comments, the Hilary bashing, the general obnoxious behavior. I will end up buying the book.

Next I read a Lora Leigh story in an anthology. I decided that much as I enjoyed her sex descriptions, she is incredibly repetitive. For something beyond Anne Rice's Beauty series, I would recommend her stuff, but be prepared for lots of repetition.

I then decided that I should go home. Just because it was 9 pm by the time I finished reading & still had an hour drive, was no reason to rush though. I should have taken longer because at about 11:30 p.m., give or take, the dogs went ballistic. I looked out and my car doors were open and the dogs were running after something, though someone turned out to be more accurate once the cops showed up. They took finger prints because there was a massive hand print on my window, but doubt if it will do any good. Once they finally left, I brought the dogs in because I wanted to feel safer. I am glad that I did because around 6-6:30 a.m., someone tried soming in the bedroom window. Fortunately, Zoe decided that she did not approve and her barking brought the other 2 running and the idiot was chased off.

For the record, I hate this sort of crap.

But, once the cops had done their part - zilch - I went shopping and feel remarkably better. Retail therapy does wonders.

It is now Saturday and I have managed to read several mangas and a kids book called "Santa Paws." If your kids are in the right age group (about 2nd grade through 4th) or you just like cutesy animal books, pick it up. I certainly enjoyed them. The book is the 1st in a series about a German shepherd mix who gets a family and has a unique ability to help people out of their problems. It was a quick & easy read, and it was fun, what can I say?

Beyond that, I am killing time today. I am just not here and really do not care much today. I have a few dozen things I would rather be doing at home, but that pay check is necessary. Sigh. Oh well.

Here are Today's Ramblings.

Let’s see, 1st off I want to put in a promo for L’Oreal Vive shampoo & conditioner. Since I started using it about a month ago, the difference in my hair has been amazing. I actually like what is emerging from the haystack I call hair. I have even decided to officially ditch the idea of a perm and get a decent cut since my hair has developed some body to it and is looking good. Few more months of intensive care & I might actually be willing to have pictures taken of me.

For no real reason I am now going to ramble about underwear. I am a thong girl with 1 exception – when I exercise. Then I pull out my “special collection” of granny panties because there is something about the feel of sweat running from my back, over my butt & down my leg that just grosses me out. The thongs I have, well, there just isn’t enough material to make a difference. So now that I have revealed way too much information, I want to know why so many romance characters bash thong’s? Why is thong underwear considered a “bad girl” thing? And why do so many people complain about the feel of thongs up their butt when, in my book, the worst feeling is when the granny panties bunch up and then you have to do little wiggles to get them to lay flat again.

Next I am curious to know what the appeal is of hose over thigh highs or stockings and garters among women. I won't bother asking why men prefer stockings or thigh highs. The answer is blatantly obvious after all. I HATE DETEST DESPISE AND LOATHE PANTY HOSE!
I want to make that clear. Yet nearly all the women I know would rather admit to picking their nose while driving or (horrors!) peeing in the shower rather than wear stockings or thigh highs.

I honestly do not understand this mentality. It does not help that I have never figured out the fine art of pulling the dam things on and then keeping them run free. Stocking? Thigh highs? I still have some that I picked up at Victoria's Secret 10 years ago and they not only still fit, but have never run, and still look decent. I would not wear them for a "special occasion," but for weddings, church, and work, they work beautifully. They are also able to stand up to small children and clawed animals, which is something that I look for in my clothes. I can't recommend Victoria's strongly enough.

Just wondering.

Yesterday, I had a delightfully dull day and spent some of it gossiping with 1 of my staff ladies. She is currently looking in to getting another Yorkshire terrier. I learned several things during this conversation and am going to share. First, these little dogs are just that – little. It is unusual apparently for them to weigh more than 3 lbs. Guess how much a pure bred costs? During her search, she found prices for puppies, PUPPIES, that ranged from $600.00 to $65000.00. Yes, six thousand five hundred dollars for a freaking ½ lbs. puppy. I eat chocolate bars heavier than that! I was, and still am, stunned. But that is what she wants, so that is what she is getting as part of her Christmas gifts.

This morning was interesting. I am spending the weekend at my mother’s, and thanks to all the affection from the dogs, I made a classic error. I locked the keys in the house. Fortunately, I had left a window open so I had a glorious adventure. Crawling in the window, dodging the dogs, tripping over the cats who wanted to know just why I was coming in the window & not the door like I should. I had to laugh as I ended up on the living room floor with the blinds tangled in my hair (still not sure how I did that), covered in dog slobber, cobwebs, and dew. I was in need of something different to wear to work at 9:15 a.m., when I am supposed to be at work at 9 a.m. & it’s a 40 minute drive. All things considered, it was rather funny & I am just grateful that there was no one to see my completely graceless entry. Or the dogs trying to help. Or the cats yowling at me. Thank God there was no camera's either.

After dealing with these dogs, I am even more firmly convinced that any time a dog is aggressive, it is because of human involvement. The 3 I perform housekeeping duties for are classic examples of spoiled rotten pooches. DD is a pit bull/lab mix who will gain an instant 100 IQ points at the sight of ginger cookies. Her idea of aggression is knocking you over while you rub her belly. Beadle is the elderly statesmen of the group. He is (surprise!) a beagle, which obviously had been beaten given the way he cringes, and rolls over at the sight of a human. That is if he hasn't already run away. I am still surprised he came up to me. As it is, now it would take a crow bar to get him away from his new home. Then comes the newest member of the ravening wolf pack – Zoe. She is probably a grey hound/lab retriever mix. I guess, maybe, perhaps. She is still disgustingly young and shows all the hallmarks of both breeds which makes for an interesting time. She yips like a grey hound, but is needy like a retriever. I am trying to find her a home because I am totally against any pound that does not have a no kill policy.

If anyone wants a 40 lbs. white dog, let me know. I’ll send pictures and something can be arranged. Because otherwise, I will end up keeping her & I do not need a dog. I might want a dog, but I am totally unprepared for a dog. Another cat? Sure. A dog? Ack! I keep running through my head all the reasons I should just take her to the pound, despite my objections. I have no collar, bowls, kennel, leash, money, anything to take care of her. I am at work for 9 hours and have a 2 hour drive, total, each day. I flat out do not have the time to take care of a dog properly. Last time I checked, dogs are more needy and require daily attention. Cats, which I can handle, only want a decent housekeeping staff and attention on their terms. I can do that. I am also going to be moving in with my mother soon, and she is oddly anti-pets.

My sister and I have never really understood how she ended up so anti-pet. Her brother has always had dogs. In fact, he just got another little dust mop of a dog, a bichon frieze this time. Her mother always had dogs. My sister & I have 3 cats & a dog each – though I am hoping to lose a dog soon. Of her 2 nieces (a.k.a. my cousins), 1 has 4 wiemerieners (& wants more), while the other has a mutt she found walking home from work. So where mom developed her bias is beyond me.

Though as I think about it, my sister’s dog is old and showing all the classic signs of a dog in its last phase of life. The 4-legged child has problems getting up or down, be it from a sit to a stand or a lie to a sit. She has to struggle and it obviously hurts. She no longer eats as much, and is perfectly willing to sleep all day. So a young dog moving in would probably be a good idea. Deuce Ann just can’t keep up with my nephew any more. A young dog that would play would probably be a blessing in disguise. Sounding this out a bit now. Zoe would love all the attention. My sister stays at home because she is in school now. My nephew is in a year round school, so he would be there to play with Zoe, which would let Deuce stay inside and be closer to her personal goddess, my sister. And when Deuce went to the giant play pen, Zoe would be there and all sorts of issues could be averted.

Real question is, would my mom buy that line of crap?

I just answered a bathroom call (a patron reported a stopped toilet). One of the mysteries of dealing with public bathrooms is a permanent case of, “How?” and “Why?” Examples include: how did they get all those rolls of TP stuffed in that toilet? How did that spray get on the back of the seat in the women’s restroom? Why is the men’s restroom always so gross comparatively? Even though the women’s is usually the nastiest? Things like that.

It’s now 3:30 p.m. and I have finished “SilverFin; A James Bond Adventure,” by Charlie Higson. The book is 1 of Bond’s 1st adventure and surprisingly well done. There are bits about how Bond became Bond and how he grew up. Part of why I liked the book is because Higson stayed true to Ian Fleming’s character. Higson just tied it all up in a neat bow. I can recommend the book, but not reading at work unless your boss is far away & you are the boss. Kind of like me!

OK, when is the fashion fad of pants so big they fall off your ass going to die? And when do people realize that a little perfume, after shave, musk, cologne, body spray, whatever goes a long way? I just had an individual walk by with his pants so baggy I was not only able to see his boxers, but his tidy whitey’s underneath. To add insult to injury, he stank of some men’s cologne I do not recognize, but I can certainly taste. Gack!

Here is another gripe though it is about books this time. Why is it that the only one who can save the world is a young child? Why can’t it be that old grey beard in a wheel chair? Instead of the Buffy-types, why can’t it be the geek over in tech services who is a walking stereotype of the worst kind. And come on, hasn’t anyone figured out that prophecies are only as good as all the people who are working together? Sheez! Ghenges Khan and Alexander were 2 of histories greatest leaders, but they certainly did not do it by themselves. Last time I checked, they both had advisors, generals, etc. tagging along and doing all sorts of grunt work. And let’s not forget all those grunts either.

Anyway, it's almost time to go to mommy's so later!

Today's Subjects Are . . .

To all those who love Halloween, I admire your enjoyment of the holiday season. I love watching the little kids get excited about dressing up for Halloween, and the amused self-derision of indulgent parents. I enjoy the commonplace complaints about how it is ridiculous that the stores have all the holiday decorations out, while everyone starts buying madly. I adore going window shopping under any circumstances, so this is just the best. Driving around at night and seeing all the decorations is a blast and I love seeing how creative people can get.

In fact, on my way home there is a place with a small hay wagon, complete with hay, loaded with pumpkins and other gourds, and in the front are 2 scarecrows, both with pumpkin heads, driving it. The rest of the fence is also decorated and the house has small pumpkin lights in each window and its just cool to drive by it at night. I am dying to see what they will do for Thanksgiving & then Christmas.

It does not change the fact that this is a lousy time of year. As anyone who has had to live with me over the years can testify, I become steadily edgier, snarl-y, paranoid, and generally not a lot of fun to be around. It does not help that it is not necessarily all that safe to be around me during this time. This is when I get sick, anyone who is ready to die in my family does it during this time of year, something bad happens with my car, work stress levels go up so my choke the living shit out of someone quotient goes up, and anything negative possible comes down the pipe line. Throw in the chaos that Thanksgiving always is in my family because this is the holiday that we spend with the “other family,” and all the emotional black mail and angst that comes along with that. None of these are insurmountable, or even all that big of a deal individually, just all of it within a 3-4 month period. The week AFTER News Years is when I celebrate. That is when life returns to blissful calmness & I am so looking forward to it already.

Subject change – some recent reads.

I finished last weekend several dozen teen/manga books. They were fun mangas. What more can I say?

I also read Nora Robert’s latest, “Blue Smoke.” For fans of hers, this is 1 of her best in a while. What I really liked was how she put so many details about how fire’s are started and arson and just important details to explain the how’s of the book, which explained why people reacted the way they did. For the reader, there was no mystery as to who the guilty party is, but it she managed to pull of being blatantly obvious but kept the characters in the dark until the right point when they had all the necessary clues. Reading it, you knew who the bad guy was in the prologue. But by the time the characters were in their early 30’s, late 20’s, they had figured it out & it all made sense.

Next I read Sherrilyn Kenyon’s “Bad Attitude.” What can I say? She wrote yet another fun read with obnoxious characters. Her books always tend towards a snotty sort of humor that makes me laugh. If you like books with great one-liners and one-upmanship, then try her out. In this one, the male lead is a sniper who gets pissed off (justifiably) at his superior officer & shots his superior officers helmet off in a combat zone. Some reason, he goes to jail. The B.A.D. agency make him an offer he can’t refuse, so he gets out & goes to work for them, undercover & the under the covers with his new partner who is a defensive, sarcastic soul. There is a wonderful scene based in the Grand ole’ Opry that had me laughing out loud. And the ending helped set up the future books, even though it did not really tie well into her previous novels set in this area. While I can’t say this is the best yet, it was worth re-reading several times& I will buy it.

I also read Karen Marie Moning’s “Spell of the Highlander.” This continued the saga of the Druid family who protect the barrier between the Sidhe and us. In this 1, an ancestor who managed to get himself trapped in a mirror finds his mate in the form of an archeology student, working towards her PhD. They go through several adventures, meet up with the descendents he did not even know he had, and managed to not only defeat the bad guy but set up the scene for the next book. I was impressed. Part of the reason I like her books is because they are all interconnected and she definitely has a strong sense of family. So, like Kenyon’s, while I can’t say this is the best yet, it was worth re-reading several times& I will buy it.

Finally, I read Mercedes Lackey’s “Wizard of London.” The 1st ¾’s of the book were great. The actual last chapter was incredibly poignant and has me wishing she would write faster. The ending itself? It could have been fleshed out more, especially since the 1st few chapters were taken directly from a short story she wrote years ago. I liked how she fleshed the characters out, showed how they worked and loved and relied on one another. I enjoyed reading the book in general. But the big battle ended with the bad guy being swallowed up by the demon. And that was all she wrote. Unless there is going to be more based on this book, that was a huge let down. I’ll buy it because I already have everything else she put out, but it will definitely not be a frequent re-read.

Subject change – lack of a car stereo

Let me stress to everyone that not having a car stereo is a very bad thing. You can hear the gas sloshing. You can hear the rubber bands in the engine whining and the little gerbil’s toe nails scrambling as they run madly on the treadmill in the engine. You can hear every ping and pong and thud as you drive. When an 18-wheeler passes you, it is an entirely new experience. You can’t block out as many of the annoyances of driving because there is nothing to distract you. It is awful! I think I am going to have to get something, anything for the car because this is beyond awful.

Subject change – applications

I am looking at yet another job, this one for the Beaufort County, SC schools. They need a school librarian. Their application is 14 pages long. I have filled out government applications that were shorter and required less B.S. than this thing!

Maybe I Should Wear My Funny White Jacket More Often

Please forgive the repetition, but here is the rest of the story I began yesterday.

I was once told by an "interesting" soul all about their personal believes about the town I currently live in and that they have spent their entire live living in. He & his 2 sisters both firmly believed that the reason the town had such bizarre luck was that it was the desecrated remains of an ancient Indian burial ground. And the area their family home was in was a major part of this burial ground, which was why their house was so prone to haunting. Let me say, that if ever there was a family in need of serious counseling, Dr. Phil's personal attention, and Oprah's money, this family was it.

Example 1: The only son was not only hit by an elderly woman, but the elderly woman then backed over him, ran over him again, and then backed over him again. She still claims she never saw him and was confused by the fact that she did not recall there being any speed bumps on that road. He weighs well over 200 lbs, and stands over 6'.
Example 2: The father was literally born without an anus.
Example 3: The sisters have some distinctly unique interpretations of wicca and paganism. OK?

During the mercifully brief period of time I had anything to do with this family, I learned a variety of things. One of them is that if ever a house was haunted, theirs was. There were rooms that would be freezing to the point of ice forming even though there were spaces heaters running year round. This is South Georgia - it never gets that cold! There were rooms that you could not enter even though the door was wide open. Stuff along those lines. What made it really entertaining was the ghosts. I never saw one, but according to the siblings, the one female ghost was rather, ah hem, amorous. The ghost also seemed to swing both ways. I deliberately refused to hear those stories, because that was waaaaay too much information.

The sisters views of paganism and wicca are still worth a laugh. My favorite will always be how they firmly believed that an avatar of Herne lived in the woods along the outskirts of town. They also kept trying tried to convince a friend of mine that her totem animal was not an animal, but a tree. The number of flaws in that idea are pretty self-explanatory, I hope.

Changing subjects, but one of the books I have on the way here at work is Alan Alda's new memoir called "Never Have Your Dog Stuffed." The 2 links are for the cnn.com article and the official book website. I should have the book by Friday and be finished with it within a few days, depending on what all I have to do and what else I get. What I have read so far sounds hilarious.

And another complete change of subject, but I had several weird dream segments last night. I can not get them out of my head and they are just disturbing. Exmi, I think these might top yours.

The 1st was just strange. I was in a car talking with my new boyfriend (?), maybe, perhaps, I have no clue who he was. Just know that there was a strange resemblance to several of the manga/anime characters I enjoy. We were on our way to his races/species compound where he would shed his "glamour" and if I could accept his price, he would accept mine. (Don't ask. Too embarrassing.) Once we parked, he got out, walked around, opened the door, and then helped me kneel while he collared me. We then entered the compound where gorgeous woman was standing, watching this totally buff man doing calisthenics to Queen's "We are the Champion." (Yes, that was weird in & of itself.) We then walked into this room and he, well, shimmered.

I woke up at that point wondering just what the hell was in those crackers I had to eat before bed. I officially swear that I will never eat pickles and crackers before bed again because I have dreams like these.

But the most bizarre dream segment I remember was this. I was sitting on an overstuffed sofa with someone with short dark hair. We were watching "The Guns of Navaroe." On the TV was John Wayne sitting on the pot, pants around his ankles, reading the newspaper, with June Cleaver in her pearls & high heels sitting beside him on a stool, knitting. Incredibly strange. The rest of my dream segments, well, they were incredibly detailed & graphic. It has obviously been far too long because I have managed to go for nearly my entire life without dreams this graphic. They were detailed to the point that going out the nearest dating meat market almost sounds appealing.

Since I blog at work and we have net nannies, I am going to leave this as a teaser. ;-)

I Really Am Sane, I Promise (ignore the funny white jacket, OK?)

Today has brought a level of acceptance to my psyche, if only because I cannot kill everyone who has pissed me off recently. Jail is not something I eagerly look forward to, and making the nice police officer's all unhappy is not something I enjoy doing. I would like to go on a homicidal rampage, but there are all those pesky laws. Seems a shame, but since I really do not want to be mowed down myself, I should not complain too strenuously.

Besides, I was able to call my parental units and have received all sorts of "there there, we'll help take care of this" and all sorts of coddling and I am enough of a sap that it works. I try to convince myself that I should be a strong woman, able to take care of myself without having to call home any time something bad happens, but fuck it. This is historically the worst time of year for me and while I can take all sorts of abuse and keep it from affecting my professional life, there is no way in hell I can cope personally unless I vent in either my written or blog diary, and then have my family react in their predictable patterns. As I think about it, I really hope that I drop dead before my sister because otherwise I will never be able to cope with life.

A few years back, I did a review of all my old journals and day timers to prove a point/win an argument (depends on your perspective). I no longer have to chart thanks to a computer crash, but I was able to prove how every year for the past 15 (at the time), from my birthday until about New Years, my life resembled a flushing toilet. What was truly amazing is how it changed a few relationships. Those who saw the chart & diagrams have all started bracing for this period and the cards I get for my birthday usually include something about how it is almost the New Year, just hang on.

I spent some of today looking up cars and trying to get an idea of what I want seeing as how my current car has been trashed by a bunch of jackasses who deserve a painful death involving zombies, ants, and lots of knives and blood sucking leeches. Anyway, I have no idea is what it is I want sums up right now. All I know for 100% sure is that it will be a 5 speed manual, have a CD player, a/c is a must, along with the heater, good gas mileage, and prefer a small car because it is just me. That covers all I have decided. Huge list, eh? If anyone has suggestions, please submit them. I need help! I am in the position of being able to take my time & am planning on hitting the Christmas/New Year sales, partially because I am superstitious, but unlike the past few cars, I am doing this with something approaching a plan. I am terrified!

I have been thinking about Halloween - mostly because I can't avoid it. I really hate Halloween. I hate it more than I hate Valentine's Day, OK? I understand the thrill of getting free candy and all, but I have never ever once in my life looked forward to Halloween. There is something about this holiday that inspires great dread, fear and loathing in me. I want that understood before I go on. I have no real reason why I despise Halloween, because nothing bad has ever happened. Unless something happened in a past life, or is echoing down a metaphysical time line from the future, nothing bad should happen. Yet I detest Halloween and will get into screaming fights to make my point that I do not want to go out. (The grammar in those past few sentences is atrocious-sorry.)

Despite this deep seated loathing, I adore the religious aspects of Samhein and like delving into the different interpretations and histories of the holiday. I also enjoy listening to and reading about ghostly stories and the supernatural. In fact, if anyone wants a list of good stories, sources, etc., let me know. It will take me about 10 minutes to pull about 75 titles. As it is, I can recommend "Ghostly Tales of Japan," by Rafe Martin. Listening to that now. And if anyone wants to share, PLEASE! I love them! The spookier the better!

This lead in is so that I can share some of my experiences and tales others have told me over the years. I will be throwing them out at random intervals, so don't be surprised. As I am sure has become clear, I do my writing to kill time at work and I have A LOT of free time to kill.

The 1st tale is 1 that happened my 1st year of college and scared the crap out of all of us. I had a oujia board from a high school party and my roommates, some of their friends, and I were goofing around - like normal 17-19 year olds do. 1 of the "older" guys there said something about how we should try contacting this 1 entity he knew of from previous experiences. Being giggling morons trying to appear cool before the older guy, we complied. Nothing happened and since there was "food" to prepare for that nights drinking, we just sat it down on the coffee table and started prepping. Things went really weird at that point. The pointer started moving on its own. When 1 of the girls (not a roomie) noticed, she did the natural thing and screeched. No idea who it was, but man, she hit a note I did not think anyone outside of opera's could hit. One of my braver roommies, thanks to alcohol, laughed and tried to pick the board up to show the strings. Funnily enough, the pointer, board and table would not move. Amazing how quickly we all huddled into the kitchen. I can still remember that when we all were looking at that board on the pink table, huddled in this tiny kitchen, and 1 phone rings. This would not be so bad, but we were all quiet, no one had a cell phone then, and we had 1 phone line with 4 phones on it. But only 1 phone rang. I am sure it is a surprise, but we all jumped a foot and fell all over one another at that point. When 1 of the others picked up the phone, we all heard this truly vile laughter mixed with weird music. The phone was slammed down and that broke the self-induced mass hysteria. We all went out that night instead of staying in to watch movies, and we got all new phones within a week, but life went on. The oujia board ended up in the trash.

This next one, I will finish tomorrow, but here is the 1st part.

I was once told by an "interesting" soul all about their personal believes about the town I currently live in and that they have spent their entire live living in. He & his 2 sisters both firmly believed that the reason the town had such bizarre luck was that it was the desecrated remains of an ancient Indian burial ground. And the area their family home was in was a major part of this burial ground, which was why their house was so prone to hauntings.

Let me say, that if ever there was a family in need of serious counseling, Dr. Phil's personal attention, and Oprah's money, this family was it. The only son was not only hit by an elderly woman, but the elderly woman then backed over him, ran over him again, and then backed over him again. She still claims she never saw him and was confused by the fact that she did not recall there being any speed bumps on that road. He weighs well over 200 lbs, and stands over 6'. The father was literally born without an anus. The sisters have some distinctly unique interpretations of wicca and paganism. OK?



But before I go -

Here is an article and the mentioned links that I found killing time this afternoon. Kind of neat actually.

http://gerd.msn.com/article.aspx?aid=62>1=7121

http://www.med.umich.edu/umim/clinical/pyramid/

http://www.mypyramid.gov/

http://www.mypyramidtracker.gov/

The 'Healing Foods' pyramid
New healthful-foods guide includes chocolate, alcohol, tea
By Anne HardingSpecial to MSN
University of Michigan researchers have created a food pyramid with much more than your stomach in mind.
The colorful, 10-tier triangle, introduced in March, is based on two years of research into the power of foods to ward off and fight illnesses such as autoimmune conditions, chronic pain, cancer and heart disease, says Dr. Monica Myklebust, director of University of Michigan Integrative Medicine Clinical Services in Ann Arbor. Myklebust created the pyramid with Jenna Wunder, a nutritionist at the center.
"It seems to boil down to a certain number of essential points on how to eat to prevent and treat these conditions," explains Myklebust, a family physician who spent a two-year fellowship with University of Arizona integrative-medicine guru Dr. Andrew Weil. In a nutshell: Eat less meat and more plant products, enjoy a variety of foods and emphasize healthy fats.
Building blocksThe Healing Foods Pyramid is accessible on the Web at (Link) A click on each of the 12 building blocks that form the pyramid's 10 tiers brings up detailed information on the food group's benefits as well as recommended servings and portion sizes.
Water forms the base of the pyramid, followed by five tiers representing foods to be eaten daily: fruits and vegetables, grains, legumes, seasonings and healthy fats like olive oil, and eggs and dairy products. The next two tiers are fish and seafood and lean meats, to be eaten weekly. Next are chocolate, alcohol and tea, grouped as "accompaniments," all of which can benefit health when consumed in moderation. Finally, at the very tip, there's an empty triangle, reserved for a "special treat that is healing for you," to be indulged in occasionally.
Myklebust and Wunder emphasize buying organic foods whenever possible, purchasing meat and eggs from free-range animals, and avoiding meat and dairy products containing hormones. The section on fish also provides details on which seafoods should be avoided due to the risk of PCB or mercury contamination. Choosing the proper foods is likely to be healthier for humans as well as for the environment, they say.
Mastering the basics"For people who really want to be healthy and take their nutrition as far as they can go, I think it's excellent, based on everything we know that's good for us," says Katherine Tallmadge, a Washington-based spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association.
But the healing pyramid's complexity could be daunting for some, Tallmadge adds.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture's latest version of the food pyramid is much simpler. Five vertical stripes represent grains, vegetables, fruits, milk, and meat and beans, while a figure runs up a set of stairs on the left side to emphasize the importance of physical activity. A few simple guidelines accompany each food group — for example, "make half your grains whole" and "bake it, broil it or grill it" for meats — and tell you how much to eat every day.
The USDA includes additional information on its Web site, mypyramid.gov, and also offers a personal, in-depth diet and physical activity assessment in My Pyramid Tracker.
"For someone that is just starting out as far as they want to improve their diet, they want to eat better, they don't know a lot about nutrition, I would definitely have them start with mypyramid.gov," says Michelle Johnson, an ADA spokesperson based in Phoenix. She said she considers the Healing Foods Pyramid to be a more advanced version that people could move up to once they've got the basics.
Mind what you eatJohnson says she likes the Healing Foods Pyramid's emphasis on "mindful eating," or taking the time to enjoy and savor your food. "There's been some good research showing that mindful eating is a pretty good tool for maintaining a healthy weight, in addition to choosing healthy foods," she says.
Mindful eating can also prevent digestive problems and help people who have such problems to cope with them, Myklebust notes. "Mindless eating," like bolting a burger behind the wheel, is something many of us do far too often, she adds, and our stomachs don't thank us for it.
Along with eating on the run, Myklebust says, people with gastroesophageal reflux and heartburn should consider avoiding tomatoes, citrus, high-fat foods, peppermint, coffee, chocolate and alcohol, all of which can weaken the sphincter separating the stomach from the esophagus, allowing acid backup.
Johnson suggests using the two pyramids together for tip-top nutritional benefit. "These are two good resources in the sea of bad information that you can find on the Internet when it comes to healthy nutrition," she says. "I really don't see anything conflicting about the two of them. I think they work very well together."

Grrrrrrrrr

Today started beautifully. Then I got in my car to come to work, and my day took a serious nose dive. Not only was I on my way to work on a freaking Sunday, but some moron broke into my poor abused 10 year old car and stole the stereo. What is really annoying is that they also took the well underneath the stereo that I had pens and small note pads and all that sort of stuff as well. This is just a perfect ending to a fucking perfect week.

Drivel

This week has been highly interesting. I can’t recommend anyone try duplicating it unless they really want to lose 10+ lbs over night & not be able to face food for the next week without wanting to hurl, but that is just my opinion.

I think the best part of being very ill is the lack of memory afterwards. I don’t mean you have no recollection of the period being ill, just that it’s all smashed together into a giant “urghk.” Any clear memories are absolutely crystal clear and usually pretty humorous. Like my 2 memories of the past few days. 1 memory is of lying on the bathroom floor having a wildlife moment and being grateful no one was around and cameras were all far away. I was lying there, being suitably gross with sweat pouring of me, heating pad doing its thing under my belly, and all 4 cats were licking the sweat of me, 2 nibbling, and all of them grumbling because I kept twitching. Or at least I think they were the source of the grumbles. It could have been my unhappy tummy.

My other memory is of watching exmi’s feet. I was still lying on the bathroom floor and I know we had an entire conversation but all I remember is seeing his old, beat up boots as he sat the heavenly ginger ale bottle down beside me.

Which reminds me, exmi, THANK YOU! I do not think I would have made it without a trip to the hospital if you hadn’t made the trip out with ginger ale and crackers. And the same goes to three-score. I definitely appreciate the call to check-up on me. And while I don’t remember it, I know that you will remind me of any horribly embarrassing comments I made while being all drool-ly and gross. Right? ;-)

Any who, I am at work and it is fortunately very quiet right now. As in, it is now after 12 noon, and there have been all of 5 people enter the building & 2 came in with that eternally annoying question – “Where’s the bathroom?” I REALLY hate that question. I know that I should not complain because that is about all I can handle today, but it is so incredibly annoying. I have managed to check stats, clean emails out, answer the phone, and generally waste a large chunk of this morning in a completely unproductive manner.

Had a bit of “excitement” a minute ago. A patron came in and told us all about a high speed chase involving a “big ol’ pick-up” and a “Ferrari-type car.” According to our witness, the truck was tail-gating the Ferrari-type car and the 2 were going about 65 in a 25 area and the entire police force got called in – all 6 of them. From what the witness then saw, the cops cut the truck of and yanked the truck driver out of the cab and arrested him. No clue – yet – on what the back story is but I am sure I will have it by Monday given the way gossip flows in this town. My guess is an unhappy husband/boyfriend got ticked off and chased wife/girlfriend and cops got called in. I hope I am wrong, but . . .

It amazes me what sort of nonsense my brain can come up with when I am spaced out and killing time. Like now, I am wondering why saltines are made into little squares? Why not rectangles? Who came up with drinking tea? Why aren’t we smoking tea and drinking tobacco? And who was the 1st saint to create hot chocolate? That is someone who deserves to be canonized, win the Nobel, Pulitzer, Emmy, Stanley Cup, all the Bowls, and any other prize you can name.

In the silly romance novels I devour like candy, why doesn’t anyone ever take a shower, go to the bathroom, or get sick unless it is part of the plot? Same goes for mysteries. I agree that reading about how someone retired to the library to read, have a smoke, and went to the bathroom is not all the exciting. I am not asking for that kind of detail. What I am asking for is a bit more realism in fluff fiction. Mascara running, lipstick smudged all over clothing, nails chipped if brick walls are any place in the scene (be it a fight or a sex scene), clothes messed up with sweat and dirt, that sort of thing. And why doesn’t anyone get an eye lash in there eye anymore? Or their contact slip? Not everyone has 20/20 vision!

Or if the couple in the romance novel just had blazing hot sex, outside, in the barn, and they go about the rest of the day without taking a shower? COME ON! Correct me if I have forgotten a few basics here (it has been several years after all), but when the sex is good, you tend to sweat. In the summer you are going to be sweating buckets anyway, and being outside, especially in the southeast? Sweat is a basic function with its own vocabulary. Bodily fluids are exchanged. And if you are outside, then there is dirt involved, or hay, sand, grit, whatever fits the locale. And once finished, going off to pick up your sibling/child/parent/whatever in that state is not something most sane adults are going to do. And I doubt if I am alone in this, but going to the bathroom afterwards is kind of a necessity. So who are these authors trying to kid?

And here is another point of nonexistent realism that gets me. When the heroine is still a virgin, I do not care how painless the 1st time is, it is going to be extraordinarily messy. So why does it seem like the 1st time is a moment of passing discomfort and then you pull your clothes back on and go about your day? I am starting to understand why my mother did not want me to read these as a kid.

And while I am on this rant, here is another physical improbability – but why are all these romance novel hero’s hung like gods? With magic hands that inspire orgasms on the 1st try? That one bothers me as well. I have had only 1 lover who managed to always get me to orgasm, usually multiple times, but from far too many conversations I know how exceptional that is. I (unfortunately) know women who have only had 2 +/- “REAL” orgasms in their entire life, and the 1st orgasm was why they married the man they now call their husband. That is not only deeply disturbing for many obvious reasons, but another reason I am not sure of the institution known as marriage.

A bit of politics now, I have been listening to the latest rumblings about the newest judicial nominee for the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers. Let me say that my 1st objection to her is that she looks like a dried apple. Superficial, yes, but that is why my gut reaction is a giant no. The next few layers of my objections revolve around the blatant cronyism going on. It is rather sad that she was chosen mostly because he knows her and likes her, NOT because of her work ethic, experience, morals, track record, or any of those other niggling details. I would hate having that sort of looming specter over my shoulder as I went in to work for the next 10-20 years.

Internationally, it will be interesting to see just how much aid Pakistan & the surrounding countries get for their horrendous natural disaster. Considering how many massive disasters have been hitting world wide, one right after the other, I also wonder how much more natural damage the world can sustain before total exhaustion sets in for the rescue crews. How many people are willing to be the 1st response teams in major disasters? Yes, the local teams are already in place and Lord help us all if those crews ever disappear, but how many cops, EMT’s, firemen, dr.’s, nurse’s, etc. are there willing to go do triage literally anywhere around the world? And just how many specialists are there in mudslide victim recovery? Or fire rescues? Or flood rescues? Or earthquakes? There are only so many people in this field and they have to be exhausted after 9/11, then the tsunami, then Katrina, then Rita, and now the earthquake. That is not counting all the “smaller” disasters that these dedicated souls have responded to. I admire and applaud these people, even if I do not share their dedication to mankind. But when will they catch a break?

Some fun now –

I copied this from Slap Dash Thoughts and my answer is chocolate cake with chocolate icing. Though I must admit it was a REALLY hard choice between that and the brownies. ;-)

What Kind of Cake Are You?
Pick ONE dessert from the list below, then look to see what psychiatrists think about you!
After taking this dessert personality test.
If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose?
(Sorry, you can only pick one!)
Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla Cake / Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate Cake / Chocolate Icing
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake
Blueberry Pie a la mode

NO. You can't change your mind! So think carefully what your choice will be! And no peeking!!!
OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you!

Angel food - Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.
Brownies - You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
Lemon Meringue - Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.
Vanilla Cake / Chocolate Icing - Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not Very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.
Strawberry Short Cake - Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional and annoying at times.
Chocolate Cake / Chocolate Icing - Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
Ice Cream - You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.
Carrot Cake - You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.
Blueberry Pie a la mode - You are a person who is over the top. Spontaneous and fun loving. Very caring and always willing to help out a friend or stranger. Have to be careful of overextending yourself.

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. "UNDERSTANDING WOMEN(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes. "He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.”( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee. "Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee. "Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

Some Total B.S.

I had a long spell of sitting in the doctor's office yesterday and had plenty of time to contemplate my navel. I was also able to contemplate the generic soda machine, but my navel was vastly more entertaining after the 1st 1/2 hour or so.

Anyway, to have something else to think of, I let my mind wander down the aisle marked "who was it that (fill in the blank)." Some of the answers I would like include:

Who was it that decided that the missionary position was the standard position for sex? I mean, what sort of survey could be conducted? Especially 100's of years ago when the missionary position was 1st decreed to be the legally moral, safe position? Preferably with the lights out, curtains drawn, door locked, and sheets above your head, but there you go. Personally, I can not imagine Solomon or David of biblical fame restrained themselves to the missionary Position, but I wasn't there and I really hope that there are NOT any records.

And what are people really going to tell you at any point in history? In today's society, surveys are completely anonymous, but not too long ago, it was your confessor asking you questions. I do not know about anyone else, but looking my friendly neighborhood priest in the eye as he asked me what my favorite sexual position is just not going to happen. For me, it would be even worse if it was a nun because I went to catholic schools for the most part. "Nuns" and "sex" are 2 things that I just can't easily put in the same sentence. It hurts my brain, ya know? And if it was the so called community leadership, or the lord of the manor, yeah, right! There was lots of honesty in that conversation!

So I wonder, just who was it & how did he/they decide that the missionary position was the safe, legal, moral standard? And why not something else?

Next, I want to know who guzzled the 1st beer? Or glass of wine? Port? Ale? Your favorite alcoholic beverage? Think about it! Alcohol is basically the leftovers of wheat or grapes gone bad. So who was the poor stiff who decided that stuff floating on the top of the urn smelled pretty good, they were thirsty anyway, so why not? Was it a bet? Someone trapped in a cave with supplies & they were desperate? What?

Also, who was it that dug up a potato, beet, carrot, whatever, and ate it? Imagine the bravery involved in being the sucker who took the bet. We still do it, usually at frat parties & the tastes are all pretty well known, but think about being the 1st person to ever eat a potato. Or a gold fish. And who was it that decided to cover cod fish in lye (lutefish) and then serve it up as a delicacy? Or kimchi, the ultimate in rotten cabbage? Monkey brains? Pig brains? Brains in general?

I am curious to know who was the 1st scientist who created pasta? Mainly so I can recommend them for sainthood. I might avoid that stuff like the plague, but it does not change the fact that breads in any form are 1 of the greatest food groups.

And who was the brave soul to bring home that burning branch to their cave? And what sort of reception did they have from their fellow cave dwellers?

For that matter, who was the idiot who started playing their flute to keep the snakes from biting them? And how did they get in to the situation that they got to try the experiment?

There were other items I wondered about, but I started snoozing about this point, waiting my turn, and I can't remember the rest.

Now for an update on the latest dog to invite itself in. She is a complete and utter ham. She is beyond ham in fact. She did a pretty good job snowballing me for a while, but she hasn't quite figured out how to maintain an act. Once I got her reasonably clean, I have to revise my guess of her heritage. I still THINK she is part hound, but a golden retriever/lab is definitely part of the mix as well. She is definitely a nervous dog and has serious separation issues, but she & the other 2 dogs have established who is who on the totem pole. She is at the bottom. The elderly statesman of the group is a good sort who will let her bounce over him while he chews his bones. The top dog of the bunch enjoys having someone of the same size to rough house with and tends to chew on Zoe. Zoe is ecstatic because she is not alone and that is all that matters in her world.

I know that I need to take her to the shelter because I flat-out cannot afford another animal. I hate the thought of abandoning any animal, and she is a sweet dog who has already been abandoned. She is young, already has a basic obedience education, eager to be with her human and/or pack, and generally just cute. But I can't afford to feed myself! ARRRGH!

All Over The Place Today, & Pretty Depressing Too

Today, I am doped to the gills with muscle realigned and pain meds, so forgive the wandering train of thought. I still hurt like mad and am ready to give up on ever being pain free again. I most sincerely regret every accident I have ever been in because I am paying for them now. It sucks and sucks mightily. I keep trying to comfort myself with the knowledge that I know why I get migraines and bad headaches. I know why my back routinely decides not to play nice and I pinch nerves.

It is all because of a year of accidents - fell down 2 flights of stairs, through another flight of stairs, 5 car accidents (I was not driving in any of them which is a real pisser), and a homicidal maniac for a neighbor. All of this will result in a life time of weak joints and chipped bones. Throw in the mix the genetic "gift" of arthritis and I have got pain. Constant pain. Nagging pain. Really fucking annoying pain. And since my back decided to give out again yesterday, I am feeling surly. Yeah, surly is a good term for my mood.

It does not help my mood to have "found" another abandoned dog. There were 2 dogs dropped of in the woods and they have been running free for about 2-3 weeks now. This past Tuesday morning, the 1 was in the ditch dead and rapidly decomposing. As in, after being dead less than 4 days, she is nothing but scattered bones. An odditity which makes me suspect her death was encouraged by some son of a bitch who deserves to be staked out over an ant hill coated in honey with a light dusting of salt once the ants start eating.

The other, now truly alone, dog, came up to me this morning and she seems to be a doll. An incredibly dirty doll, but still. What added to my surly quotient is how she came up to me. No dog should ever, EVER, crawl on its belly. No dog should be so afraid that it not only belly crawls but whimpers, has its tail tucked, and is terrified of any loud noise. Since this looks to be a fairly young dog, my desire to beat the crap out of whomever did this to her is in direct proportion to her cringing. She was afraid to eat until I put her and the food in an open area and walked away. I know it won't take long for her to get over that because any animal that stays with me quickly figures out I am a massive wimp, but I hate seeing any animal cringe.

As it is, I am going to wait & see how well she settles in before taking her to the vet, naming her, etc. I can not afford another animal of my own, but I do not trust the Humane Society and would rather skip a few meals myself rather than doom an animal to death. And in this dogs case, it helps that she is a cute dog. She looks like some sort of German Shepherd mix, oddly enough. I'd say a grey hound judging by the way she moves and how her pack mate looked. I think they might have been litter mates that the owner could not find homes for so the dogs were just dumped. No way to tell now. All I know is that the other 2 dogs do not mind her and want to play, she needs a bath so that I can at least tell if she is all white or not, and is very young and very nervous.

Beyond that, I spent this mornings abbreviated walk and the drive to work distracting myself by contemplating my personal trust issues. It was/is rather odd to realize that part of the reason I would never learn how to scuba dive is because I have to trust not only the instructor, but also whomever I go diving with in the future. There is no one in my life that I would trust that much. The closest would be my sister, but since she is an epileptic with grand mal seizures, I am not brave enough to risk either of our lives on the hope that her meds will hold out.

I realized that all of my hobbies and activities are solitary in nature and that I actively seek ways to be by myself. I mean, my hobbies include going to zoos and museums - fun to do either by yourself or with a group. I adore kayaking and fully intend to 1 day have my own so that I can go out by myself. As it is, I do not care to go with friends because I want to be alone so badly. Which is really shitty of me because obviously the few people who keep nagging at me to get out think I am fun to hang out with and I keep saying no. Then there is my reading addiction, which is going to become extremely expensive. I enjoy movies, but would vastly prefer to watch them at home. I do jigsaw puzzles, though that is partially because I glue them together & then frame them because the puzzles tend to be cheaper than the posters. I also get a sense of satisfaction, knowing that I put the picture together. I go for long walks, weather permitting. All of these are solitary activities.

I thought about all my past relationships and realized just how many barriers I put up so that I would not be risking myself. Then I went down memory lane a snarled some more over the memory of my ex-fiance informing me how my father would NOT be walking me down the aisle. The engagement ended soon after that. Thought about everyone who came after and realized not only how short that list is, but also how I helped keep them separate from me and my life. There was only one with whom I actually lazed around, watched TV, read, and just relaxed with. I have never gone out on a "date" where we held hands, or just wandered the malls. My ex-fiance never liked malls, and holding hands was "a pain."

Now I am starting to realize why so many of my girl friends are telling me to get out. I am most definitely turning in to an anti-social hermit. If I do not get out of this area soon, I am going to become a stereotype. YUCK!

And I know that I will be asked this, but why do I feel like leaving this area is the answer? Because I have been here for too long. I have never found a position that allowed me to pay bills and eat without massive outside assistance. I have a limited number of friends, and most of them live in other states and are seriously worried about me because the list of options that I find enjoyable is so slim around here. I am not a country girl. I might have grown up in the boon docks, but I do not enjoy it. I prefer areas where I can walk to the corner deli and get a good hoagie - NOT SUBWAY! - and then go to the park or board walk and people watch. I like going on the subway to the malls and to the museums and gardens. I enjoy being surrounded by people who do not know my name, religious affiliation, my menstrual cycle, age, weight, shoe/bra sizes, my co-workers & bosses name/phone number/address, their spouse's/children/pets, my car tag number, etc. I get tired of everyone knowing everyone else's business, and then commenting on it.

And this situation/blogging does not count. After reading this, most will completely forget. Not go have discussions with family members and then come back the next day with the ideas discussed over the dinner table.

I then realized that I was about to fall asleep at the wheel, so I refreshed my memory of the 1 person guaranteed to get my blood pumping. Many moons ago, there was a very tall girl with excessive amounts of confidence. The bitch was friends with a sweet little girl who was very sheltered. Through a series of events, the bitch & the sheltered child met up with yours truly. So life progressed and various events came to pass. One of them, which still makes me want to bite something, was a statement made by the bitch.

According to her, she was the dramatic, sexual creature men wanted to date. The sheltered girl was the one men wanted to take home to mom & eventually marry. I was the one men wanted to fuck.

Attempts have been made to make that more palatable. The closest was how I should view that as a jealousy-based remark because I am a "more sensual and sexual creature who just gives off the vibe that I enjoy sex." I thought that was an excellent attempt to get in the sack with me, but needed LOTS of work.

What has worn the sharp edges off the obnoxious comment is how life has played out since then. I tend to gloat most unattractively when I contemplate this, so forgive me. The bitch has been married - several times now. And each time, she has needed liposuction to fit in to the gown. And in most cases, the marriage partner was the best friend of her soon-to-be ex-husband. Last I heard, she was working as a construction worker. The sheltered one has gone from a size 6 to a size 20, been married, had a child, divorced, shacked up with another man, had a child with him, he left her with the children, and she is now living with her parents in Atlanta and making minimum wage. I am still a size 6-8, no children, no liposuction, and while poor as a church mouse, I can say that my mistakes affect only me and no one else. And the best part? The bitch had to have liposuction. I love it!

Blah Blah Blah

I am just rambling today. I am on break having my tea and figured I would entertain myself this way. I have already done today's chores so I have been reading blocs. One that I got a kick out of is the spinster war diaries. She has a post up about how unfair it is that some of the ugliest and/or bitchiest get boyfriends, but she (& many other normal women) have no one.

I have a theory but its not quite perfect, so this is my sounding board. Feel free to edit, correct, dispute, or agree to hearts content.

Part of the reason so many truly ugly women have boyfriends/husbands is because they are "safe." A man knows that a woman with a lot of extra weight is going to do her best to make him happy. Or if she is never going to win any prizes for looks, then once again, he can be a complete ass and she will smile and say nothing. And if she has no teeth? Well, there is a sick male fantasy involving a short woman and no teeth that solves that mini-mystery.

And the drop dead gorgeous women? They end up married fairly quickly because of that competition aspect of humanity. If a truly beautiful woman is not married then it is because she made the choice.

So why are there so many normal/average women not married? Because we are not "safe," but there is no need to hurry up and compete for our attention. We will still be there when the guys are done wandering, though since we demand something of the men in our lives we are too much effort for those men who want a nice "safe" relationship. Granted by the time men notice we are breathing, tempers are a bit frayed and the smiling compromise era is over. There is no way that anyone over the age of 26 is going to retire in silence when a difference of opinion comes up. The ability to stand up for yourself has been learned and perfected by that point.

This is just a working theory with numerous holes and I know it. But it is a start and it helps me keep my temper.

I hate to think of what I come sort of personality I come across as having on this blog. I am anything but blood thirsty, and I am awful at handling confrontations. Yet I use this blog as my way of venting and what comes across is probably an extremely anti-social bitch.

Hmmm . . .

Maybe not so far off there.

Now all I have to do is find a safe way to vent about family & my version of a love life and all will be wonderful. Which reminds me, why is it so necessary for people to be married? I am asked on average once a day if I am married and if I have kids. The answer is a definite no. I sometimes smile while saying "NO!" but it is still a giant no. So what is the deal? Why is it so hard for others to comprehend that I know myself well enough to have the self-knowledge that marriage would be a bad idea for me? (And yes, I was just asked - AGAIN!)

I know that I am anti-social after working all day. The odds are rather high that I do not want to go out for dinner, drinks, or a movie. I get the wigglies when forced to bars and other local hang outs, especially if they are noisy and crowded. Large groups of people leave me with a massive headache and utterly exhausted. So why would I want to torture myself for fun? The closest to enjoying a large group of people is when I go to meetings and conferences. That is only because I know most of the people, it will be under controlled circumstances and I know when I will be able to get mental breaks, and I tend to get "stuff." I am always fond of getting more stuff after all. I also enjoy going to zoos and museums, but that is not quite the same thing.

I also know that I do not trust that many people to get close on any level. I have yet to come across any reason why I should be willing to develop trust with more people. And I definitely have yet to come across any reason why I should be willing to trust anyone to the point that I want to not only spend the rest of my life with them, but share a bed with them as well. I have a rough enough time sleeping as it is!

The weirdness factor comes from the fact that I have little to no personal modesty and tend not to notice people physically unless they resemble an ugly animal or just smell bad. Those individuals, I just tend to avoid because I have a hard time not asking dumb questions like, "you do know that you look like a bull frog?" Or even worse, "when was the last time you took a shower?"

Can I Request a Limited Zombie Invasion?

I am not ready for a real zombie invasion, but after the past 2 days of absolute chaos I would really appreciate it if a zombie invasion would descend on Atlanta & DC. In particular, eat Gov. Purdue. I'll provide the salt, pepper, ketchup, what ever is requested.

Why am I feeling so blood thirsty? For those who are lucky enough to not be effected by this, the Gov. of GA requested that as many counties as possible in GA cancel school for the past 2 days (this Monday & Tuesday). By 6 pm yesterday, I was ready to gut the next parent who dropped off their children & left to "go run errands." This is actually code for getting a smoke without a hassle.

Because this request by the gov. was made at about 4 pm Friday, there was no time for teachers to create assignments to keep the little darlings occupied on Monday & Tuesday of this week. Because there was no assignments or arrangements made, there was nothing the parents could do but scramble madly for a baby sitter to watch the little angels. Many parents failed naturally enough, so the malls, libraries, YMCA's, rec departments, and other facilities were over run with the little brats.

It was absolutely insane for the past 2 days & we just now managed to wrap everything up, scrape the gum of the computers, pull the candy wrappers out of the disk drives, put the books back in order, and generally return the building to a working order. The best parts were when the adults threw fits because little rug rats were on the computers and they had to wait. Keeping a smile was not easy. Especially since I got here an hour late thanks to having my car fixed and that made for all sorts of headaches.

Side note - I am anything but irreplaceable here at work. Yet every time I am late by an hour or more, leave early, take a day off, whatever, I am stunned by how my revoltingly empty desk amasses huge quantities of papers, books, notes, and stuff that no one else is willing to deal with. And that includes notes telling me that someone called to order material we do not have and so the requested title was put on our "wish list." Just do it! Listen to Nike! It works!

Anyway, zombie lama has a post about how he has too much stuff. I can not say that I understand the idea. I tend to throw away or give away at least 4 boxes of old stuff I no longer use every 3 months. There are odds & ends I have kept since before my birth, but that is because they were bought to celebrate my birth & that's the happiest thought I know of. Knowing that someone was glad that you were conceived is just cool. Whether or not you would recognize one another now with name tags is a trivial detail. When you were conceived and born, they were happy you simply were.

Books are another matter entirely. I have too many books and I tend not to buy as many as I would like. I certainly read dozens each month that I check out from 1 of the many libraries I have access too. But stuff? Being able to keep my home pared down to the necessities is a wonderful feeling, especially when it comes time to dust.

I have been thinking of what I would grab up if ever I had to evacuate because of a hurricane. That, along with whether or not I really want to move the (fill in the blank) when it comes time to next relocate, are the 2 thoughts I keep in mind when I go to buy. Following those, I debate on whether I would use or wear it, and with what. If the answers are all positive, and I actually need it, then I buy it. But, getting back to the point, thanks to Katrina & Rita, I have realized that with a few exceptions that will be corrected by this coming Sunday, I can have the easily moved portions of my belongs packed up & loaded in my car in under 3 hours. That includes my cats. The rest of it, well, I need a truck so they stay. All my truly important stuff is in the car.

If the disaster is an earthquake or zombie invasion, well, I am doomed. Especially if it is a zombie invasion because I tend towards the iron skillet home defense systems rather than any-caliber weapons. Though I do have a frightening number of knives thanks to my late grandmother. Why she had over 3 dozen carving/butcher/bread knives is beyond me, but they are all mine. Scary.



P.S.
I got this via email today. Anyone know how accurate it is? It would not surprise me either way, but I am curious.
Poor grieving Cindy....Tough Life. . . . . . .camping outside Bush's Ranch
More about Cindy . . What is most interesting is that the press gives this little bunch of people who are protesting with Cindy so much air time without discussing Cindy's background. This is a case of more press bias. It's been pointed out on just a couple of media outlets that Cindy divorced her first husband and left her son with him to be raised while she became a political activist for the Democratic Party. She had very little to do with her son in his growing years. She remarried. The 1st husband remarried. The original father raised the son with his new wife. They miss their son and mourn the loss of his life. They have stated that they are very proud of their son and that they agree with the stance of America in Iraq and on terror. They said that their son was eager to serve and to go fight the terrorists in Iraq. He volunteered. How many news stations carried their interview? Not many.
So the son dies in Iraq and then Cindy shows up to make a stink. She gets an audience with Bush. That was not enough. She goes to Crawford and demands another audience. How many news stations carry the ongoing saga of Cindy? Practically all of them.
Cindy didn't care about her son. She let another woman raise him. Cindy doesn't care about the other soldiers in Iraq. Cindy cares about her liberal, feminist agenda and about using the death of her son to lobby against Republicans andBush. And the press is helping her. Why?
Then a few days ago, Cindy's 2nd husband filed for a divorce from Cindy. Cindy sounds like a feminist opportunist who did not have the sense of responsibility to even raise her own son. It looks like her 2nd husband is fed up with Cindy. We middle Americans should be fed up with Cindy also. We should be fed up with the press. They manipulate us into their "group think" and into the responses that they want on their polls.

It Is Officially Boring

Well, I am officially on the path for gainful employment in Tennessee. I spent a large chunk of this evening looking at jobs and managed to find several that look good and sent in my application. Now I just need to get the jobs and Lord knows I am praying, begging, demanding, nagging, whining, and generally being obnoxious about the matter.

It all boils down to the fact that I want out of Georgia and would really like to have a life. It gets old going home and knowing that all I accomplished was sending out my resume and blogging. I vastly prefer knowing that I managed to organize an event and pulled it off. Or that my presentation went well and we got the money. Or that the bathrooms are now clean and the litter boxes have been bleached. Anything is better than being a cipher here at work. And I hate having to choose between food on the table or gas in the car. I have always managed to keep the utilities on one way or another, but I am tired of living off $1200/month. I know that is nothing awful & there are millions who would kill to have that much, but I am used to better paychecks & I REALLY miss those. Just as I am used to doing more with my brain than feeding it candy and generally shutting it off for 8 hours of work (+ 2 for driving & add 1 more for lunch) out of each day.

Yesterday, after spending way to much time cleaning the old home stead, and bleach really is a wonderful scent (NOT!), but I plopped down with exmi to watch some anime. Among other things, we covered how the cold, aloof, uncaring characters/people always say that caring is not worth it and how they refuse to go through the pain of losing someone they love. Exmi is right in that there really are not that many ways to express that emotional protection, but there should be! It's like the evil madman always has the scary laugh and details his evil plot right before the miracle occurs and the good guys win the day. I like it when, every now and again, the bad guy just kills the good guy and never tells what fiendish plot he is brewing. I want the synopsis after the good guys win the day , yes, but lets wait until the end, OK? Let's try something new occasionally.

I am trying to think of how a character could convey that they do not trust humanity not to hurt them if they care without sounding like an idiot or a professor. Not that there is much difference, but there are miniscule differences. Any ideas are welcome. Right now I am still reeling from the liberal amount of bleach I used yesterday to clean the car and the homestead. I know there are safer alternatives, but when I clean, then it will be cleaned and sanitized to the point you can eat of it. The cats do there best to destroy that level of perfection just be stretching and shedding madly, but that is just 1 facet of their reason to exist. The rest is because they are the center of the universe and have done a fairly good job of managing events so that no one blows themselves up too often.

A Bunch of hokum

Well, this has been a great weekend. (Please feel free to ladle sarcasm liberally on there.)

Friday was a grand day. I managed to crawl out of bed fairly early and take my ass for a thinning walk mixed with sprints. Once I got back, the day just became thrilling. I had a beautiful flat tire. Since, as I quickly discovered, I do not have a car jack, I winced and drove to the gas station, and prayed - a lot. There, the flat tire had gone beyond flat straight to shredded. Fortunately, a wonderful gentleman was kind enough to loan me his car jack AND change the tire. All I had to do was listen to him while he worked hard and practiced his Sunday sermon on me. I can live with that.

I then manage to get my donutted car to the mechanic's. There the news was less than stellar. The tires my car needs are no longer made so I had a choice of what type of replacement I wanted. I went for the $60 pair because they would last longer. That was the easy part.

Next, the mechanics tore my car apart because there were squeals and oil leakage every where. This is really depressing, but I get to go in on Monday before work so they can tear the oil pan out, check seals, replace belts, and generally fix everything so that my car will no longer squeal or drip oil onto those unimportant things like the alternator, timing belt, compressor, etc. I can't wait to kill 4 hours sitting in the waiting room & then write a $400+ check.

So $177 later, I was able to escape with my new tires around 4 pm from the mechanics. I then went to Wal-Mart and got something to eat, blessing my father because he had sent me some extra cash because otherwise life would have been VERY thin over the next 2 weeks.

But that is going to be a positive. (I am done whining & intend to start looking for the silver linings.) Thanks to the fact that I am going to be beyond broke for the next 2 weeks, I should be able to break my Reese's Peanut Butter Cup addiction, which should aid in my endeavor to drop the next 5 lbs. I am going to be home almost every night for the next 2 weeks so I will be able to get caught up on my reading and household chores. I will have the time to do some serious apartment & job hunting as well.

In fact, I have made a decision as of this morning. I decided that I am going to start submitting my writing more often and also start looking strictly in Tennessee/Kentucky for my next job. I want to move away from here and have seasons again. I like seasons. I do not want to move to a place with 9 month winters, or summers, or anything like that. I just want seasons so that I can watch the leaves change color and gripe about the snow and how cold it is and actually enjoy the summer months instead of waiting for the cooler breezes of October.

Now all I have to do is decide what I want to be when I grow up. Because I enjoy having a benefit package, I am seriously considering getting my teaching certificate and going with that particular lifestyle. I certainly would have time for a life and be able to read too my hearts content. I would not teach, but work as a media specialist (librarian) and actually have to be responsible and other such nonsense, but I know how to fake it.

I would also be doing something which has a definite appeal on days like this.

Only real downside is that I would have to actually pay attention to who was in the bathroom. I despise monitoring that sort of activity, but it seems to be a major issue at all levels any more. If anyone can explain that mystery to me, please do. I am constantly bewildered by why people feel the need to tell me they "have to go potty." I am not anyone's mother and I expect that anyone over 8 years of age can handle the basic plumbing functions without announcing that they need to go and will be right back.

Or am I being to demanding of humanity?

Changing subjects, but I am beginning to understand why posting pictures is a good/bad idea. It is a good thing so that people like me can have the nosy aspect of their personality satisfied as to what a person looks like. There are several people whose blog's I routinely read I am now curious to know what they look like. EX: zombie slayer, after your class issue posting, I am really curious so that I could have a better understanding of where you are coming from on a personal level. And zombielama, lets just leave it at curiosity, OK?

I want to take this as an opportunity to thank high desert diva, joe, exmi, 3-score, and others for posting their pics so that my curiosity can be satisfied.

However, gunngirl, both zombie's, mental meanderings, and everyone else, it is driving me even closer to insanity wondering what you look like. And yes, this is the pot calling the kettle, but I admit that most of my reason is that I have not posted a picture is because I can not get the blasted .jpg to load. If anyone can help me figure out just what the system is doing (or not) I would post with great joy and abandon.

Continuing to look at the silver linings, I have managed over the past 3 days to get some serious reading accomplished. That equals to a large quantity of bliss in my personal lexicon of life.

I managed to finish Jennifer Scales and the Ancient Furnace by MaryJanice Davidson & her husband. For anyone with young teenagers who like fantasy, GRAB THE BOOK NOW! I have already recommended it to a lot of parents and at least 2 have come back with words of thanks. The teens read it with only minimum fussing and actually laughed. For some reason, the parents were awestruck by that. I read my copy and found it to be a fun read with remarkably accurate family interactions. The part I liked the best is that the arguments never strayed into the realm of cliches & ridiculousness like so many other teen authors end up doing.

I also read Splintered Icon by Bill Napier. Don't bother unless you like bad great race style mysteries with even worse dialogue and trains of thought that are so far past believable that the Tooth Fairy becomes more realistic by the end of the book.

After those, I re-read Demon's Gate. Standard sword & sorcery fare. Nothing new or exciting. I also breezed through Master's of Fantasy, edited by Fawcett. That collection was fun and meant that I re-read some of the longer versions of the same stories in the collection just because I wanted to.

Then there was Neil Gaiman's Anasasi Boy's. READ IT! If you like Neil Gaimon, then this will be another great read for you. I also like the Spider God Anasasi and how his tricks turn out to be the best that could happen. They might not be what I want to happen in my life, but the Trickster God's are always fascinating. In a stand way back, with binoculars preferably, and watch sort of way. The book itself was generally light compared to some of what he has produced in the past, but it is definitely worth the read.

I also read Raven's Shadow by Patricia Briggs. I was finally able to lay my hands on the blasted book and was on the verge of a breakdown because it was so annoying trying to get the book. Overall, I liked it. I know many will not because there really were some flaws, but since I like the bad guy to be dead at the end in a satisfactorily humiliating way while the good guys get all they so richly deserve, then I am happy. Since I was finally able to lay my hands on a copy of the stinking book, I am pretty happy anyway. I will give a fairer opinion once the euphoria wears off.

Well, I wish that I could say that I did something, anything, else over the past 3 days. But, I did not and can't even fake it. Oh well. I enjoyed almost all of the past few days and intend to enjoy the next few as well. Minus the 4+ hours at the mechanics with the painful conclusion when I write a $400 check that is.

For a Laugh

This was emailed to me today & thought it worth sharing. Remember - THIS IS NOT ME! This is an emailed joke that I am sharing. My examples of horrible moments rarely involve phone calls.


Ah, yes, the easy to do at home hair removal waxing kit....
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*W RONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night! While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......

USS Alligator

Here is something fun for the archeologists in the group. The USS Alligator is apparantly on the "to be found" list and I met 1 of the gentlemen who is going to work on the project. I found the entire site, as well as the conversation, absolutely fascinating.