Some Total B.S.

I had a long spell of sitting in the doctor's office yesterday and had plenty of time to contemplate my navel. I was also able to contemplate the generic soda machine, but my navel was vastly more entertaining after the 1st 1/2 hour or so.

Anyway, to have something else to think of, I let my mind wander down the aisle marked "who was it that (fill in the blank)." Some of the answers I would like include:

Who was it that decided that the missionary position was the standard position for sex? I mean, what sort of survey could be conducted? Especially 100's of years ago when the missionary position was 1st decreed to be the legally moral, safe position? Preferably with the lights out, curtains drawn, door locked, and sheets above your head, but there you go. Personally, I can not imagine Solomon or David of biblical fame restrained themselves to the missionary Position, but I wasn't there and I really hope that there are NOT any records.

And what are people really going to tell you at any point in history? In today's society, surveys are completely anonymous, but not too long ago, it was your confessor asking you questions. I do not know about anyone else, but looking my friendly neighborhood priest in the eye as he asked me what my favorite sexual position is just not going to happen. For me, it would be even worse if it was a nun because I went to catholic schools for the most part. "Nuns" and "sex" are 2 things that I just can't easily put in the same sentence. It hurts my brain, ya know? And if it was the so called community leadership, or the lord of the manor, yeah, right! There was lots of honesty in that conversation!

So I wonder, just who was it & how did he/they decide that the missionary position was the safe, legal, moral standard? And why not something else?

Next, I want to know who guzzled the 1st beer? Or glass of wine? Port? Ale? Your favorite alcoholic beverage? Think about it! Alcohol is basically the leftovers of wheat or grapes gone bad. So who was the poor stiff who decided that stuff floating on the top of the urn smelled pretty good, they were thirsty anyway, so why not? Was it a bet? Someone trapped in a cave with supplies & they were desperate? What?

Also, who was it that dug up a potato, beet, carrot, whatever, and ate it? Imagine the bravery involved in being the sucker who took the bet. We still do it, usually at frat parties & the tastes are all pretty well known, but think about being the 1st person to ever eat a potato. Or a gold fish. And who was it that decided to cover cod fish in lye (lutefish) and then serve it up as a delicacy? Or kimchi, the ultimate in rotten cabbage? Monkey brains? Pig brains? Brains in general?

I am curious to know who was the 1st scientist who created pasta? Mainly so I can recommend them for sainthood. I might avoid that stuff like the plague, but it does not change the fact that breads in any form are 1 of the greatest food groups.

And who was the brave soul to bring home that burning branch to their cave? And what sort of reception did they have from their fellow cave dwellers?

For that matter, who was the idiot who started playing their flute to keep the snakes from biting them? And how did they get in to the situation that they got to try the experiment?

There were other items I wondered about, but I started snoozing about this point, waiting my turn, and I can't remember the rest.

Now for an update on the latest dog to invite itself in. She is a complete and utter ham. She is beyond ham in fact. She did a pretty good job snowballing me for a while, but she hasn't quite figured out how to maintain an act. Once I got her reasonably clean, I have to revise my guess of her heritage. I still THINK she is part hound, but a golden retriever/lab is definitely part of the mix as well. She is definitely a nervous dog and has serious separation issues, but she & the other 2 dogs have established who is who on the totem pole. She is at the bottom. The elderly statesman of the group is a good sort who will let her bounce over him while he chews his bones. The top dog of the bunch enjoys having someone of the same size to rough house with and tends to chew on Zoe. Zoe is ecstatic because she is not alone and that is all that matters in her world.

I know that I need to take her to the shelter because I flat-out cannot afford another animal. I hate the thought of abandoning any animal, and she is a sweet dog who has already been abandoned. She is young, already has a basic obedience education, eager to be with her human and/or pack, and generally just cute. But I can't afford to feed myself! ARRRGH!