Ho Hum

Here is something ridiculous to do for fun. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know.
1. What time is it? 2:18 pm
2 . What is your name? for this, stephalupogus ;-)
3. Any nicknames? Steph, Stephie, Peanut, & Sis
4. Mother's name? Louise
5. What is your favorite drink? Tea
6. Tattoos? Body piercing ? ear & belly piercing
7. How much do you love your job? pleading the 5th
8. Birthplace? PA
9. Favorite vacation spot? my own living room
10. Ever been to Africa? No
11. Ever steal any traffic signs? nope
12. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
13. Croutons or bacon bits? bacon bits
14. 2 Door or 4 Door? 2 door
15. Salad dressing? poppy seed or ginger
16. Favorite pie? any
17. Favorite number? ????
18. Favorite movie? True Lies
19. Favorite color? anything jewel toned
20. Favorite holiday? none
21. Favorite food? Italian
22. Favorite day of the week? any day off
23. Favorite brand of body soap? Dial
24. Favorite TV show? Winx Club ;-)
25. Toothpaste? Arm & Hammer
26. Most recently read book? Grave Sight by Charlain Harris
27. Favorite smell? cat
28. What do you do to relax? read and/or walk
30. When was your last hospital visit? 3 months ago
31. Message to your friends reading this? Love you all!
32. How do you see yourself in 10 years? In debt, working, hopefully living in a town house and still the same size
33. What do you do when you are bored? sleep or play
34. What presents do you enjoy receiving? any!!
35. Furthest place you will send this message? NC or FL???
36. Who will respond the fastest? ???
37. Least likely to respond? ???
38. What time is it now? 2:22 pm

I am sad to say that I have actually had to work this week. It has been absolutely awful. I have been manning the front desk, shifting books, cleaning, working on inventory, and generally being productive. I am not sure I can handle the stress! My boss certainly has been stressed out over it. I keep having to ask for his override and generally annoy him. He has decided that he prefers me to be lazy because then he can ignore me. That & since my arrival here at work as been iffy thanks to a car that needed a new battery, battery bolt, connector cables & alternator, he is about ready to start his retirement proceedings a wee bit early.

The real problem on my side is that I honestly have no idea how to cover the expense of getting my car fixed. Joy.

Beyond that, I have managed absolutely nothing.

That is not true! I now have a job interview in Manteo, NC on the 4th. It is a mere 9 hours away from my motherÂ’s and I am already exhausted thanks to not getting any real sleep over the past few. But the job, if I get it, looks absolutely fantastic. IÂ’d be working on various festival projects. While I canÂ’t say that I WANT this job, I am definitely interested. Biggest issue will be the fact that they will expect me to work and after the past 2+ years of not doing much of anything; it will be a serious shock to my system.

On the flip side of the job interview, I have a good job here. My life is here. I know where everything is at and how to avoid getting lost. My benefit package is great and I am spoiled rotten. If I go to this interview, there is the huge obstacle that I canÂ’t take more than a day to drive 9 hrs up to the interview and then 9 hrs back home and go to work the very next day. It is also a job that from the phone interview I am not at all sure I would like the people I would be working with & I am not sure that living off the coast is something I really want to do long term.

Let me restate this obstacle - I would be in the car for 18 hours plus sit through a 2 hour interview. I would be working for about $35k/year & while that is a himprovementnton 1 level, it works out to about what I am making now given the differences in cost of living expenses. I would have to drive 18 hours in 1 day for the interview.

Living on the marshes off SC with my mother, sister & nephew will be bad enough but I will only have to pay ½ the utilities and occasional grocery bills. The rest of my pay check will be mine to do with as I please and that has a high level of appeal. I also know that the time living with my mother would be temporary and I will eventually be leaving for the town house I so desperately want. Also, my sister is a great cook & so all I would have to do is help keep the place clean. I am anal retentive and definiobsessivessive compulsive, so that works out to numeargumentsmalleviatediated only by the fact that I work 40+ hours per week and drive another 10 so family togetherness would be limited.

I am so confused! And have I mentioned that I would be driving 18 hours in 1 day if I go on this interview?

Beyond that, I have learned the fine art of shooting a shot gun. How disposing of deer carcasses does not mean leaving the remains along the side of the road – DUH! That I am going to end up writing for Pent House more than likely so that I can save up some cash to actually buy clothes & that is a damn depressing thought in & of it self. That I need to get rid of a lot of knick knacks & oddments because I really do not want to move it all & end up moving it all again a few months to 3 years later and learn of all the duplication. UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

LetÂ’s see, not much else has happened. I am feeling a strange desire to pound the shit out a of a few people and really hate having to take my car in to the mechanics twice in 1 week, but beyond that, not much else is new.

Here is some humor people have recently emailed me –

New Pledge of Allegiance!Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore because the word "God" is mentioned....a kid in Arizona wrote this & I liked it....
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say " Christmas" instead of"Winter Festival."
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email. God Bless the USA!

Teen Poverty in America
We just spent several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall. We came to the conclusion many teenagers in America today are living in poverty. Most young men We observed didn't even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group.
But that wasn't the sad part. Many were wearing their daddy's jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren't even their daddies' good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them.It grieved us, in a modern, affluent society like America, there are those who can't afford a decent pair of jeans. I was thinking about asking my church to start a jeans drive for "poor kids at the mall." Then on Christmas Eve, we could go Christmas caroling and distribute jeans to these poor teenagers.But here is the saddest part...it was the girls they were hanging out with that disturbed us most. Never, in all of our lives, have we seen such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the guys. They all had to wear their little sister's clothes. Their jeans were about 5 sizes too small! I don't know how they could get them on, let alone button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones. Most also had on their little sister's top; it hardly covered their midsections. Oh, they were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see these almost grown women wearing children's clothes.However, it was their underwear that bothered us most. They, like the boys, because of the improper fitting of their clothes, they had their underwear exposed. We had never seen anything like it. It looked like their underwear was only held together by a single piece of string.We know it saddens your heart to receive this report on the condition of our American teenagers. While we go to bed every night with closets full of clothes nearby, there are millions of "mall girls" who barely have enough material to keep it together. We think their "poorness" is why these 2 groups gather at the mall; boys with their short daddies' ripped jeans, and girls wearing their younger sisters' clothes. The mall is one place where they can find acceptance. So, next time you are at the mall doing your shopping, and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say a prayer for them?
And one more thing...Will you pray the guys' pants won't fall down,and the girls' strings won't break?We thank you all,Two Concerned Grandmothers

One dark night outside a small town in Wisconsin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire & fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, to try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM PENNSYLVANIA........ lol
ALSO, ONLY IN PA ARE ALL SCHOOLS CLOSED THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING FOR THE HOLIDAY OF THE "FIRST DAY OF HUNTING SEASON"
Jeff Foxworthy on Pennsylvania:
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Bradford is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Pennsylvania.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Pennsylvania.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Pennsylvanian WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Pittsburgh.
16. A critter is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. YOUR 4TH OF JULY PICNIC WAS MOVED INDOORS DUE TO FROST.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Pennsylvania friends.

MenÂ’s RulesWe always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said, can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1.You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.