Odds & Ends Today

Today, I am going to wander all over the place so bear with me.

First off, welcome to anyone who checks out stephalupogus when they click to see who posted a comment on their blog. A friend of mine who writes the blog http://exmi.blogspot.com told me how he cons others in to looking at his blog. He clicks on the link for "next blog" and makes random postings. Since I enjoy reading others blogs and enjoy having people post to mine, I figured "Why not?" So welcome and thank you to one and all! :-)

I was also informed that I did not accurately answer the question on whether or not my aversion to being touched any more is physiologic or psychological. Well, I honestly do not know what the answer is, but here are more details on where I am coming from. Everyone and everyone is welcome to post their opinion, ask questions, or just tell me how weird I am.

First off, part of it is growing up. I spent a lot of my early college years being open to anyone & everyone touching me. That caused all sorts of headaches and I learned that lesson well in an amazingly short time. I only had to go through 1 really bad situation and then a few moments of absolute humiliation before I FINALLY learned.

Have I mentioned I am a bit hard headed and have issues with all sorts of things? The biggest being self esteem and trust?

Another aspects have a lot to do with how I hate the way 99% of humanity smells. It is not so much a matter of offensive body odor as a matter of most of humanity just smells bad. I have no idea why I have such a sensitive nose on this level, but part of the reason I do not control my allergies with the best modern medicine has to offer is because if I can't smell, then I can cope with the patrons who come in to my library, people walking by me in Wal-Mart, getting gas in the car, going out to dinner with an increasingly small number of friends, visit an even smaller number of friends, and cope with small children. If I could smell, I'd be constantly on the verge of throwing up. The few times I took Claritan were nose opening experiences and I never want to go through that again. It is hard to smile and be pleasant when a patron is smiling and gossiping and asking for the latest Harry Potter when all I want to do is throw up because they smell like a bad mix of bologna and cigarettes.

The other part is that so many people in this area of the coastal Georgia feel that touching is just part of the conversation. Now, keep in mind that I am perfectly willing to pay $60 for a massage once or twice a month. The problem is that it is rather creepy when Mr. "X" comes up, gives me a hug & some how the hand makes a passing stop at my breast. Or when the 70 yr old grandmother comes in and hugs me, loosening her dentures and smearing her make-up on my shirt. And I find it annoying beyond belief when small children are left to roam the building and they end up in my lap, smelling of dirty diaper and cheerios.

Then there is just the fact that I am out of the habit of being touched beyond these casual, disturbing/messy ways. When those are the main sources of physical touch I receive, then any touch is hard to cope with considering my Pavlovian response training.

For my next topic, I was asked by "anonymous" whether or not there was anyone who could help me relax, take on some of my chores, and generally just be there to help create a more relaxing evening. Well, the answer is no. Part of the reason I am moving in with my mother & sister this Thanksgiving is because of money on all sides, mixed with the fact that my sister is an epileptic with no job and forbidden to get a license, ever. I am hoping that will change, but for now, she needs someone to drive her around and while our mother is willing to do a lot, she is an elementary teacher with a school an hours drive away from home. There is only so much Mom can do so that leaves me.

Our father lives in AL and in an emergency can be here to help out in about 4 hours, but it is normally a 9 hour drive from his home to my sisters home. If anyone needs to run to the pharmacy, stop and pick up an extra gallon of milk, or whatever, the list of options is pretty short. So, that leaves me. I do not mind helping out, but I am physically at the point where I can not keep going this way.

As for having someone at home able to get the movie and popcorn ready, or the bath drawn, or whatever, I live alone. Moving in with my mother & sister will mean that my sister can help out a great deal on that level, but I will still be the one running errands and generally helping my sister out.

I just realized that this sounds as if my mother does nothing. That is anything but the truth. The problem is that she is a school teacher who during the school year gets up at 5 am, is out the door by 6 am, at work no later than 7 am, there until 5 pm, usually stays until 6-8 pm because of meetings or work that needs to be accomplished before the next day, and then gets home at 7 on a good day. So free time is non-existent and she really just can not get enough free time to get my sister and nephew's prescriptions, take the 3 hours at Wal-Mart necessary when my nephew goes along, and still help out with the basics of living. That is where I come in because I can. My schedule is a lot more consistent and I can leave my job for my lunch hour, I can stop at Wal-Mart before getting home at a time when the pharmacy is open. I can stop and get the milk because I pass 3 WalMarts & 15 grocery stores between work & Mom's. And don't forget all the gas stations!

OK, now that I have covered that subject, everyone is welcome to tell me if I answered in enough detail or not. But right now, it is time for me to start wrapping up so that I can go home and get some sleep.