It's A New Year

It has been an interesting week here in SC. It has been in the freakin' 70's! I know it is silly of me, especially since I can not tolerate the cold, but this just feels wrong.

Anyway, I have been reveling is wearing shorts in January so I guess life is pretty good for me.

Otherwise, I have trying to think about the future and realizing just how screwed I am. I know that I have options, but some of them are down right scary, while others require disappointing my mother & father, something that falls under "hard to o, even though I do it routinely." And in the scenario's I see, the hardest part lies in how unhappy my mother will be and how it will effect my sister & nephew. I REALLY want to be an orphan about now.

Not really, but while scarier, life would be simpler. I would not hurt anyone else and I would know that there is no one else to rely on. That is also a remarkably depressing statement and what it says about my mental outlook is even more depressing. So I will ignore it and go on with my point.

The options that I can see open before me at this point in time.

1 - I can continue working at the Garden Gate, accept some of the house/pet sitting offers I have been approached on, and keep job hunting several hours each day. Eventually something will come through and I will go from there.

2 - Basically the same as option 1, but instead of several hours daily, only a 1 day per week with the rest of the week being devoted to writing. Give myself 5 years to become a published author and/or gainfully employed with benefits.

3 - I can talk with my father & move in to his guest house & start over in Alabama.

4 - I can talk to various friends and move further North and try there.

It really scares me because I have no idea what to do. And the worst is that my mother really wants me to stay here and help out with my sister & nephew. Since I want my sister and nephew to have a good life & since she can not drive due to epilepsy, it is even further conflicted. I do not know what to do, but I think I am going to start writing short stories again & see if I can get them published. Who knows?

Any way I look at it, I am scared and have no clue what to do. All I do know is that I want to move out and be alone.