Today's Thougts

I have been reading - again. I am sure that is a shock to many. After all, I do work in a library. Anyway, I read 1 of Shannon McKenna's books and was rather impressed by 1 scene. And if every anyone bothers to read this, and also happens to be a man, remember that a major way to win brownie points is to warm the bed when it is cold. I read that in her book and fell in love with the male lead character myself. Any man who does that, even a fictional one, is well worth it.

Right now, I am reading a book called "Life at the Zoo," by Phillip T. Robinson. I am only on chapter 2, but I definitely can recommend it. The memories and factoids he relates are amazing. There are parts that had me crying, while others had me laughing. And that is only in the 1st 2 chapters!

Changing subjects, but of the 2 blogs I have linked to mine (so far) I just want to say that they really must stop making me feel so shallow. I know that I am reasonably intelligent and have a similair educational background. The problem is my insecurities and what I tend to focus on. I admit this. It does not help at all.

I watch a movie for escapism, not to make judgement calls on how it reflects society and what it says about the directors opinions. I just want to forget that I have nothing resembling a personal life or a while. And if I am watching a blow 'em up, shoot 'em up flick, it is because I have problems killing ants in real life, despite strong urges to drop kick various parents I have to deal with professionally.

I read books not only to gather information, but discover other view points on subjects. I tend to compare view points on actions and how people interpret their own actions as well as those taken by those around them. I would never think of asking a question like sfalphageek did in his post http://sfalphageek.blogspot.com/2005/05/and-correct-answer-is.html. I would never think of even asking that type of question, let alone getting feed back on it.

It drives me bonkers because I can follow the conversation, but my reference points are from conversations with, and readings of, the vets describing their experiences. I do not care to read all the specialized material out there describing the various weapons and battles. I want to know who did what and what they were, or were not, thinking. But it does not change the fact that I feel a serious disadvantage in these conversations and I am surrounded by the military in one fashion or another. It is extrememly disconcerting.

And going off on another tangent, it is extremely disconcerting to be surrounded by parents. I wish I could request that all parents, including my own, would stop with the comments about how marriage is not a bad thing and children are wonderful. Along with those comments, I'd also like to declare a moratorium on comments about how I can never understand the stresses of being a parent and so I am not properly empathetic enough to" their needs."

Gag!

I will be the first to agree that marriage can be a wonderful thing in its many forms. I encourage everyone to fall in love, have a period were courting is the best term to develop the relationship, and then get married and work on the relationship. However, I DO NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED! I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN! Please, accept this fact and stop with the digs because it just pisses me off.

For those friends & family who might read this, understand that I would like to have a relationship with someone I can bring home to "meet the folks" and actually live with. Well, living with someone is stretching it but I will try to be flexible, trusting, and open to discussion if I ever get into a relationship and the relationship develops to the point it is a valid point for conversation. Maybe. I hope. I promise to try. OK?

That is as far as I am willing to go. So if the world wouyld drop the commentary about how I do not want children, I would appreciate it. I am actually able to understand the comments made in "Dear Abby" about the nosy comments strangers make. I have people saying that all it will take is a good man and I'll want children of my own.

Keep dreaming.

I never have & never hope to even have dreams of having children. I do not have a mothering instinct. What I do have is serious control and trust issues. I treasure them and do my best to develop them in to major parts of my personality daily. Why would I want to let go enough to trust a child? Or the world with my child? For that matter, why should I trust another person enough to have a child with them? Why should I trust another person to be there for our child? Why should I trust the medical profession not to screw something up? Cripes, why should I trust anyone given whats broadcast in the media?

And I repeat, I have strong trust and control issues.

Going off on a tangent based on what the media is broadcasting, I was listening to NPR May 24th while driving in to work. There was a piece about a girl who was going to Stanford. That part is great, especially since the girl comes from a strictly blue collar background. What bothers me is that her tuition is over $40,000 a year! There are teachers out there who do not make that much! I don't make that much and I have 3 feaking degrees! What is wrong with this scenario!

Oh well. It is time to go home. Later!