It has been a while & a lot has happened. I am now a nanny/housekeeper/chief pooper scooper for 70 cats/general goofer for a family of 4 who need the extra help. We live on 10 acres & that 10 acres includes 20 fruit trees, green house, hoop houses, pond, & of course, 70 cats.
Can I just say that I am also VERY tired?
I really want to find another job. However, I have been here for 4, going on 5, years & my resume sucks. In this economy, unless you're are absolutely fantastic, finding a job is well nigh impossible. I am not fantastic. Since my dream job is a basic factory job right now, where I have no responsibility or decisions to make, then I am truly screwed.
What makes this feeling so ironic is that I would be bored stiff in under a week if I had a basic drone factory job & know it. I am just exceptionally tired. The 2 children & 70 cats & all the angst & drama have taken a huge toll on me & I am reaching massive burn out & know it. I know that this is a good job & I can make a lot of out it. But I honestly no longer care. I want to walk away because of all the family drama that I could care less about. I am not emotionally invested and I have no desire to be invested.
The number of times a day I wish I could become an anchorite nun is rather frightening. Out of a 12 hour period, about every 30 minutes or so I wonder how I would cope & how my life would be different. Because I really do not want to be this responsible for someone else's dream. I do not mind working and helping achieve a goal, but this is not my dream & never has been.
I do not want to live in the country & on a farm. I do not want to raise crops & a small herd of dairy goats. I do not want to can and preserve the crops. I do not want any of this. My dream life is to have a small apartment with a decent TV system so I can watch movies & read on my time with my cats snuggled up and go to work 40-60 hours each week & know that when I leave work, I am leaving it all behind so I can be by myself.
Anti-social? Yes, and given how surrounded I am all the time, this desire to be alone will not dissipate any time soon. Eventually, sure. But not any time soon.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Wowsers
I know that my posting has become ridiculously sporatic. All I can say is that I have a new appreciation for mothers. I have been running 24/7 since I took this job and I am amazed to report that I am loving it. I have laughed more in the past 3 months than I have over the past 13 years. My personal stress levels are down, my temper has evened out to an astonishing degree. I no longer have bouts of semi-suicidal despondency. I am enjoying life again. But I am still stunned, amazed, and in awe of mothers.
I do not know how a normal family does it. In this situation, with so many conflicting responsibilities, errands, and play dates, school demands, work demands. personal demands, I know that my role in this family is necessary. But how do families pull it off in todays world? You need the extended friends & family to make life work if you have children, because there are those nights when the oldest has baseball, the goungest has soccer, mom has a meeting down town & dad has to be out of town (personalize as you need). SO how does dinner get cooked, everyone get where they need to be, and still have time to be a family? Without extended family & friends, taxi drivers, nannies, it would be fat out impossible.
Beyond this world of need that I am being introduced to, life is pretty good. I am sincerely enjoying the fun that I have been having. I have been to everything from a dinner theater to school fairs. Some I could live without, ohers I will return to as often as I can. The dinner theater is definitely 1 of those. It has been nice to be able to sleep at night and not worry.
I do not know how a normal family does it. In this situation, with so many conflicting responsibilities, errands, and play dates, school demands, work demands. personal demands, I know that my role in this family is necessary. But how do families pull it off in todays world? You need the extended friends & family to make life work if you have children, because there are those nights when the oldest has baseball, the goungest has soccer, mom has a meeting down town & dad has to be out of town (personalize as you need). SO how does dinner get cooked, everyone get where they need to be, and still have time to be a family? Without extended family & friends, taxi drivers, nannies, it would be fat out impossible.
Beyond this world of need that I am being introduced to, life is pretty good. I am sincerely enjoying the fun that I have been having. I have been to everything from a dinner theater to school fairs. Some I could live without, ohers I will return to as often as I can. The dinner theater is definitely 1 of those. It has been nice to be able to sleep at night and not worry.
Friday, April 27, 2007
PSA
I am posting this because of something that happened on another blog, as well as something I ran into A LOT at my next to last position as a library branch manager. For those who are on limited financial resources, go to your library and do not just look at the shelves. Look at their online catalogue. It is astonishing how many items are not physically in the building you are in. Most local branches are part of a much larger system. This translates into more buying power. Each library does not need a copy of the book because the multiple copies they do buy circulate between the patrons who do want the book.
For example, a fellow blogger, exmi, recently posted how the local branch of the Georgia library system does not have a book he is waiting on. All he has to do is simply go online, log in using his library card number & pass word helpfully supplied by the local branch, and place a hold on the book. It will arrive from 1 of the many libraries in the PINES system. It might take a while to arrive because it is a reasonably new book he wants, but since the PINES system is 90% of GA, the odds are fairly good he will get the book in a few weeks.
For example, a fellow blogger, exmi, recently posted how the local branch of the Georgia library system does not have a book he is waiting on. All he has to do is simply go online, log in using his library card number & pass word helpfully supplied by the local branch, and place a hold on the book. It will arrive from 1 of the many libraries in the PINES system. It might take a while to arrive because it is a reasonably new book he wants, but since the PINES system is 90% of GA, the odds are fairly good he will get the book in a few weeks.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The Weather
This weather stuff is really odd to me of late. I talk to my mother & sister, who gloat about their 80 degree weather. I step outside and whimper in this 40 degree weather. It is cold and raining and it sucks big time.
Anyway, life is pretty good. I went yesterday to see a great cheesy movie - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I took the 7 year old I take care because a) he is on spring break & b) he earned a movie, unlike his little brother who is having serious adjustment issues at this time. But anyway, the movie was absolutely hilarious. What was rather bittersweet for lack of a better term was that as I sat there, laughing, watching the 7 yr old enjoy the movie, I was able to recognize almost every line, every motion, every plot twist from at least 5 other books/plays/movies/tv shows.
On the intellectual level it was rather nice to recognize all that I did, but it was kind of depressing because it means I read too much. I mean, when I recognize lines straight from Shakespeare, other Disney movies, the Bible, the Three Stoogies, Monty Python, Dante, David Drake, & those are just the moments I remember, it is kind of depressing. I know that nothing new has been written since the Bible, but still . . .
Anyway, life is pretty good. I went yesterday to see a great cheesy movie - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I took the 7 year old I take care because a) he is on spring break & b) he earned a movie, unlike his little brother who is having serious adjustment issues at this time. But anyway, the movie was absolutely hilarious. What was rather bittersweet for lack of a better term was that as I sat there, laughing, watching the 7 yr old enjoy the movie, I was able to recognize almost every line, every motion, every plot twist from at least 5 other books/plays/movies/tv shows.
On the intellectual level it was rather nice to recognize all that I did, but it was kind of depressing because it means I read too much. I mean, when I recognize lines straight from Shakespeare, other Disney movies, the Bible, the Three Stoogies, Monty Python, Dante, David Drake, & those are just the moments I remember, it is kind of depressing. I know that nothing new has been written since the Bible, but still . . .
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
I'm Steill Here
Wowsers, there have been just a few changes since I last posted. Among others, I am now a nanny/housekeeper in Ohio. Talk about a major career change!
It has been a month plus and I can say that I have been enjoying myself. I have not laughed this much in literally a decade. I have actually been embarrassed too! Since the past few years have been nothing but frustration and angst, I actually enjoyed the mild embarrassment. Now all I have to do is remember my technicl skills with those ridiculous household appliances like electric can openers, and I will be set.
Seriously life has improved for me. I am busy and yet I have time, like now, to kick back and play on the computer. Granted, I am also helping 1 of my charges with an educational computer game, but I do not need that much attention to help him spell words like "mall," and "tail."
The drive up here was absolutely nerve wracking however. I dread to the point of nightmares the day I go back to SC for my furniture, books, general stuff, and drive back to Ohio. Only about 12 hours drive time, but since I currently drive a 2000 S-type Jaguar, a 20 foot UHaul is going to be a MASSIVE change. (And for my friends who've known, don't you like how I worked that in?)
The next 2-3 years will be interesting, but it is an opportunity to decide just what and where I want for myself. I know the general, vague, outline, but finding information on monastic orders that welcome women here in the grand old USA is surprisingly difficult. I keep finding orders that focus on community se3rvice and education, when I want a more contemplative order. Cripes, I would love one that deals with refilling ink cartridges or produces gourmet foods, or whatever, but those are male orders. I am not about to have a sex change just to join. Silly of me, but it is a quirk.
On the flip side of that particular goal, the match making efforts have me pursueing a train of thought that I never really had before. But just what do I want/look for in a potential lover? Thanks to several late conversations with a bit of wine to help the conversational flow, I have realized that not only have I never really thought about it, but I rarely look, and try to avoid the entire issue. On the emotonal side, it is because I have some major trust issues. The number of people I actually trust is ridiculously small. There is a longer list of people I trust to react certain ways, but actually trust enough to share a bed with? HA!
Anyway, thanks to these conversations I realized again that looks play the smallest role. I mean that while there are several things that are an automatic "EEEWWW!" for me, I have no preference for blond, brunette, or bald. Just that they have a hair line and it does not stop at their feet. Hairy bodies do NOTHING for me. Then there is smell. The people I deal with either do not register with me or have a pleasant smell so I do not mind spending time with them. But there have been many people over the years whose personal body scent literally curdled my stomache.
OOOPS! Need to head out the door. More later.
It has been a month plus and I can say that I have been enjoying myself. I have not laughed this much in literally a decade. I have actually been embarrassed too! Since the past few years have been nothing but frustration and angst, I actually enjoyed the mild embarrassment. Now all I have to do is remember my technicl skills with those ridiculous household appliances like electric can openers, and I will be set.
Seriously life has improved for me. I am busy and yet I have time, like now, to kick back and play on the computer. Granted, I am also helping 1 of my charges with an educational computer game, but I do not need that much attention to help him spell words like "mall," and "tail."
The drive up here was absolutely nerve wracking however. I dread to the point of nightmares the day I go back to SC for my furniture, books, general stuff, and drive back to Ohio. Only about 12 hours drive time, but since I currently drive a 2000 S-type Jaguar, a 20 foot UHaul is going to be a MASSIVE change. (And for my friends who've known, don't you like how I worked that in?)
The next 2-3 years will be interesting, but it is an opportunity to decide just what and where I want for myself. I know the general, vague, outline, but finding information on monastic orders that welcome women here in the grand old USA is surprisingly difficult. I keep finding orders that focus on community se3rvice and education, when I want a more contemplative order. Cripes, I would love one that deals with refilling ink cartridges or produces gourmet foods, or whatever, but those are male orders. I am not about to have a sex change just to join. Silly of me, but it is a quirk.
On the flip side of that particular goal, the match making efforts have me pursueing a train of thought that I never really had before. But just what do I want/look for in a potential lover? Thanks to several late conversations with a bit of wine to help the conversational flow, I have realized that not only have I never really thought about it, but I rarely look, and try to avoid the entire issue. On the emotonal side, it is because I have some major trust issues. The number of people I actually trust is ridiculously small. There is a longer list of people I trust to react certain ways, but actually trust enough to share a bed with? HA!
Anyway, thanks to these conversations I realized again that looks play the smallest role. I mean that while there are several things that are an automatic "EEEWWW!" for me, I have no preference for blond, brunette, or bald. Just that they have a hair line and it does not stop at their feet. Hairy bodies do NOTHING for me. Then there is smell. The people I deal with either do not register with me or have a pleasant smell so I do not mind spending time with them. But there have been many people over the years whose personal body scent literally curdled my stomache.
OOOPS! Need to head out the door. More later.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Does "fucking hell no!" mean anything?
Snakes help soothe the joints at spa
Fri Jan 26, 10:02 AM ET
Hold the Dead Sea salts and tea-tree oil. An Israeli health and beauty spa has introduced a new treatment to its menu -- snake massage.
For 300 shekels ($70), clients at Ada Barak's spa in northern Israel can add a wild twist to their treatment by having six non-venomous but very lively serpents slither and hiss a path across their aching muscles and stiff joints.
"I'm actually afraid of snakes, but the therapeutic effects are really good," customer Liz Cohen told Reuters Television as Barak let the snakes loose on her body.
Barak uses California and Florida king snakes, corn snakes and milk snakes in her treatments, which she said were inspired by her belief that once people get over any initial misgivings, they find physical contact with the creatures to be soothing.
I found this on yahoo and EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW! sounds about right. And I like snakes!
Fri Jan 26, 10:02 AM ET
Hold the Dead Sea salts and tea-tree oil. An Israeli health and beauty spa has introduced a new treatment to its menu -- snake massage.
For 300 shekels ($70), clients at Ada Barak's spa in northern Israel can add a wild twist to their treatment by having six non-venomous but very lively serpents slither and hiss a path across their aching muscles and stiff joints.
"I'm actually afraid of snakes, but the therapeutic effects are really good," customer Liz Cohen told Reuters Television as Barak let the snakes loose on her body.
Barak uses California and Florida king snakes, corn snakes and milk snakes in her treatments, which she said were inspired by her belief that once people get over any initial misgivings, they find physical contact with the creatures to be soothing.
I found this on yahoo and EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW! sounds about right. And I like snakes!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Here is a bit of trivia that absolutely boggles me. I just went with my sister to the local tech school. There, at the cosmetology department, we got our hair cut. It cost us each $5 for a wash, cut, and dry. Each time I have gone to a tech school to get my hair cut, in SC, PA, AL, or GA, I have loved my hair afterwards. It is a good cut and while slow, the experience was a positive one.
But on the flip side, I have been to pricey salons - places like Belks, Parisans, Organika, various day spa's, etc. I have paid any where from $15 to $100 for a hair cut. Yet most of those experiences left me in tears or just a simple shrug of my shoulders because my hair was no longer in my eyes & I was in & out in less than 30 minutes.
So why is it that I enjoy the experience & the actual cut better when I go to the school and yet when I go to a salon, I went home & cried at the butchering they just did on my hair? Can anyone explain that mystery?
Anyway, I am excited! I am going to go visit a friend in the chilly wilds of Ohio. Since I am currently wearing shorts & a flannel shirt with all the windows & doors open, I think I am going to freeze when I get off the plane in Ohio. Could be wrong, but . . .
In my morning walks, 1 of the topics I have been contemplating is my future. I hate being so clueless and feeling this hamstrung. I know that I want out. I know there are a few doors currently opened for me. I know that I want to walk through them. I am also afraid of what my mother will do/say and what will happen to my sister and nephew. I hate the thought of leaving her here with my mother. But I can not see any other option, especially since a lot of the thank you, but no thank you letters that I have called to follow up on have said that part of the reason I was not selected was because I was not located"in a "more advantageous" location. Since Beaufort, SC is not a mecca of industry, I am not surprised. I want to relocate. But without a job, how am I too afford the relocation? Catch-22 strikes again, and it sucks big time.
But on the flip side, I have been to pricey salons - places like Belks, Parisans, Organika, various day spa's, etc. I have paid any where from $15 to $100 for a hair cut. Yet most of those experiences left me in tears or just a simple shrug of my shoulders because my hair was no longer in my eyes & I was in & out in less than 30 minutes.
So why is it that I enjoy the experience & the actual cut better when I go to the school and yet when I go to a salon, I went home & cried at the butchering they just did on my hair? Can anyone explain that mystery?
Anyway, I am excited! I am going to go visit a friend in the chilly wilds of Ohio. Since I am currently wearing shorts & a flannel shirt with all the windows & doors open, I think I am going to freeze when I get off the plane in Ohio. Could be wrong, but . . .
In my morning walks, 1 of the topics I have been contemplating is my future. I hate being so clueless and feeling this hamstrung. I know that I want out. I know there are a few doors currently opened for me. I know that I want to walk through them. I am also afraid of what my mother will do/say and what will happen to my sister and nephew. I hate the thought of leaving her here with my mother. But I can not see any other option, especially since a lot of the thank you, but no thank you letters that I have called to follow up on have said that part of the reason I was not selected was because I was not located"in a "more advantageous" location. Since Beaufort, SC is not a mecca of industry, I am not surprised. I want to relocate. But without a job, how am I too afford the relocation? Catch-22 strikes again, and it sucks big time.
Monday, January 15, 2007
It's Hot!
I am amazed to be writing this, but I am actually wearing shorts. It is January 15th, and I am wearing shorts and a light t-shirt. It is perfect weather for it. But it is January 15th! I am confused! Isn't supposed to be cold? Did I miss a memo or something?
I am feeling bleck today. I was at work and it was yet another fun and exciting day. I do enjoy the job, but I really and truly do wish that I made more so that I could move out. I want a shower. A real shower. With space and actual room. Oh well. Some day.
Has anyone else been following the confusing case of the 2 boys re-united with their families? 1 kidnapped a few years ago & the other a few days ago? Can anyone help me understand why these boys did nothing to get back to their real families? I admit that I want to run away from mine on a routine basis, but that's just a bit over the top. In other words, I am really confused as to just what was happening and Stockholm syndrom does not cover it in my book.
I am feeling bleck today. I was at work and it was yet another fun and exciting day. I do enjoy the job, but I really and truly do wish that I made more so that I could move out. I want a shower. A real shower. With space and actual room. Oh well. Some day.
Has anyone else been following the confusing case of the 2 boys re-united with their families? 1 kidnapped a few years ago & the other a few days ago? Can anyone help me understand why these boys did nothing to get back to their real families? I admit that I want to run away from mine on a routine basis, but that's just a bit over the top. In other words, I am really confused as to just what was happening and Stockholm syndrom does not cover it in my book.
Friday, January 05, 2007
It's A New Year
It has been an interesting week here in SC. It has been in the freakin' 70's! I know it is silly of me, especially since I can not tolerate the cold, but this just feels wrong.
Anyway, I have been reveling is wearing shorts in January so I guess life is pretty good for me.
Otherwise, I have trying to think about the future and realizing just how screwed I am. I know that I have options, but some of them are down right scary, while others require disappointing my mother & father, something that falls under "hard to o, even though I do it routinely." And in the scenario's I see, the hardest part lies in how unhappy my mother will be and how it will effect my sister & nephew. I REALLY want to be an orphan about now.
Not really, but while scarier, life would be simpler. I would not hurt anyone else and I would know that there is no one else to rely on. That is also a remarkably depressing statement and what it says about my mental outlook is even more depressing. So I will ignore it and go on with my point.
The options that I can see open before me at this point in time.
1 - I can continue working at the Garden Gate, accept some of the house/pet sitting offers I have been approached on, and keep job hunting several hours each day. Eventually something will come through and I will go from there.
2 - Basically the same as option 1, but instead of several hours daily, only a 1 day per week with the rest of the week being devoted to writing. Give myself 5 years to become a published author and/or gainfully employed with benefits.
3 - I can talk with my father & move in to his guest house & start over in Alabama.
4 - I can talk to various friends and move further North and try there.
It really scares me because I have no idea what to do. And the worst is that my mother really wants me to stay here and help out with my sister & nephew. Since I want my sister and nephew to have a good life & since she can not drive due to epilepsy, it is even further conflicted. I do not know what to do, but I think I am going to start writing short stories again & see if I can get them published. Who knows?
Any way I look at it, I am scared and have no clue what to do. All I do know is that I want to move out and be alone.
Anyway, I have been reveling is wearing shorts in January so I guess life is pretty good for me.
Otherwise, I have trying to think about the future and realizing just how screwed I am. I know that I have options, but some of them are down right scary, while others require disappointing my mother & father, something that falls under "hard to o, even though I do it routinely." And in the scenario's I see, the hardest part lies in how unhappy my mother will be and how it will effect my sister & nephew. I REALLY want to be an orphan about now.
Not really, but while scarier, life would be simpler. I would not hurt anyone else and I would know that there is no one else to rely on. That is also a remarkably depressing statement and what it says about my mental outlook is even more depressing. So I will ignore it and go on with my point.
The options that I can see open before me at this point in time.
1 - I can continue working at the Garden Gate, accept some of the house/pet sitting offers I have been approached on, and keep job hunting several hours each day. Eventually something will come through and I will go from there.
2 - Basically the same as option 1, but instead of several hours daily, only a 1 day per week with the rest of the week being devoted to writing. Give myself 5 years to become a published author and/or gainfully employed with benefits.
3 - I can talk with my father & move in to his guest house & start over in Alabama.
4 - I can talk to various friends and move further North and try there.
It really scares me because I have no idea what to do. And the worst is that my mother really wants me to stay here and help out with my sister & nephew. Since I want my sister and nephew to have a good life & since she can not drive due to epilepsy, it is even further conflicted. I do not know what to do, but I think I am going to start writing short stories again & see if I can get them published. Who knows?
Any way I look at it, I am scared and have no clue what to do. All I do know is that I want to move out and be alone.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
OK, This is funny
OK So, what's your sign? You crash here often? - Yahoo! Newshttp://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061214/od_nm/astrology_driving1_dc
This is the link to an article from yahoo that I find hysterical.
So, what's your sign? You crash here often?
By Naomi KimThu Dec 14, 9:42 AM ET
Never mind how careful you are behind the wheel or how long you've been driving, the signs of the zodiac may be bigger factors behind your ability to avoid car crashes -- or why you have too many.
According to a study by InsuranceHotline.com, a Web site that quotes drivers on insurance rates, astrological signs are a significant factor in predicting car accidents.
The study, which looked at 100,000 North American drivers' records from the past six years, puts Libras (born September 23-October 22) followed by Aquarians (January 20-February 18) as the worst offenders for tickets and accidents
Leos (July 23-August 22) and then Geminis (May 21-June 20) were found to be the best overall.
"I was absolutely shocked by the results," said Lee Romanov, president of Toronto-based InsuranceHotline.com, who also wrote the book "Car Carma" which touches on the correlation between astrological signs and driving ability while doing the study.
Romanov originally wanted to have some fun by examining astrological signs as a possible cause for the variance between insurance companies quoting high and low rates but didn't expect to find anything interesting.
"Now, changing postal codes is far less significant to me than drivers of certain astrological signs," she told Reuters on Wednesday.
Even age, another variable for determining insurance rates, is less of a consideration to Romanov. The cutoff line for being considered a higher risk driver is 24 years of age; 25-year-olds are considered not-high risk.
"I'd rather get into a car with a 24-year-old Leo than a 25-year-old Aries," Romanov said.
Leos, described along with the study results on InsuranceHotline.com/a10.html, are "generous, and comfortable in sharing the roadway."
Aries, on the other hand, "have a 'me first' childlike nature that drives Aries into trouble."
"I wasn't believing in it before," said Romanov, "but I would think twice before getting into a car with an Aries."
This is the link to an article from yahoo that I find hysterical.
So, what's your sign? You crash here often?
By Naomi KimThu Dec 14, 9:42 AM ET
Never mind how careful you are behind the wheel or how long you've been driving, the signs of the zodiac may be bigger factors behind your ability to avoid car crashes -- or why you have too many.
According to a study by InsuranceHotline.com, a Web site that quotes drivers on insurance rates, astrological signs are a significant factor in predicting car accidents.
The study, which looked at 100,000 North American drivers' records from the past six years, puts Libras (born September 23-October 22) followed by Aquarians (January 20-February 18) as the worst offenders for tickets and accidents
Leos (July 23-August 22) and then Geminis (May 21-June 20) were found to be the best overall.
"I was absolutely shocked by the results," said Lee Romanov, president of Toronto-based InsuranceHotline.com, who also wrote the book "Car Carma" which touches on the correlation between astrological signs and driving ability while doing the study.
Romanov originally wanted to have some fun by examining astrological signs as a possible cause for the variance between insurance companies quoting high and low rates but didn't expect to find anything interesting.
"Now, changing postal codes is far less significant to me than drivers of certain astrological signs," she told Reuters on Wednesday.
Even age, another variable for determining insurance rates, is less of a consideration to Romanov. The cutoff line for being considered a higher risk driver is 24 years of age; 25-year-olds are considered not-high risk.
"I'd rather get into a car with a 24-year-old Leo than a 25-year-old Aries," Romanov said.
Leos, described along with the study results on InsuranceHotline.com/a10.html, are "generous, and comfortable in sharing the roadway."
Aries, on the other hand, "have a 'me first' childlike nature that drives Aries into trouble."
"I wasn't believing in it before," said Romanov, "but I would think twice before getting into a car with an Aries."
HA!
I have reached a decision. From now on, all gifts from me will be either from the ASPCA or Humane Society or the Watkins Company. My life has just become incredibly easier, especially since the only person I need to buy for is my nephew. He will probably get an amazing amount from Toys'R'Us, but that's only until he gets past the cute kid stage. Then it will be the animal rescue sites for him. And the occasional additional pet because all growing boys need dogs, cats & fish. I know I need all the above, though until we move out the fish are a no-go.
And right now, I am miffed at my family. I was given an incredibly cool gift (for me at least). An Easy Bake Oven! And I hate to cook. In fact, I do not cook at all thanks to my sister having no job and taking care of that particular chore. Unfortunately, I can't use the utterly adorable, cute, wonderful Easy Bake Oven until after Christmas. It is just sitting there under the tree. Looking at me. Calling me. Enticing me to pull out that Oreo kit I have and bake. THIS SUCKS!
And right now, I am miffed at my family. I was given an incredibly cool gift (for me at least). An Easy Bake Oven! And I hate to cook. In fact, I do not cook at all thanks to my sister having no job and taking care of that particular chore. Unfortunately, I can't use the utterly adorable, cute, wonderful Easy Bake Oven until after Christmas. It is just sitting there under the tree. Looking at me. Calling me. Enticing me to pull out that Oreo kit I have and bake. THIS SUCKS!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I have been contemplating my navel lately. Among other things, I have been thinking about a friend and her incredible luck. I realized through oodles of time walking that I am - THANKFULLY - not jealous of her luck. What I am is feeling left behind. I think I would prefer to be jealous.
My girl friend has met an incredible man who has done everything right by her. She has a good job she tends to enjoy. Her family is doing fairly well. Life is over all pretty good. And I knew I was starting to feel some sort of negative emotions. Figured I was better off facing them head on and dealing with them before I screwed up with her like I have in the past with another friend who has managed to pull herself together and now has a life that she enjoys.
The big surprise for me at least was learning that I was not jealous of either of my 2 girl friends. I do not want what they now have in their lives. I do not want a man to wander in to my life and make life more complete. I do not want someone to wake up beside and know cares. I do want the security that they have. I want to go home to MY home and not have anyone around me. I want the freedom to watch movies again. That is what I want. I do not want another lover again.
The demands are more than I am really capable or wanting to meet any longer. I am finding people too demanding all across the board of late and realizing that I really need to start getting out more often before joining a convent that focuses on seculsion becomes a viable life choice. That is rather scary.
Beyond that little bit of self realization, the only other thing is that I really find my mother incredibly annoying at the holiday times. Is it Jan. 2nd yet? I'm ready to put it all away.
My girl friend has met an incredible man who has done everything right by her. She has a good job she tends to enjoy. Her family is doing fairly well. Life is over all pretty good. And I knew I was starting to feel some sort of negative emotions. Figured I was better off facing them head on and dealing with them before I screwed up with her like I have in the past with another friend who has managed to pull herself together and now has a life that she enjoys.
The big surprise for me at least was learning that I was not jealous of either of my 2 girl friends. I do not want what they now have in their lives. I do not want a man to wander in to my life and make life more complete. I do not want someone to wake up beside and know cares. I do want the security that they have. I want to go home to MY home and not have anyone around me. I want the freedom to watch movies again. That is what I want. I do not want another lover again.
The demands are more than I am really capable or wanting to meet any longer. I am finding people too demanding all across the board of late and realizing that I really need to start getting out more often before joining a convent that focuses on seculsion becomes a viable life choice. That is rather scary.
Beyond that little bit of self realization, the only other thing is that I really find my mother incredibly annoying at the holiday times. Is it Jan. 2nd yet? I'm ready to put it all away.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Ho Hum
It has been interesting of late. I have had to help my sister deal with the death of her oldest cat. My great aunt just died in her sleep. I have been "fortunate" not to actually need to miss work because of the timing involved. Work has continued to prove a massive disappointment. I have yet to receive anything but a thank you, but no thank you letter in response to ANY of the jobs I have applied for. I am feeling a bit unlovable.
Work is in many ways the biggest disappointment. I do enjoy the work itself. My co-workers are all highly intelligent, well traveled individuals with whom I enjoy working. The problem lies in how many of the ideas/promises are not carried through. Oh well. Life goes on.
As for my job searching, I have done everything I can think of to increase my odds of finding a good job with a decent pay check and benefits. I have read the books. Signed up for the hints from Monster, CareerBuilder, Quints, JobFinder, etc., and have had no luck what so ever. I am at a loss here. I am tired of living pay check to pay check and not having enough money for any of those little extras. Little things like a trip to the dentist, getting my car oil changed, buying new freaking socks. Once I pay all my bills (cell phone - $50, bankruptcy - $56, car insurance - $79, and storage unit - $90) I am lucky to have $30 left over to buy basics like deodorant and whatever the cats need. Since I work an average of 14 hours per week, at $8/hour, you do the math.
I have even started applying for jobs at gas stations, the Dollar Tree, Wal-Mart, etc. Nothing. I am over educated and have no luck what so ever. This just sucks.
I keep trying to cheer myself up and keep firmly at the fore front that part of my blah's stem from the holiday season. I can not recall a good holiday season - ever - so I become increasingly stressed and unhappy until about Jan. 5th when life returns to normal. I can not wait until Jan. 5th 2007!
Other than my blah's, life is pretty normal. I work. I attend funerals. I clean around the house & try and pay rent by taking care of the yard for my mother. Run my sister around so that she can take care of what she needs to accomplish so that she can graduate and get a job herself. And job hunt. Oh, and apply for jobs maniacally.
Work is in many ways the biggest disappointment. I do enjoy the work itself. My co-workers are all highly intelligent, well traveled individuals with whom I enjoy working. The problem lies in how many of the ideas/promises are not carried through. Oh well. Life goes on.
As for my job searching, I have done everything I can think of to increase my odds of finding a good job with a decent pay check and benefits. I have read the books. Signed up for the hints from Monster, CareerBuilder, Quints, JobFinder, etc., and have had no luck what so ever. I am at a loss here. I am tired of living pay check to pay check and not having enough money for any of those little extras. Little things like a trip to the dentist, getting my car oil changed, buying new freaking socks. Once I pay all my bills (cell phone - $50, bankruptcy - $56, car insurance - $79, and storage unit - $90) I am lucky to have $30 left over to buy basics like deodorant and whatever the cats need. Since I work an average of 14 hours per week, at $8/hour, you do the math.
I have even started applying for jobs at gas stations, the Dollar Tree, Wal-Mart, etc. Nothing. I am over educated and have no luck what so ever. This just sucks.
I keep trying to cheer myself up and keep firmly at the fore front that part of my blah's stem from the holiday season. I can not recall a good holiday season - ever - so I become increasingly stressed and unhappy until about Jan. 5th when life returns to normal. I can not wait until Jan. 5th 2007!
Other than my blah's, life is pretty normal. I work. I attend funerals. I clean around the house & try and pay rent by taking care of the yard for my mother. Run my sister around so that she can take care of what she needs to accomplish so that she can graduate and get a job herself. And job hunt. Oh, and apply for jobs maniacally.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Thanksgiving Time
Well, it is Thanksgiving again. Personally, I will be grateful that it is over and all the food that I really do not want but absolutely adore will be put away and I will be back at work. I discovered years ago that I vastly prefer to be at work rather than at home with my family and all the expectations that are never ever met.
I know that this is not an uncommon phenomena. Movies have been made about it after all. It still is astonishing how so many people will go out of their way to have the "perfect holiday season." Truthfully, every year my "perfect holiday" becomes simpler and more isolated. Right now, I would prefer to be alone in a warm, comfy suite or cabin. Have my cats and a stash of juicy romance novels (& maybe a few fantasy & bios for something approaching weighty), and some wine with various bath products waiting to be consumed. No one else, just me. No big meals, just fruit & veggie trays with cheese and veggie burgers, yogurt and juice, maybe even various teas. No real dishes, just quiet relaxation. Oh, and a decent CD player and a TV/DVD player so I can watch movies when I tire of reading and lounging in the tub.
Oh well. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I am reasonably healthy. I am active. I have a good, working car. I have my own room with my own bed and access to all of my books. I am reasonably thin and have started eating right and have been losing inches. My cats are healthy and have made it abundantly clear how much they love me. I have good friends who give a serious damn about me. I am single and childless - a major blessing in my book. My family is alive and kicking with all the recent deaths being of the expected variety. There are twins on the way and several weddings coming up. My friends are all doing well in their lives on all the levels I know of. The world has yet to blow itself up, and that means the running hot & cold water still works. There are lots of good writers out there I am learning about and getting to read. My practicing of yoga has reached the point where I am FINALLY ready to go to the next level. I am no longer working at the Effingham Library and have a job that I enjoy, despite the lack of hours and benefits. :-~ And the list goes on. And it is a pretty damn good list.
All the items I want to improve will fall in to place and I am working on taking the necessary steps to make the positive changes I want to make. I have managed to locate several websites dedicated to the type of jobs I want. I have updated and massively improved my resume. My cover letter has never looked so good and there are people willing to be a reference. All that is left is holding on and trusting that there is a plan and that it includes me getting 1 of the positions I am applying for.
Life is good. And while I am not happy or excited, I am at peace and definitely enjoying a level of contentment I am surprised to recognize. Yes, there are issues with my family, but they are based on my need/desire to be alone. Yes, there are negative factors, but I can do nothing but what I am doing until I start earning a better pay check. As it is, financially, I am doing better than I have in a long time. A fact that adds to my sense of peacefulness that I only recently starting to acknowledge and am trying to develop further. So while I was fired in February of this year, I would have to say that I am honestly grateful for that dismissal. If I had not been fired, I doubt if I would have made any of the changes I have made and learned any of the lessons I have learned, and gained this level of contentment and peace.
I know that this is not an uncommon phenomena. Movies have been made about it after all. It still is astonishing how so many people will go out of their way to have the "perfect holiday season." Truthfully, every year my "perfect holiday" becomes simpler and more isolated. Right now, I would prefer to be alone in a warm, comfy suite or cabin. Have my cats and a stash of juicy romance novels (& maybe a few fantasy & bios for something approaching weighty), and some wine with various bath products waiting to be consumed. No one else, just me. No big meals, just fruit & veggie trays with cheese and veggie burgers, yogurt and juice, maybe even various teas. No real dishes, just quiet relaxation. Oh, and a decent CD player and a TV/DVD player so I can watch movies when I tire of reading and lounging in the tub.
Oh well. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I am reasonably healthy. I am active. I have a good, working car. I have my own room with my own bed and access to all of my books. I am reasonably thin and have started eating right and have been losing inches. My cats are healthy and have made it abundantly clear how much they love me. I have good friends who give a serious damn about me. I am single and childless - a major blessing in my book. My family is alive and kicking with all the recent deaths being of the expected variety. There are twins on the way and several weddings coming up. My friends are all doing well in their lives on all the levels I know of. The world has yet to blow itself up, and that means the running hot & cold water still works. There are lots of good writers out there I am learning about and getting to read. My practicing of yoga has reached the point where I am FINALLY ready to go to the next level. I am no longer working at the Effingham Library and have a job that I enjoy, despite the lack of hours and benefits. :-~ And the list goes on. And it is a pretty damn good list.
All the items I want to improve will fall in to place and I am working on taking the necessary steps to make the positive changes I want to make. I have managed to locate several websites dedicated to the type of jobs I want. I have updated and massively improved my resume. My cover letter has never looked so good and there are people willing to be a reference. All that is left is holding on and trusting that there is a plan and that it includes me getting 1 of the positions I am applying for.
Life is good. And while I am not happy or excited, I am at peace and definitely enjoying a level of contentment I am surprised to recognize. Yes, there are issues with my family, but they are based on my need/desire to be alone. Yes, there are negative factors, but I can do nothing but what I am doing until I start earning a better pay check. As it is, financially, I am doing better than I have in a long time. A fact that adds to my sense of peacefulness that I only recently starting to acknowledge and am trying to develop further. So while I was fired in February of this year, I would have to say that I am honestly grateful for that dismissal. If I had not been fired, I doubt if I would have made any of the changes I have made and learned any of the lessons I have learned, and gained this level of contentment and peace.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Another Week
Well, life has been just oodles of fun. I really need to get another job. I am so tired of living pay check to pay check. I want to know just what a savings account is again. I also am having strong emotions this weekend because instead of getting paid on Friday, like we are SUPPOSED to be, I had to wait until about 2:00 p.m. Saturday to get my check. Seems that the person who was to deliver the paychecks to where I work bailed out sick and no one thought that, oh, yeah, some of the staff is at the nursery and would alos like their paychecks until we called. Some reason that grates.
And let's not forget my utter hatred of living with my family. Just because I do love and adore them is no reason what so ever to even think I want to live with them. What really bites is that on many levels my being here is making my mother happier than she has been and I am accomplishing a lot for all three of them. Since I DESPERATELY want my independence back, this is not something I care to contemplate all that closely, you know?
Some of the news lately that has caught my attention -
Rumsfield has FINALLY been fired. I just have to wonder why the hell it took so long.
The gay marriage ban/state constitutional amendment was passed here in SC. I disagree with that, not least because I see no reason why marriage has to be so narrowly defined. I feel that if a couple wants to tie themselves together, then let them. Any way you look at it, the lawyers are winning this battle.
It is Veteran's Day and there are several parades and ceremonies going on that have been really rather sweet. My favorite local event was when the local schools held an open house and invited vets to come visit and have lunch with the kids. That should be done more often.
There is a cookbook out called "How to Feed An Army," by Jim Lewin. It is all about cooking for 10 to 100 and I am seriously thinking of getting it, if no other reason than the money goes for troop support. That and the bit on amazon.com is rather funny.
I am also horribly confused by something and if anyone can explain this to me, I would appreciate it. But why do people say that Mrs. X is their 2nd mother? Or Ms. Y is their 2nd daughter? That Mrs. X helped raise them? I have never understood this at all. This phenomena crossed my radar recently when my boss said she could not leave until she told 1 of her employees good bye because she was just like her mother. Now, am I the only person who sees all sorts of issues inherent in that statement? I know it has no impact on me at all, but it still creeps me out.
That is probably because I have plenty with my own natural mother as well as my step mother. I have no desire, longing, need, want, craving, whatever for another mother to step in to my life and help me manage my life.
And let's not forget my utter hatred of living with my family. Just because I do love and adore them is no reason what so ever to even think I want to live with them. What really bites is that on many levels my being here is making my mother happier than she has been and I am accomplishing a lot for all three of them. Since I DESPERATELY want my independence back, this is not something I care to contemplate all that closely, you know?
Some of the news lately that has caught my attention -
Rumsfield has FINALLY been fired. I just have to wonder why the hell it took so long.
The gay marriage ban/state constitutional amendment was passed here in SC. I disagree with that, not least because I see no reason why marriage has to be so narrowly defined. I feel that if a couple wants to tie themselves together, then let them. Any way you look at it, the lawyers are winning this battle.
It is Veteran's Day and there are several parades and ceremonies going on that have been really rather sweet. My favorite local event was when the local schools held an open house and invited vets to come visit and have lunch with the kids. That should be done more often.
There is a cookbook out called "How to Feed An Army," by Jim Lewin. It is all about cooking for 10 to 100 and I am seriously thinking of getting it, if no other reason than the money goes for troop support. That and the bit on amazon.com is rather funny.
I am also horribly confused by something and if anyone can explain this to me, I would appreciate it. But why do people say that Mrs. X is their 2nd mother? Or Ms. Y is their 2nd daughter? That Mrs. X helped raise them? I have never understood this at all. This phenomena crossed my radar recently when my boss said she could not leave until she told 1 of her employees good bye because she was just like her mother. Now, am I the only person who sees all sorts of issues inherent in that statement? I know it has no impact on me at all, but it still creeps me out.
That is probably because I have plenty with my own natural mother as well as my step mother. I have no desire, longing, need, want, craving, whatever for another mother to step in to my life and help me manage my life.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Yeck!
This week has been interesting, but naturally, the cool stuff was simple humdrum events. The bad stuff (which really was not that bad) makes a better story.
The good stuff was that the books I ordered from the book version of netflicks arrived, mom was out of town so I was able to be an adult and watched real movies that did not involve Scooby-Doo or trhe Power Rangers. I even had a glass of wine! Oh, and I watched "Jarhead." An interesting movie with several HIGHLY memorable moments. I will never look at Santa hats in the same way again. But not worth seeing on the big screen, that's for sure.
The funny bad stuff, now, that's the interesting stuff.
Monday I learned something about my personal idea of hell. It is being a school field trip chaperone. I know more trips as a chaperone are in my future, but WAAAH!!!! Sums it up best. my nephew's 1st grade class (plus 2 other 1st grade classes) went to a local church pumpkin patch. Since it was less than a mile away, the kids walked and so my sister & I volunteered to go along. My mantra for the day was "I love my family." Talk about a horrible thing to do to yourself! A bunch of hyper active kids with no manners, all walking down the road! Yikes! And then we went to a park where the kids ate lunch and had recess. That was cool because I sat off towards the back - away from the kids - and chilled out from my strong desire to wring their little necks. Eventually, we toddled off back to school & my sister & I came home. Not nearly soon enough.
I know there are people out there who would find this sort of event to be enjoyable or completely nonchalant about it, but for me, I do not want, like, or need children of my own. A dog is too much effort most days. I can handle a cat and fish because they are mostly self-sufficient. Cripes, if you dump fish into a pond at the right time of year, they do not even need help surviving. Cats, well, they need help with can openers. Otherwise, they'd take over the world. That and since humans are bigger, they are at a size disadvantage.
The good stuff was that the books I ordered from the book version of netflicks arrived, mom was out of town so I was able to be an adult and watched real movies that did not involve Scooby-Doo or trhe Power Rangers. I even had a glass of wine! Oh, and I watched "Jarhead." An interesting movie with several HIGHLY memorable moments. I will never look at Santa hats in the same way again. But not worth seeing on the big screen, that's for sure.
The funny bad stuff, now, that's the interesting stuff.
Monday I learned something about my personal idea of hell. It is being a school field trip chaperone. I know more trips as a chaperone are in my future, but WAAAH!!!! Sums it up best. my nephew's 1st grade class (plus 2 other 1st grade classes) went to a local church pumpkin patch. Since it was less than a mile away, the kids walked and so my sister & I volunteered to go along. My mantra for the day was "I love my family." Talk about a horrible thing to do to yourself! A bunch of hyper active kids with no manners, all walking down the road! Yikes! And then we went to a park where the kids ate lunch and had recess. That was cool because I sat off towards the back - away from the kids - and chilled out from my strong desire to wring their little necks. Eventually, we toddled off back to school & my sister & I came home. Not nearly soon enough.
I know there are people out there who would find this sort of event to be enjoyable or completely nonchalant about it, but for me, I do not want, like, or need children of my own. A dog is too much effort most days. I can handle a cat and fish because they are mostly self-sufficient. Cripes, if you dump fish into a pond at the right time of year, they do not even need help surviving. Cats, well, they need help with can openers. Otherwise, they'd take over the world. That and since humans are bigger, they are at a size disadvantage.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Balloons!
http://www.balloonmanor.com/index.php
This is a link to really cool haunted house that I want to go to 1 year. I hope!
Check it out!
This is a link to really cool haunted house that I want to go to 1 year. I hope!
Check it out!
Friday, October 20, 2006
Oh My Word
Vicar's knicker run rescues town
Rueter's Oddly Enough on Yahoo.com
Oct 20, 8:52 AM (ET)
WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A vicar has come to the rescue of a small New Zealand town that has run out of women's underwear.
A group of women at the local Anglican church revealed the crisis caused by the only clothing shop in the small town of Inglewood, about 280 km (175 miles) north west of the capital Wellington, no longer stocking women's underwear.
"Someone came up with the point that it was a bit difficult that ladies essentials were not able to be bought in Inglewood," Reverend Gary Husband told National Radio.
"So we're going to have what's been called a knickers run."
Husband, who came up with the solution to the less-than-spiritual problem, said volunteers would now take anyone without transport to the nearby city of New Plymouth, about 20 km (12 miles) away, to buy their essentials.
Men's underwear is readily available in the town of around 3,000, but it also has no shoe shop and no bus service.
Husband said a trial run would be made before Christmas and if successful it would probably become a monthly event and open to all, regardless of faith.
"This is for the community ... the response has been positive, we've had one (other) denomination get in touch with us, so it's spreading."
Rueter's Oddly Enough on Yahoo.com
Oct 20, 8:52 AM (ET)
WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A vicar has come to the rescue of a small New Zealand town that has run out of women's underwear.
A group of women at the local Anglican church revealed the crisis caused by the only clothing shop in the small town of Inglewood, about 280 km (175 miles) north west of the capital Wellington, no longer stocking women's underwear.
"Someone came up with the point that it was a bit difficult that ladies essentials were not able to be bought in Inglewood," Reverend Gary Husband told National Radio.
"So we're going to have what's been called a knickers run."
Husband, who came up with the solution to the less-than-spiritual problem, said volunteers would now take anyone without transport to the nearby city of New Plymouth, about 20 km (12 miles) away, to buy their essentials.
Men's underwear is readily available in the town of around 3,000, but it also has no shoe shop and no bus service.
Husband said a trial run would be made before Christmas and if successful it would probably become a monthly event and open to all, regardless of faith.
"This is for the community ... the response has been positive, we've had one (other) denomination get in touch with us, so it's spreading."
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Blah Blah Blah
I have discovered something about myself recently. I tried to discover more about the wicca religious view point and failed miserably. There are several reasons for that. There was the rather sad lack of any material at the local library. There were a total of 2 books in the entire system. That is just sad if you ask me. Since I prefer to read books from the library and then decide if I want to buy them, I was a bit short changed on that route. It did not help that when I brought the 2 books home, I just could not make myself pick them up. Part of that was because of all the curled lips and snarky “why are you looking at that?” comments from my parental unit. But the clincher was the fact that I could not make myself want to read them in my mothers house.
This is so pathetic! The list of things I am not comfortable doing in my mother’s house keeps growing. I mean, there is the taking of a bath, burning candles, sleeping in the buff, watching movies, doing my yoga at night, drinking alcohol, decorating, the timing of when I actually do yard work for heavens sake! This is getting ridiculous! I mean, I always knew that I could never contemplate anything sexual around my mother because that is just wrong. But this is ridiculous.
I have discovered something pretty cool for any dieters reading this. For anyone interested, the Da Vinci syrups are calorie & sugar free. They are made with Splenda, so keep that in mind. I have been using the raspberry in water to give it some flavor without calories & the vanilla for flavor in oatmeal, hot chocolate, hot tea, water, chai, diet Pepsi, slim fast, and I am sure I will add to my list as time goes by. There are several flavors out there and I am looking for them from a source besides online. Wal-Mart carries only vanilla, hazelnut, & raspberry. I can’t wait!
This is so pathetic! The list of things I am not comfortable doing in my mother’s house keeps growing. I mean, there is the taking of a bath, burning candles, sleeping in the buff, watching movies, doing my yoga at night, drinking alcohol, decorating, the timing of when I actually do yard work for heavens sake! This is getting ridiculous! I mean, I always knew that I could never contemplate anything sexual around my mother because that is just wrong. But this is ridiculous.
I have discovered something pretty cool for any dieters reading this. For anyone interested, the Da Vinci syrups are calorie & sugar free. They are made with Splenda, so keep that in mind. I have been using the raspberry in water to give it some flavor without calories & the vanilla for flavor in oatmeal, hot chocolate, hot tea, water, chai, diet Pepsi, slim fast, and I am sure I will add to my list as time goes by. There are several flavors out there and I am looking for them from a source besides online. Wal-Mart carries only vanilla, hazelnut, & raspberry. I can’t wait!
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