I'm Steill Here

Wowsers, there have been just a few changes since I last posted. Among others, I am now a nanny/housekeeper in Ohio. Talk about a major career change!

It has been a month plus and I can say that I have been enjoying myself. I have not laughed this much in literally a decade. I have actually been embarrassed too! Since the past few years have been nothing but frustration and angst, I actually enjoyed the mild embarrassment. Now all I have to do is remember my technicl skills with those ridiculous household appliances like electric can openers, and I will be set.

Seriously life has improved for me. I am busy and yet I have time, like now, to kick back and play on the computer. Granted, I am also helping 1 of my charges with an educational computer game, but I do not need that much attention to help him spell words like "mall," and "tail."

The drive up here was absolutely nerve wracking however. I dread to the point of nightmares the day I go back to SC for my furniture, books, general stuff, and drive back to Ohio. Only about 12 hours drive time, but since I currently drive a 2000 S-type Jaguar, a 20 foot UHaul is going to be a MASSIVE change. (And for my friends who've known, don't you like how I worked that in?)

The next 2-3 years will be interesting, but it is an opportunity to decide just what and where I want for myself. I know the general, vague, outline, but finding information on monastic orders that welcome women here in the grand old USA is surprisingly difficult. I keep finding orders that focus on community se3rvice and education, when I want a more contemplative order. Cripes, I would love one that deals with refilling ink cartridges or produces gourmet foods, or whatever, but those are male orders. I am not about to have a sex change just to join. Silly of me, but it is a quirk.

On the flip side of that particular goal, the match making efforts have me pursueing a train of thought that I never really had before. But just what do I want/look for in a potential lover? Thanks to several late conversations with a bit of wine to help the conversational flow, I have realized that not only have I never really thought about it, but I rarely look, and try to avoid the entire issue. On the emotonal side, it is because I have some major trust issues. The number of people I actually trust is ridiculously small. There is a longer list of people I trust to react certain ways, but actually trust enough to share a bed with? HA!

Anyway, thanks to these conversations I realized again that looks play the smallest role. I mean that while there are several things that are an automatic "EEEWWW!" for me, I have no preference for blond, brunette, or bald. Just that they have a hair line and it does not stop at their feet. Hairy bodies do NOTHING for me. Then there is smell. The people I deal with either do not register with me or have a pleasant smell so I do not mind spending time with them. But there have been many people over the years whose personal body scent literally curdled my stomache.

OOOPS! Need to head out the door. More later.